by Melissa Taylor
“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Genesis 2:25 (NIV)
My husband, Jeff, is a treasure in my life. He has provided me with unconditional love and is my very best friend. We have 4 children and a healthy marriage, but that didn’t come without a price. For a long time I carried much of my childhood baggage, especially shame and fear.
If you read yesterday’s devotion, you know that I carried some heavy burdens. Being sexually molested at age 7, being there when my grandfather had his stroke, the brokenness of my family, and looking for love in all the wrong places still accompanied me through married life. I knew how much Jesus loved me, yet the shame of my past would not leave.
We have an enemy in this world named Satan. He knows our weaknesses and what brings us down. He used my past to keep me from totally experiencing the fullness of God, and I listened to him.
Intimacy was a struggle for me. Even though I was married, I still felt dirty and ashamed during our moments of close physical contact. The lights were off, “Please don’t look at me,” I would say. For a while, my motivation for making love with my husband was to get pregnant. Of course my husband needed more of me than that. I needed more of him too, but I didn’t know how to overcome my insecurity in this area.
Jeff would look at me with those bedroom eyes and I would roll my eyes at him. He would reach out to hold my hand or touch me and I would respond, “Oh please not now honey, I’m exhausted.”
Occasionally when he’d had all the rejection he could take, he would blow up shouting, “I love you! You are beautiful and I want us to share everything! I need you to love me. I need your touch. God made us to need that from each other. Don’t do this to us!”
Instead of taking these words to heart and hearing them as they were intended, I continued to listen to the thief in my life. The one who was stealing my joy and whispering lies of shame and guilt from my past so that they would still have a hold on me.
Lord, help me to be a normal wife, the wife my husband deserves, I prayed.
I began reading books by Christian women sharing their life experiences. My struggles were really no different than many others. That brought me a little peace. I gained confidence reading how they were able to overcome the lies of the enemy and restore their lives through accepting the grace and peace offered by Jesus Christ. I believed this, but I wasn’t taking hold of it for my life.
I decided that I would slowly introduce real intimacy into my marriage. I began scheduling time to be intimate with my husband each Monday night. By planning it, I had time to mentally and spiritually prepare. I would pray about it, make sure the kids were fed and bathed early, and even spruce myself up a bit. I began to look forward to Monday nights, in fact I enjoyed them so much, I eventually added Thursday nights to our schedule too. My husband thought he had died and gone to heaven!
Today, there is no need to schedule intimate moments, they naturally occur. God’s Word has been crucial in reminding me of who I am in Christ. When I go without it, I begin to slip. I have to be intentional on listening to His voice so I don’t believe that other voice that is waiting to replace God’s. Today, I can be naked and not ashamed, and with God’s help, my marriage will last until death us do part.
Dear Lord, You do not want me living in the past or believing lies about myself. Help me to live in the fullness of Your truth. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?
The Confident Woman, Knowing Who You Are in Christ by Anabel Gilham
Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes
Confessions of an Adulterous Woman: Lies that Got Me There, Truths that Brought Me Back by Lyndell H. Holtz
Application Steps:
The story doesn’t end here. Melissa learned that she and Jeff had opposite love languages. Visit Melissa’s blog and read how marriage counseling and learning to show love differently helped to save their marriage.
Reflections:
What lies are you believing?
Does your past keep you from living fully now?
Have you discussed your feelings with your husband? With God?
Power Verses:
John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (NIV)
Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (NIV)
© 2008 Melissa Taylor. All Rights Reserved.
“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Genesis 2:25 (NIV)
My husband, Jeff, is a treasure in my life. He has provided me with unconditional love and is my very best friend. We have 4 children and a healthy marriage, but that didn’t come without a price. For a long time I carried much of my childhood baggage, especially shame and fear.
If you read yesterday’s devotion, you know that I carried some heavy burdens. Being sexually molested at age 7, being there when my grandfather had his stroke, the brokenness of my family, and looking for love in all the wrong places still accompanied me through married life. I knew how much Jesus loved me, yet the shame of my past would not leave.
We have an enemy in this world named Satan. He knows our weaknesses and what brings us down. He used my past to keep me from totally experiencing the fullness of God, and I listened to him.
Intimacy was a struggle for me. Even though I was married, I still felt dirty and ashamed during our moments of close physical contact. The lights were off, “Please don’t look at me,” I would say. For a while, my motivation for making love with my husband was to get pregnant. Of course my husband needed more of me than that. I needed more of him too, but I didn’t know how to overcome my insecurity in this area.
Jeff would look at me with those bedroom eyes and I would roll my eyes at him. He would reach out to hold my hand or touch me and I would respond, “Oh please not now honey, I’m exhausted.”
Occasionally when he’d had all the rejection he could take, he would blow up shouting, “I love you! You are beautiful and I want us to share everything! I need you to love me. I need your touch. God made us to need that from each other. Don’t do this to us!”
Instead of taking these words to heart and hearing them as they were intended, I continued to listen to the thief in my life. The one who was stealing my joy and whispering lies of shame and guilt from my past so that they would still have a hold on me.
Lord, help me to be a normal wife, the wife my husband deserves, I prayed.
I began reading books by Christian women sharing their life experiences. My struggles were really no different than many others. That brought me a little peace. I gained confidence reading how they were able to overcome the lies of the enemy and restore their lives through accepting the grace and peace offered by Jesus Christ. I believed this, but I wasn’t taking hold of it for my life.
I decided that I would slowly introduce real intimacy into my marriage. I began scheduling time to be intimate with my husband each Monday night. By planning it, I had time to mentally and spiritually prepare. I would pray about it, make sure the kids were fed and bathed early, and even spruce myself up a bit. I began to look forward to Monday nights, in fact I enjoyed them so much, I eventually added Thursday nights to our schedule too. My husband thought he had died and gone to heaven!
Today, there is no need to schedule intimate moments, they naturally occur. God’s Word has been crucial in reminding me of who I am in Christ. When I go without it, I begin to slip. I have to be intentional on listening to His voice so I don’t believe that other voice that is waiting to replace God’s. Today, I can be naked and not ashamed, and with God’s help, my marriage will last until death us do part.
Dear Lord, You do not want me living in the past or believing lies about myself. Help me to live in the fullness of Your truth. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?
The Confident Woman, Knowing Who You Are in Christ by Anabel Gilham
Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes
Confessions of an Adulterous Woman: Lies that Got Me There, Truths that Brought Me Back by Lyndell H. Holtz
Application Steps:
The story doesn’t end here. Melissa learned that she and Jeff had opposite love languages. Visit Melissa’s blog and read how marriage counseling and learning to show love differently helped to save their marriage.
Reflections:
What lies are you believing?
Does your past keep you from living fully now?
Have you discussed your feelings with your husband? With God?
Power Verses:
John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (NIV)
Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (NIV)
© 2008 Melissa Taylor. All Rights Reserved.
7 Comments:
Well this devotion couldn't have come at a better time. Yesterday, in counseling, I came to realize that what I thought to be a stupid mistake I made 20 years ago at the age of 17, was indeed not a mistake, but rape. It was not consentual, not asked for, not wanted...but deeply regreted. But I had figured I got myself into the situation it was my fault. I can't tell you what an amazing revelation it was. There have been so many destructive symptoms over the years that pointed right to this kind of abuse. I just didn't or wouldn't see it. I am so thrilled to be on the road to recovery, and forgiveness. God is amazing, and I have to say even his timing is absolutly perfect. Sure I would have liked to have been healed sooner. But I know He knows better.
I have been carrying heavy burdens of shame, guilt and fear from my past for quite some time. Thank you very much for reminding me that God does not want me living in the past or believing lies about myself! I pray that He will help me to live in the fullness of His truth and His love.
I stumbled on this blog today, and it is magnificent. I really believe in what you're doing here. Love the authenticity and truths expressed.
HI! I read your devotions a day behind because the current ones are never up early enough for me to read,so I was so sad when I read your blog to see you were giving away a free book,hope I still have a chance to win it. It's so amazing how these devotions are always exactly what I need.....God's so smart:) Bless you,bless you,for all you're doing!!!
Your devotion has the ability to free many women from some of our excuses of why we 'think' we don't desire intimacy with our husbands. I think we all use those same worn out excuses: "I'm tired," "Not tonight," or our favorite standby "I have a headache!" Thanks for showing that all of us can have a healthy, loving, and intimate relationship with our husbands - no matter what the enemy says.
Obviously, without talking to your spouse no progress will be made. You cannot solve your marriage problems without talking to your spouse. It just doesn't work that way. What, are you going to write notes to each other? Get real, grow up and sit down with your spouse and talk about what needs to be changed.
THIS DEVOTION IS ME:) WOW I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.. I KNOW I STILL HAVE ALOT OF GROWING TO DO BUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NOW AND A FEW MONTHS AGO IS THAT I AM WILLING TO GROW THROUGH MY SITUATIONS. I KNOW TODAY WHO I AM IN CHRIST AND I AM CONFIDENT IN THAT.. I AM A NEW CREATION OLD THINGS ARE PAST BEHOLD ALL THINGS HAVE BECOME NEW.. THANKS FOR THAT ENCOURAGEMENT..
Post a Comment
Home