What’s that Smell?

Zoe Elmore

"Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."Ephesians 5:2 (NIV)

I could smell the billowing smoke before I even opened the door to our garage; my nose was right, our home was on fire! Literally falling up the stairs I screamed for my husband and son to get out of the house! The firemen arrived and extinguished the flames, then they escorted us away from our home. It was midnight, all the neighbors had returned to their beds, so we took our smoky smelling selves to the nearest hotel.

At our home the next morning, I was greeted by the awful, putrid odor only smoke can leave. That horrible smell had penetrated and permeated everything inside. Even after months of repairs, rebuilding and repainting, the unwelcomed odor lingers and will not soon be forgotten.

In contrast, I fondly recall the warm and inviting fragrances of this joyous season. The heady scent of freshly cut pine boughs intermingled with homemade chocolate-covered cherries and Greek pastries. These are the smells I welcome wafting through our home.

Both smells have distinct characteristics and leave a definite impression. One is overpowering, leaves a negative impression and isn’t something you want to be near. The other is welcoming and inviting and leaves you wanting more.

Have you ever considered the metaphor of fragrance to describe your spiritual life? For believers in Jesus Christ our lives should demonstrate the penetrating influence of Christ. As we allow our lives to reflect His goodness the unique and inviting aroma will be pleasing to Christ and to others.

This priceless fragrance isn’t sold in stores, nor is something you can manufacture. This fragrance is a natural extension of knowing Jesus Christ in a personal relationship. As we abide in Christ we spread the sweet fragrance of His goodness, like a lovely perfume.

Everyday our attitudes, as well as our actions, exude a fragrance. Will it be one that draws others to Christ or deters them from wanting to know Him?

Dear Lord, teach me how to be a sweet fragrance. I pray that You are evident in my life and that others see You and want to know more. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

Visit Zoe’s blog for more encouragement.

When Life and Beliefs Collide: How Knowing God Makes a Difference by Carolyn Custis James

God’s Purpose for Every Woman: A Compilation of Favorite P31 Devotions by various Encouragement for Today authors. Gen Eds. Lysa TerKeurst and Rachel Olsen

The Uncommon Woman: Making an Ordinary Life Extraordinary by Susie Larson

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Shop With Us for Christmas!
Did you know when you purchase anything through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity? Your purchase supports the many areas of life-changing ministry we provide at no cost. Although we'd love to offer more discounts, we simply can't compete with online warehouses. We are extremely grateful when you shop with us. Thank you!

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Application Steps:
Wear your favorite fragrance today and let it remind you to keep your eyes on what is pleasing to Christ.

Consider the lingering fragrance your life leaves behind.

Reflections:
What are the some of my best characteristics that invite others and welcome them into the family of Christ?

Is God pleased with the fragrance I’m wearing? If not, I will draw near to God and allow Him to redirect me.

Power Verses:
2 Corinthians 2:15, "For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." (NIV)

© 2010 by Zoe Elmore. All rights reserved.

Holiday Blues

T. Suzanne Eller

"There is joy for those who deal justly with others and always do what is right." Psalm 106:3 (NLT)

"I don't like the holidays," I whispered.

I used to love holidays. Before I was married. Before I felt the pull to be everywhere at the same time. Before any decisions that I made left someone upset or angry or feeling left out.

I struggled with a desire to be home, to start my own traditions with my young children and husband. We were the first to be married in both families, and thus the first to break "how it's always been."

Thanksgiving was a time to be thankful. All I felt was stretched thin. Christmas was a time to be joyous but I usually felt frustrated.

As we had children, I tried to mask my frustration with enthusiasm. We had fun setting out pumpkins. We decorated the house. But inside I wrestled because I knew what was coming.

Looking back, I wonder why I didn't say anything. Instead, I simply let it fester. I didn't take into account that if I kept silent things would never change. I just simmered in anger.

Deal with others, but do what is right.

Thirty years later, I treasure the holidays. It took time, but we finally learned to share our needs. "Trying to be everywhere in such a short time is exhausting," we said.

We began by trying to see other's point of view. An empty nest left gaps that traditions used to fill. We didn't approach in anger, but with a willingness to work through the conflict with honesty and grace.

Some were open. Others were not, especially in the beginning. If they were flexible, we rejoiced. If not, we didn't take it personally. Change takes time.

Perhaps the greatest gift that we received came later. When our children married, suddenly there were several families in the mix. We told our children that it's not the date on the calendar that makes holidays special. It's the heart behind the holidays. It's spending time with people you love.

So, sometimes we get together on Thanksgiving, or maybe the week after. Maybe it's Christmas only, while Thanksgiving is spent with other family members. If they aren't with us on a specific day, my husband and I fill that time with a new tradition--just the two of us.

What we discovered is that by letting go, they come more often because there's no pressure. They let us in on their traditions. Regardless of the date, when we do get together it's so fun! It's a gift.

Maybe you've been singing the holiday blues. What is one step that you can take to change your tune?

Dear Lord, thank You for my family. I'm grateful for so many things, and one of those is family who loves me enough to want to be with me. Help me to share my needs with my loved ones, and to do it with grace and gentleness. Help me not to take it personal as they struggle with change. If I am the one that is inflexible, help me to bend and grow. Help me to be thankful every day for all that I have been given. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

Visit Suzie’s blog where she is doing a “Holiday” give-away!

The Mom I want to be: Rising above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

25 Days, 26 Ways to Make this Your Best Christmas Ever by Ace Collins

Click here for great ideas of how you can include others who may be in the same boat as you!

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Shop With Us for Christmas!
Did you know when you purchase anything through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity? Your purchase supports the many areas of life-changing ministry we provide at no cost. Although we'd love to offer more discounts, we simply can't compete with online warehouses. We are extremely grateful when you shop with us. Thank you!

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Application Steps:
Have you shared your needs? Articulate them on paper.

Share them at the right time, in the right attitude.

Don't take responses personally. Change takes time.

Exchange the holiday blues for a new song. Worship God as you thank Him for all the good things around you.

Reflections:
If I am the one struggling with change, am I willing to be flexible?

Instead of focusing on a specific date, I can focus on the heart of the holiday.

I'll write down all the things for which I am thankful to share with my children.

Power Verses:
Psalm 106:1-2, "Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord, for his is good! His faithful love endures forever. Who can list the glorious miracles of the Lord? Who can ever praise him enough?" (NLT)

© 2010 by T. Suzanne Eller. All rights reserved.

No One is Beyond the Reach of Truth

Lysa TerKeurst

"…I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me…" Romans 15:18a (NIV)

I'm more convinced than ever that people don't care to hear about our Jesus these days until they meet the reality of Jesus in our lives.

Don't skim past that last sentence too quickly. Our history with Jesus is our most effective salvation message to share with others.

If you look at the word 'history,' it's interesting to break it in half and see the words, "His story." That's the thing this world is dying to hear- how His story has been woven into our story. People can debate and argue theology all day long but they can't argue what Jesus has done personally in our lives. Truth lived out is the best sermon.

And while I find people are a little more receptive at Christmas to talking about Jesus, I still find it stressful sometimes with friends and family members. Do you? I think it's important to think about. We've all got people in our lives who need us to break past our hesitations and share the reality of Jesus.

I was profoundly reminded of this a couple of weeks ago when I spoke at a Pregnancy Care Center dinner in Florida. At the end of the night, the center's director asked a board member to come forward and close the evening in prayer. I almost fell out of my chair when I saw this board member was a guy I'd known in high school.

Well, let me clarify that. I knew who he was. He didn't have a clue who I was.

He had been in the uber popular crowd - star athlete who dated the beautiful girls. I was one of those girls in high school who was easy to miss. I felt sort of invisible back then. And judging by the blank look on his face when I made the connection we'd graduated the same year, my assessment was pretty accurate.

He apologized profusely for his wild behavior in high school and acknowledged that he could have been voted, "Least likely to grow up to be a pastor." I agreed. But then again, I wasn't exactly on the fast track toward ministry back then either.

After we chatted for a few minutes, he got a very serious look on his face. Then he said something I won't soon forget.

"You know what is really odd, Lysa? All those years of high school and college, I was a very visible person. I had lots of friends. Then I got a college scholarship to play basketball at a major university and there were even more people who knew me. But no one - no family member, no peer, no girlfriend, no teacher, no coach, no professor, no fan - no one - not one person ever told me about Jesus. All those years, all those people, and not one time did someone try to tell me the truth. Finally when I was 21 years old, someone took that chance to share with me how they met Jesus and it radically changed my life."

His statement startled me. And I hope it startles me the rest of my life.

No one is beyond the reach of truth.

Not the wispy, invisible girl who thinks of herself as nothing more than a little background noise. And not the star athlete revered by thousands.

Everyone deserves to hear about Jesus sooner rather than later.

And we must never assume that surely someone else would do a much better job than we would.

Who is in your sphere of influence that needs to hear a bit of your HIS-story this week? Don't let Satan whisper that this message is meant for other people. It's not. If you read this, it's meant for you sweet sister.

And don't fret trying to figure out how to arrange the perfect situation to connect with that person that came to mind. Just tell Jesus you are willing. He's very capable of handling all the details. Our job is obedience. God's job is results.

Dear Lord, thank You for loving me before I even knew You. Give me Your eyes and Your heart to be able to see anyone who needs to know about You today. And give me the right words and the necessary courage to share with my friends and family members. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
For helpful hints on sharing Jesus through your life story, visit Lysa’s blog by clicking here.

Lysa will be speaking in over 40 cities this year and she’d love to meet you! To check for a city near you, click here.

If you are looking for a non-threatening, but eye opening book to give to your unsaved friends and family members Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa TerKeurst would make the perfect gift.

This book is also a great resource to use in a group Bible Study along with the Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl DVD set- click here to order.

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Shop With Us for Christmas!
Did you know when you purchase anything through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity? Your purchase supports the many areas of life-changing ministry we provide at no cost. Although we'd love to offer more discounts, we simply can't compete with online warehouses. We are extremely grateful when you shop with us. Thank you!________________________________________

Application Steps:
Who could you share your story with this week?

Pray. Seek God for the right words and the right opportunity. Take a step of faith. Trust that God will be glorified.

Reflections:
Don't let Satan tell you that this message is meant for other people.

Power Verses:
Philippians 1:27a, "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." (NIV)

Romans 10:20, "And Isaiah boldly says, 'I was found by those who did not seek me; I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me.'" (NIV)

Philippians 2:4, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

The Gift of Hope

LeAnn Rice, Executive Director, Proverbs 31 Ministries

"Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment." 1 Timothy 6:17 (NIV)

Wealth is something I didn't think I had.

As a single mom widowed over 13 years ago, I don't have money for extras like new clothes or weekend trips. Therefore, I didn't think it was possible for me to give much to others and this made me sad. Until I realized it's not the size of a gift that matters.

It's the amount of hope wrapped around the gift that makes all the difference.

I learned about true wealth through a sweet little boy I met during a missions trip to Ecuador with Compassion International.

Miguel lives in a one-room house with his mother and three siblings. They share a bed that lies on a dirt floor. They have no bathroom and no electricity. The vegetables his mother used to prepare their evening meal consisted of peelings and rotting parts that certainly would never have made it into one of my recipes. I would have mindlessly thrown them away.

My eyes filled with tears of sadness as I stared true poverty in the face. But Miguel's eyes were filled with a rare and precious joy. A sponsor had breathed the gift of hope into Miguel's life, which made all the difference.

This experience challenged me. I was compelled to figure out a way to sponsor a child and make this same kind of impact. Though I can't solve all the problems of the world, I can give the gift of hope to one life and that's a great start.

My brief encounter with Miguel taught me so much about the true meaning of wealth, and I think of him often. I think of him when I catch myself complaining that my 1,000 square foot house is too small, or when my power bill is more than I expected. But mostly, I think of Miguel when I need to be reminded that the gift of hope is priceless.

My friends, this weekend many of us will put up our Christmas tree and hang bright lights and stockings. We will set up our nativity scenes and sing Christmas carols. And in the midst of our Christmas traditions, we will turn our hearts toward the reason we celebrate.

What better way to celebrate Jesus than to wrap our hope around the lives of those with needs greater than ours?

We can share our hope by serving at our local soup kitchen, or filling shoe boxes with small toys and treats for underprivileged children to open on Christmas day.

We can collect coats and blankets to give to homeless families in our communities.

Or we can sponsor a child, like Miguel, which provides school supplies, spiritual nourishment, health care and clothing.

No matter how big or small our budget, we can make a difference. As we reach out to those around us in Jesus' Name, we provide something much more valuable than any earthly treasure. We share the gift of hope!

Dear Lord, give me Your eyes to see and Your ears to hear the needs of those around me; not just at Christmas, but always. I long to share Your passion for the poor and the needy. Help me remember true wealth is not measured by the size of my bank account, but by the size of my heart. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit LeAnn’s She Cooks website for practical ways you can bring hope to those around you this holiday season and throughout the year, regardless of your budget.

Prayerfully consider Sponsoring a Child through Compassion International as a Christmas gift to Jesus this year. Children sponsored through Compassion International learn about Jesus as they receive healthcare, tutoring, school supplies, clothing, and vocational training. When you sponsor a child you not only change the life of a child, you change the life of a family and a community, in Jesus’ Name.

Do You Know Jesus?

Sharing Grace: Recipes - Family Traditions - Gift Ideas by LeAnn Rice

Too Small to Ignore: Why the Least of These Matters Most by Dr. Wess Stafford

Application Steps:
Look for opportunities to share the hope and love of Jesus Christ with "the least of these" this Christmas and throughout the year.

Reflections:
Reflect on Proverbs 31:20, "She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy." (NIV)

If I take an honest inventory of "my" belongings, do I really need four sets of towels? Do I need to stop for my special coffee this morning? Do my kids truly need that many Christmas presents this year? Who could benefit if I say "no" to any of these questions?

Power Verses:
Acts 2:44-47, "All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." (NIV)

Matthew 25:45, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." (NIV)
　
© 2010 by LeAnn Rice. All rights reserved.

A Recipe for Relationships

Micca Monda Campbell

"Because he loved him as he loved himself." 1 Samuel 20:17b (NIV)

So many people today are looking for meaningful relationships, yet so few actually find them. My mother use to tell me to count myself lucky if I had just one "close friend." That's because close life-long relationships are hard to come by. Since we are becoming an increasingly private society, it seems that fewer people than ever actually have life-long intimate friends. Still, the desire for this kind of relationship is not only sought after, but necessary.

Women are naturally drawn to other women. In fact, a girl's first experience with heartache may have been over a lost "best friend" rather than a "boyfriend." Women value friendships. When they are lost, we grieve; not just over the friendship itself, but also for the secrets shared, the trust given and the acceptance enjoyed. If betrayed, the pain runs deep causing us to wonder if intimate friendships are really possible.

When I think of a biblical example of real friendship, the story of David and Jonathan, found in 1 Samuel 19, always comes to mind.

Jonathan, son of King Saul, was David's closest friend. The King despised David because he was growing in popularity and because God had anointed David to be king. These facts enraged King Saul, and he commanded his aids and Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan loved David; therefore he would not betray David.

Love isn't the only fruit of true friendship. A real relationship consists of sacrifice too.

We discover in this story that Jonathan stripped himself of the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his armor, his sword, his bow, and his belt. Jonathan was the potential heir to his father's throne, but we see him sacrificing his future for David as he literally gives David his place as king.

You and I learn from this action that true friendship means a willingness to sacrifice for each other in love. It's the ability to put another's needs, desires, and wishes above those of our own.

Loyalty is also a mark of true friendship. We're told that Jonathan went to his father and spoke well of David. Jonathan also stood up to his dad and said, "Dad, you're wrong about David. He hasn't done anything against you, in fact, everything he's done has helped you." A true friend is a loyal defense before others; one who won't talk about you when you're not around. True friends stick up for each other and are ready to defend when others attack.

Finally, intimate friends give each other complete freedom to be themselves. In an intimate friendship, you don't have to explain why you do what you do. You're just free to do it.

When Jonathan gave David the sign that things were not okay in the palace and that his dad was going to kill David, the two were forced to say goodbye. The text tells us they wept together.

When your heart is broken, you can bleed all over a friend like this and she'll understand. She won't try to comfort you in your misery or tell you to straighten up. Intimate friends let each other hurt and they weep together. If your friend needs to complain, you will listen. Intimate friends don't bale, they stay. They allow you to be yourself no matter what 'self' looks like.

If you're looking for a Godly recipe for relationships, look no further. Mix together love, sacrifice, loyalty, and freedom and you can create an intimate friendship that lasts a lifetime.

Dear Lord, help me to be a friend like Jonathan. Then, bless me with the same. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
An Untroubled Heart: Finding Faith that is Stronger than My Fears by Micca Campbell

Visit Micca’s blog

Cultivating a Heart of Contentment (CD) by Micca Campbell

The Friends We Keep: A Woman's Quest for the Soul of Friendship by Sarah Zacharias Davis

Turn Your Girlfriends into Sisters, our Everyday Life article offering great friendship tips!

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When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you!________________________________________

Application Steps:
Develop the kind of character that attracts others. While David had enemies, he also had a growing number of people who loved him. People are naturally attracted to someone who shines with God-like attributes. One the other hand, most are turned off by mean, selfish people. Whatever is on the inside will show on the outside - so ask God to develop in you the kind of traits that draw people of good characteristics.

Reflections:
What kind of friend am I?

Do I exhibit loyalty, love, freedom, and sacrifice in my relationships? Why or Why not?

Power Verses:
John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (NIV)

© 2010 by Micca Campbell. All rights reserved.　

Charles

Rachel Olsen

"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)

"The gift enclosed was a new watch. A climbing watch made by Suunto. Called the Core."

As my eyes scanned these sentences on page 313 of The Mountain Between Us, I forgot momentarily about the novel's characters. Instead I pictured the watch the author had given my husband years ago.

A Timex Ironman with more buttons and functions than I'd know what to do with.

Rick and I met Charles at graduate school. The two men bonded over darts, basketball, Jesus, discussions of Walker Percy, hunting, music and Dr. Brown's doctoral communication theory lectures.

I'd often find the two of them in the computer lab engrossed in conversation. Or else, laughing so hard sound ceased to emanate from their gaping mouths. Rick's computer screen always contained academic-speak and research terms. Charles', more often than not, would reveal short stories he was composing. I still remember the first one I read. A piece about his sister Annie called Humble Pie…

The timepiece was accompanied by a letter. In a poetic way only a budding novelist could pen, Charles detailed all the characteristics about Rick that inspired him. All the challenges they faced and overcame together. And how much he valued Rick's friendship. He included the verse, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17, NIV).

Charles explained he'd given the same watch to a select few men in his life that had also been a significant source of inspiration. "Iron men" he called them. Men who had sharpened him. Charles described them in the letter too – each one impressive in their own right. Rick wasn't so sure he was worthy of the comparison. Of course, it wasn't really a comparison – it was a celebration. A symbolic token of friendship and appreciation.

Rick wore that watch until the battery died. Then he replaced the battery. He wore it until the band broke, then he put a new band on it. After all, it's not every day someone tells you you're an Iron Man. But each day Rick looked at that watch, Charles did.

Our time at graduate school came to a close causing the men to go their separate ways. Rick to Wilmington to teach college, Charles to Jacksonville to eventually publish stories. Moving stories. Stories where broken people heal and find hope. Stories that show the reader what love looks like.

In an interview Charles said a driving force in his novels is writing a story that answers the question, "What does it look like to really love somebody?" The characters' lives in Charles' books answer that question. So does the novelist's own life.

I asked Rick this week, "What do you think are Charles' strengths as a friend?" Rick paused for split-second and then said, "He is honest about his stuff and requires that you be honest about yours too." Then he added, "And he knows how to love."

Sounds like that sharpening thing goes both ways.

Dear Lord, thank You for strong friendships. Thank You for examples of how to love. And thank You for the prime example of what it looks like to really love somebody, seen in the life of Your Son. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Charles Martin’s The Mountain Between Us is this month’s She Reads pick. To learn more about the book, more about the author, and enter to win a copy of The Mountain plus a gorgeous scarf and several of his other novels, head to SheReads.org.

Want to read Rachel’s review of Charles’ latest novel The Mountain Between Us? Stop by Rachel’s blog at RachelOlsen.com.

It's No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know by Rachel Olsen

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When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you support the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide women around the world. While we wish we could compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses, we're a non-profit ministry. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Find a way to show your friend(s) who they are and what they mean to you.

Reflections:
Who in your life sharpens you the way today's verse talks about?

If you met Charles yourself, you'd get the feeling he would give you the starched white dress shirt off his back if you needed it. Do the people who know you sense that kind of gracious love in you?

What does it look like to really love somebody?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 27:9, "The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." (NLT)

John 15:13, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." (NLT)

© 2010 by Rachel Olsen. All rights reserved.

Beginnings

Samantha Reed, P31 Executive Assistant

"I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth." 1 Corinthians 3:6 (NASB)

Every story has a beginning, middle and end. The same is true for the story of our life. Our education starts in kindergarten, goes through elementary and middle schools and ends in high school or college. A romantic relationship begins with friendship, passes into dating and culminates in marriage. Meals start with appetizers, lead to a main entrée and finish with dessert.

How about our salvation story? The middle of every believer's salvation story is a relationship with God, and the end is eternity with Him. What about the beginning? That's different for everyone. Maybe a salvation-seed is planted while attending church with a neighbor. Perhaps a grandma's prayers are rays of sunshine on a cold heart. Hard, bitter soil may soften through the kindness of a women making room on the pew. Or roots sprout when a stranger in the front of the line buys lunch for those behind her.

Yes, every salvation story has a beginning. Have you considered the possibility that you could be part of someone's beginning? Unbeknownst to me, I was part of my friend Javier's!

Javier and I were neighbors in college a decade ago. Our roommates dated, so we hung out often. We cooked dinner. Spent lazy afternoons watching movies. Cheered next to each other at football games. When I took guitar lessons, Javier taught me chords. Despite all this time together, I'm sorry to say I rarely brought the Lord up in conversation. Over the years we've kept in touch sporadically. So when Javier sent me this email, I was humbled and amazed.

Just wanted to thank you for being in my life in college. I came to Christ about four years or so ago and when looking back in my life, I think of people that were examples I wanted to follow. Even though we hardly talked about God, I knew you were a Christian and really admired that about you. Talk about planting a seed that didn't bear fruit right away. 10 years in the making. I am glad I am able to tell people who helped me find Christ how important they were.

The day I received Javier's email was one of the best days of my life! To know I had planted a seed in his salvation-story is an honor. Our key verse teaches we each can play an important role in bringing salvation to others. We may not always be fortunate enough to know the outcome of the seeds we plant, or water, but we can have confidence the Lord will cause growth.

Javier's story inspires me to plant more seeds by being intentional with my words, deeds and actions. I want to be the neighbor, grandma, woman or stranger... the friend or family member ... church member or coworker ... who plays a role in the salvation stories of others. How about you?

Dear Lord, You are in control of all things. Thank You for calling me out of darkness and into Your marvelous light. Please use me as an instrument in someone else's salvation story so they too may walk in Your light. I long to be a willing vessel; help me to do this for Your glory. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Do You Know Him?

Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper

What Happens When Women Walk in Faith by Lysa TerKeurst

Join Javier today on Samantha’s blog where she is doing a Q&A and a giveaway!

______________________________________
When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:

Is there someone you have prayed to come to salvation for years? Re-read Javier's email and take heart. Seeds take time to grow. Keep praying. Our God is the God of hope (Romans 15:13, NIV).

Perhaps it's time to follow up with that person if you don't talk to them regularly.

Reflections:
Who in my life doesn't know the Lord?

How can I be part of their salvation story?

Power Verses:
Matthew 5:16, "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (NIV)

John 13:35, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." (ESV)

Luke 15:10, "There is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." (ESV)

© 2010 by Samantha Reed. All rights reserved.

Rebuilt

Amy Carroll

"Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:4-5 (NIV)

"Are you sure you're ready to have a tiger by the tail?" mom asked with a big grin. That was her first response when my then-boyfriend Barry asked my parents if he could marry me. It still makes me laugh, because I was certainly a strange mix of rule-following, first-child with a wide streak of sassiness and fierce independence. I'm still not sure Barry had any idea what he was getting into when he said, "I do."

That was over twenty years ago, so when Barry asked an unexpected question during our family vacation this year, it opened my eyes to some of God's difficult work in my life. Barry and I sat on the deck overlooking the ocean talking in low voices about the topics that concern many of us--finances, parenting, plans for the future... Suddenly, Barry asked his startling question.

"If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?"

My mind went blank except for the thought, "Whew! This is a really loaded question." At first I didn't want to answer (why ruin a great evening?), but I finally answered, braced myself and re-asked the question, "What would you change about me?"

I had a pretty good list going in my mind of what I thought he'd say--I wish you weren't so critical. I wish you wouldn't talk so much. I wish you would cook dinner more often.

What he actually said surprised me. "I want you to get your confidence back. When I married you, your favorite phrase was, 'I'll do it myself!' I've watched you lose your confidence over the years, and I want you to have it back." He replied.

A move, a couple of friendships with bad endings and struggling to find a place in my new home town had knocked the stuffing right out of me. I had fought and lost against my own tendency toward comparison, perfectionism and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Little by little, I became convinced that I couldn't and that I wasn't. My confidence was shaken and then it crumbled.

But sometimes things have to be torn down before they can be rebuilt.

Was it God's plan that I would move, fail in some friendships and beat myself bloody trying to be somebody else? No! He did, however, use this bad place to bring me to a better place. God began rebuilding in me about a year ago, but He capped it off when I got home from our She Speaks conference this year. There He spoke to me over and over again about trusting my life to His control. The scripture in my Sunday school class the following Sunday was our key verse today, 2 Corinthians 3:4-6: "Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." (NIV)

I started with, "I can do it," but God brought me to "He can do it in me." He has brought me out of my own power, which is so limited and flawed, to being dependent on the infilling power of His Spirit. Confidence in myself has very limited power whereas confidence in Him brings limitless possibilities.

I know that I'll still have days of struggle with confidence, but my rebuilt and renewed sense of confidence is now firmly in Christ. It's a beautiful place to be.

Dear Lord, I have depended on myself so many times and fallen short. My confidence has been shaken. Rebuild me by helping me to put my full confidence in You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

It's No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know by Rachel Olsen

Visit Amy’s blog for more encouragement today!

What Happens When Women Walk in Faith by Lysa TerKeurst

Read our free encouragement, Healing in Hurting Times

________________________________________
When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Journal a prayer thanking God for His limitless power and capabilities. Ask God to fill you with His power while giving up your own.

Reflections:
Am I truly dependent on God, or do I rely primarily on myself?

Where is my focus when I am struggling with confidence?

Power Verses:
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build…." (NIV)

Philippians 3:3, "For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh…" (NIV)

© 2010 by Amy Carroll. All rights reserved.

The Real Meaning of Perfection

Tracie Miles

"So you are also complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every rule and authority." Colossians 2:10 (NLT)

I recently earned the unofficial title of mom-of-the-year. How? I made muffins. Not just plain ol' muffins, mind you. Chocolate chip and blueberry muffins in the cute, baby-muffin pan.

I had risen early, pre-heated the oven, and wiped the sweat from my brow, as I quietly set about my muffin-making task, just like a good Proverbs 31 woman would do. As the muffins began to appear plump and golden, the savory aroma permeated the house.

Then it happened.

My children came bolting down the stairs as if the house were on fire. One of them jumped up and down and screeched in delight, while the other one yelled, "Yeah, muffins!" They paced the kitchen until the coveted pastries were done; then gobbled them up. Everyone was happy. I was thanked, appreciated and hugged. Even though they acted as if I had never fed them breakfast before, it was still awesome. I coveted my new mom-of-the-year entitlement.

Shortly after, it was time to leave for school. I hurried everyone along, with instructions for teeth brushing, book bag gathering, and snack grabbing activities.

Then it happened.

My son exclaimed that his coat was missing, even though it had been in his hand ten minutes earlier. Apparently the coat fairy had snatched it and hid his coat in her invisible closet.

In the process of his frantic coat search, my son accidentally stepped on my daughter's toe. Not just any ol' toe, but the toe that had incurred a serious stumping injury the day before. Instant drama, tears, accusations of doing it on purpose, and flying Band-aids filled the air.

In the midst of the excitement, my other daughter discovered that the coat fairy had taken her coat too - and possibly her shoes. She was having trouble locating her things due to the onslaught of incoming text messages that kept distracting her search efforts. Thus, threats were made about losing phone privileges if it continued to interfere with life itself.

Now that my son was going to be tardy for school - again - because my daughters were not ready, again (primarily due to excessive hair-straightening obligations as opposed to muffin eating) - a heated discussion took place before we finally made it out the door.

My wonderful mom-of-the-year-Proverbs-31-woman award fell to the floor and shattered in a million tiny shreds of disappointment. Calmness, patience, mercy and joy flew out the window quicker than those Band-aids had flown around the kitchen.

Our happy, peaceful, muffin-eating, hug-giving, laugh-sharing moments seemed fuzzy memories. As we drove to school, the chaos slowly slipped away. Emotions calmed. Tears dried.

Positive, loving discussions occurred and I gradually began to feel like maybe I wasn't that bad of a mother after all.

Driving home, I realized that I was holding myself up to unrealistic standards - my own standards for perfection and performance, not God's.

You see, my heart longed to be like that seemingly perfect Proverbs 31 mom. The kind of mom who is always patient, helpful, calm, understanding and reasonable in every circumstance. The kind of mom who never loses her temper. The kind of mom whose children arise every morning and call her blessed, with or without muffins.

It's easy to get hung up on the woman described in Proverbs 31. We begin to believe that God holds us to an unrealistic standard of goodness and perfection. But God sees perfection differently than we do.

Webster's defines the word 'perfect' as "being complete; lacking in nothing." God knows we cannot be perfect physically, but He does desire that we become complete spiritually. Our spirit can be perfect through the blood of Christ, even when our flesh fails.

Our efforts to model the Proverbs 31 woman should be focused on the love that was behind her actions, not the actions themselves. This woman is simply one whose outward actions were a result of a heart being transformed into Christ-likeness. She was exemplary because God's intervention had influenced her life, not because her human efforts were perfect.

So I've decided that my love for my children, not what I cook them for breakfast, will be what determines my attitude and identity today. How about you?

Dear Lord, draw me close to You. Transform my heart, and motivate me to desire completion in You, as opposed to my own standards of perfection. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit Tracie’s blog

The Uncommon Woman: Making an Ordinary Life Extraordinary by Susie Larson

Reinventing Your Rainbow by Tracie Miles

The Mom I want to Be by T. Suzanne Eller

________________________________________
When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Consider who set the standards that you have been trying to live up to.

Reflections:
Does my inability to be perfect cause me to feel discouraged or hopeless?

Have I forgotten that my identity and value come only from Christ within me?

Power Verses:
Psalm 18:32, "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." (NIV)

Psalm 119:96, "Even perfection has its limits, but your commands have no limit." (NLT)

© 2010 by Tracie Miles. All rights reserved.

A Slow Boil

Melanie Chitwood

"Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex." Hebrews 13:4 (MSG)

There's a familiar story about the best way to boil a frog – not something I can imagine needing to know, but it offers a good lesson. The story goes that if you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, his survival instincts will cause him immediately to detect the danger and he'll quickly jump out. On the other hand, if you put a frog in a pot of cool water and gradually turn the heat up to a boil, he won't recognize the threat until it's too late.

The lesson here for marriage is to be aware of gradual temperature increases. I've heard people say that an affair "just happened." That may be true in the sense that sexual sin often does not start with a blatantly willful act. A more accurate portrayal of marital infidelity would be to say that the attraction and "temperature" gradually increases the more you are around that person. In other words, affairs develop little by little.

A friendly conversation with a workmate moves to flirtatious comments. Perhaps you find yourself wondering if he finds you attractive. You look forward to your next conversation. Your talks move from chit-chat to more intimate emotional matters. The next step might be secret emails, texts, Facebook messages or phone calls. Then, like the boiling frog, you find yourself in the scalding waters of marital infidelity.

What are some safeguards you can establish to protect your marriage from gradual temperature increases? What can help you avoid being in situations that might cause you or your spouse to be tempted to be unfaithful?
Here are a few suggestions:

• Avoid one-on-one time with someone of the opposite sex. If work or ministry put you in this situation, limit the amount of time spent with the other person. Keep in public places. Keep your office door open.

• Avoid friendships with other men, unless the friendship includes your husband. Be aware that many affairs begin as emotionally as a connection of the heart.

• Be careful how you talk about your spouse and with whom you talk. Aim to always present your spouse in the best light. Be careful not to vent about him, especially to another man.

• Give your spouse free access to your "technology." "No secrets" is a good rule of thumb when it comes to Facebook, texts, and emails.

Truthfully, I probably would have thought this devotion was pretty extreme when I had been married only a short time. So if you're thinking that, I understand. However, after nineteen years of marriage, after researching and writing about marriage for years, and after I've seen many Christian marriages fall apart because couples failed to take preventative measures, I assure you, this is wise.

Consider the ideas presented here, pray about this issue, talk to your spouse, and establish healthy safeguards for your marriage. And I pray you never find your relationship in the boiling pot of infidelity or divorce.

Dear Lord, deliver me from temptation. Make me wise in these matters. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Looking for great gifts for Christmas? Need some extra incentive to buy a book you’ve had your eye on? We’ve got just what you’re looking for and it’s on sale! This week, all our resources are offered at a 31% discount. Click a title below to visit our P31 store and save big!

Today’s devotion is adapted from What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood.

Looking for a gift for a couple? Pair Melanie’s book above with her book What a Husband Needs from His Wife for a wonderful gift set – at 31% off.

Visit Melanie’s blog “What Matters Most”

Application Steps:
Discuss with your spouse the safeguards suggested here to protect your marriage. Are there any you both want to agree to follow?

Consider being accountability partners with a friend concerning your marriage. Choose someone you trust, someone you can be honest with, and someone who is willing to hold you to God's principles in your marriage.

Reflections:
Do you think the safeguards discussed in this devotion are too extreme?

What safeguards do you have in place?

Do you pray daily for your spouse and marriage?

Power Verses:
1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." (NIV)

Matthew 19:6, "'So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.'" (NIV)

(2010 c) Melanie Chitwood. All Rights Reserved.

Divine Design

Lynn Cowell

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)

Boiling point. That is what I had reached as I sat on the floor in my office thinking, "How did I get here?" Was it the discovery of a third needed root canal in my son's mouth only one week before he started college? Maybe it was the discussion of who was going to take over his room when he left? It was also my daughter's new job which required me to provide transportation right in the middle of the day. I guess at that point it didn't really matter. I could feel a slow boil in my heart and I feared an explosion was nearing the surface.

Proverbs 14:1 instructed me that morning with exactly what I needed to hear, "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down" (NIV).

The choice was and is mine: to be part of the divine design or the devil's demolition. My kids don't make me blow up. My husband doesn't cause me to feel exasperated. Proverbs makes it pretty clear, it's my choice.

That is a lot of power. I think, at least in America where for years women have fought for equal rights, we've missed this enormous amount of power that we have held since Eve was created: the power to build a home.

We hear of women who build innovative businesses and women who build influential ministries, but how about women who build solid homes, investing in lifelong marriages and raising up godly children as the next generation? Proverbs says this woman is wise. Never mind what society says is valuable and praiseworthy. This power is of utmost importance. This tremendous power that is within us is the power to build or destroy and we, the women of the home, hold it.

Learning to wield this power isn't something that just happens. Jesus gives insight in Matthew 12:34 when He says that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Our mouths are one of our primary tools. So, what is the mouth's source? Our heart.

That is why we have to be so careful what we allow to linger there. Is it positive thoughts about our kid's, their behavior, their future, their friends? Do we think good things about our husbands throughout the day, thankful for their hard work, grateful for their companionship?

If our mouths are currently being used to tear down instead of build up, it's time for a heart overhaul; time to get the thoughts that we dwell on lined up with the good that is right under our roof.

Friend, I hope you will join me, inviting the Holy Spirit to empower you today to build your home. Look for ways to invest and opportunities to hold back those words that tear down. He wants to make us builders. Let's say "yes"!

Lord, I want to build today. I can see what this day holds: driving in carpool, washing dirty clothes, making another supper and learning third grade math…again. Open my eyes and shut my mouth when my actions are leaning toward destruction. May I choose inspiration, not irritation. Make me a builder empowered by your Holy Spirit with strength and wisdom. Thank You for this incredible opportunity. May I make You proud! Amen.

Related Resources:
The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

Would you like more ideas on how to build a bridge to your child’s heart? Stop by Lynn’s blog for an opportunity to win her teaching CD on doing just that.

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

She's Gonna Blow! Real Help For Dealing With Mom Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill

________________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you!________________________________________

Application Steps:
Start a Bible study with some friends or neighbors choosing to focus on either marriage or raising kids. Click here to find some great studies to help you get started.

Visit our Everyday Life section to read more encouraging articles on family life.

Reflections:
What time of the day do you find most difficult when it comes to being a woman who builds and invests positively in your family?

In addition to spending time in prayer and reading God's Word, what do you need to do to be successful in building up your home: accountability with friends, more sleep, a better diet, exercise?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 14:8, "The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lynn Cowell. All rights reserved.

Greater Love

Luann Prater

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 (NIV)

I'm a killer. Yes, you read that right. I'm laying it out there and admitting it. Although, it's probably not what you think ... I've been a friendship-killer for much of my life.

I've wondered if it is from my dysfunctional home life as a kid. We moved annually, which meant a different school every year until I was a teenager. For an extremely shy girl this was terrifying. Dread and cold sweats came the night before I had to face another new classroom, new stares, new whispers and new giggles.

The layers built up; I figured it didn't really matter if classmates liked me because I probably wouldn't be there long anyway. Occasionally I would open up just a bit. Then Mom would say, "Pack up," and along with the boxes, my heart would seal up too.

It just hurt too much to hope that friendships could ever last. I was certain they couldn't, so I killed them before they ever developed deep. End it now before I'm too invested, was my mindset.

Maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about. We can fool ourselves into thinking that we don't need to open up and risk the pain of rejection or the devastation of potential loss.

Girlfriend, let me tell you what I discovered. The apostle John paints a portrait of a warm, real Jesus. Through that portrait Jesus reached out to me. He came into my heart and at that moment the love of the Savior began changing my life. I now have a greater love. I have found the same living water that Jesus offered to the woman at the well in the gospel of John.

It's been a spring welling up to eternal life! And I've discovered that when you begin to live that effervescent life, it becomes contagious! The joy that bubbles up from the inside cannot be hidden. Others are drawn to you and wonder how you can have joy in all circumstances.

And then it happens. Friendships develop. The old me would shut down, walk away or sabotage a relationship. I just didn't think I had what it takes to keep a friendship alive and healthy. And I don't, but God does. The new me embraces friends!

Maybe you've struggled with friendships. God crossed our paths today on purpose. He is asking us to take a risk. Let your guard down and love, as He loved us.

Dear Lord, thank You for loving me and teaching me how to welcome friends into my life with a greater love. Open my mind to see beyond myself today and take the risk of relationships built on You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

A Life That Says Welcome, Simple Ways to Open Your Heart & Home to Others by Karen Ehman

I'll Bring the Chocolate: Satisfying a Woman's Craving for Friendship and Faith Karen Porter

Visit Luann’s blog and Encouragement Café!

When a Woman Meets Jesus: Finding the Love Every Woman Longs For by Dorothy Valcarcel

Application Steps:
Read John 4.

Ask God to open your heart to His greater love. Slip on your God goggles and look for hurting hearts around you today.

Reflections:
What relationship does God want to grow in my heart?

When will I take the risk?

How can I reach out to someone with greater love today?

Power Verses:
Matthew 19:19b "...love your neighbor as yourself." (NIV)

Luke 6:27 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you." (NIV)

© 2010 by Luann Prater. All rights reserved.

Biting My Tongue

Rachel Olsen

"If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 (NIV)
What a challenging verse Paul penned in Romans 12:18.

Several years ago someone close to me confided their plans to me. They told a few other people I know at the same time. None of us thought her plans were wise, yet no one said anything in response.

But me.

Feeling her plans weren't well thought out or grounded in God's Word, I feared she would wind up with regret and likely hurt other people in the process. I didn't want to see my friend make what I felt would be a big mistake. So I tried logically and lovingly to lay out for her the reasons I felt this way. She took offense and got angry with me. Honestly, I expected that. No one likes to have their plans blocked or their decisions questioned.

What I didn't expect was her to verbally to attack me, my character, my marriage and my role in ministry in response! But that's what she did, including some choice allegations and blatant lies.

I don't like to argue – at all – but that said, I'm pretty good at it when I'm mad. (I'm a communication instructor after all.) Once I reach boiling point, I can explode. And in the past I've let my emotions and my mouth run unchecked in situations like this.

I had a large load of ammunition I could fire back at her with, and more than half a mind to do so. But I also had the Spirit of God in my soul and the words of Paul memorized. So I chose to bite my tongue this time.

It was hard.

Feeling nudged by God, I resolved not to fire back or call her to task for what she had said. I resisted pointing out that my comments to her were an attempt to look out for everyone's well-being including hers. And resisted pointing out that her comments to me seemed hateful in return. Instead, I took all my anger, hurt feelings and lengthy "speeches" to Jesus.

I prayed while I waited for my hurting heart to catch up with my decision to overlook this offense. It took months for that process to complete in me. Hurt feelings often die hard.

As much as it was up to me, that's all I felt I could do.

It took a couple years for her to fully come back around, but she did. She also never went through with those plans. And the others in the group saw her attack for what it was: an unfounded tirade leveled in the heat of the moment.

Our relationship today is intact and she's even OK with me sharing our story. I firmly believe this is because I bit my tongue, and prayed with it rather than burning relational bridges. Though she questioned my character at the time, I let God be my advisor and my defense – and then let my actions speak for themselves. And I don't regret any part of that course of action, unlike those times in the past when I simply spewed.

One thing I've learned living on this planet is we sure have a hard time being at peace with one another. But when God's Spirit is given room to move in a woman's hurting heart, she can graciously handle conflict and overlook an offense. It's not easy, but it is worth it.

Hebrews 12:14 says, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord" (NIV). So today, as much as it is up to us, let's allow peace to reign and Christ to be seen.

Dear Lord, relationships can be so hard to navigate. Help me know when to hold my tongue and pray instead. Help me overlook the little offenses made in ignorance or the insults made in the heat of an argument. And help me to also know when I should stand up and speak up. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
If this devotion touched a chord in you, you’ll want to read chapter 4, “Keep a Heavenly Lawyer on Retainer,” of Rachel’s new book It's No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know

Visit Rachel’s blog and leave a prayer request if you need help biting your tongue or waiting on God to restore a relationship.

________________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you impact eternity. Your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you!________________________________________

Application Steps:
Train yourself to pause and pray as soon as you feel offended. Begin that habit today.

Reflections:
How do I typically respond when I feel offended?

Read all of Hebrews 12:1-15.

Power Verses:
Hebrews 12:14-15, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (NIV)

© 2010 by Rachel Olsen. All rights reserved.

Words

Lysa TerKeurst

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people, who have been made in God's likeness." James 3:9 (NIV)

A few weeks ago two of my kids were having a growth opportunity. "Growth opportunity" is the new phrase us TerKeursts use for "fight." It's like when people say pink is the new black.
Growth opportunity is the new fight.

Anyhow, back to the two kids who love each other but didn't like each other very much in the heat of the moment. I pulled out my proverbial soap box, got my hand positioned just right on my hip, and told these two young teens to look outside the window of our home. I told them that outside our home a world exists of people who may or may not be nice to us. There are no guarantees.

"But, inside this house," I continued as I turned them toward one another, "there are certain guarantees. Since the day I birthed you, I have preached one sermon about the words spoken in our home. It is a simple sermon. Before you part your lips to speak, you must ask yourself this question: Are my words kind, necessary, and true?"

"If the answer to all three parts of that question is yes…proceed ahead."

"If the answer to any part of that question is no…stop the words from coming out."

Does that mean there is no room to address hard issues with one another? No. But it will always be done with a spirit of kindness using only words that are necessary and true.

I then ushered these precious teens outside to a bench in my front yard and instructed them to figure out their issues between the two of them. But they were not going to bring words into our house unless they were kind, necessary, and true. Thank you very much. Have a nice time on this warm little bench on this warm little day.

Be sure when reading that last paragraph to do it with the mama attitude. I'll wait right here if you need to go back and re-read with attitude.

There are some verses in James I'm considering writing on the palm of my hand. Think of how handy it would be just to flash my palm up in the midst of my people's growth opportunities with this verse in bold ink: "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My people, this should not be" (James 3:9-10).

That same chapter of James goes on to read, "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice" (verse 16).

Have mercy. I do not want disorder and every evil practice to be invited into my home. And if envy and selfish ambition (which are where ugly words come from) are the key that opens the door for all that evil mess, then I will do everything with the power of Jesus in me to tame tongues. And all my Jesus girlfriends said, Amen!

Dear Lord, help me to know how to teach my children how to be more like You. Help me to model You in my actions, my reactions, and in every word I say. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
If you are on board with this, leave a comment on Lysa’s blog today by clicking here . Just think what might happen if all of us commit to kind, necessary and true words only.

Plus, leave your name on Lysa’s blog post and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win a copy of Lysa’s latest book!

To read more about taming the tongue using “Kind, Necessary and True Words,” get a copy of Lysa’s latest book, Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

_______________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Take a moment to think about the words spoken in your home. Are they laced with tones of harshness? Bitterness? Envy? What can you do today to begin to improve these words and tones?

Reflections:
Ask the Lord to help you shine a light on all of the words that are spoken within the walls of your home so you can recognize any flaws and begin to change them. Growth and a change of direction can only begin when we can see and admit there is an issue.

Power Verses:
Philippians 2:5, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." (NIV)

Philippians 1:9-10, "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Accountability Counts

Marybeth Whalen

"For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad." II Corinthians 5:10 (NIV)

I sat on my bed feeling disappointed in myself. I had been to a party and, instead of abstaining from the junk food they were serving, I had indulged. Why did I keep cheating on the healthy diet I was trying to stick to? Just last year I was unswerving in my commitment to eat healthy, never cheating. I kept my eye on the prize of weight loss and better living through proper nutrition. While I still cared about how I looked and, even more, how I felt, I had less willpower than before. What had changed? As I thought back, I realized one essential component had changed from last year to this: accountability.

Last year I saw a doctor every week who weighed me, measured me and talked to me about my choices. She held me accountable in every sense of the word and there were many times that accountability of knowing I was going to have to check in with her kept me from eating what I was not good for me. Accountability, I realized, counted.

This realization made me look at other areas of my life where accountability had made a difference. When I decided to chase my dream of finally writing a novel, I had a friend who held me accountable—even to the point of making me finish it when I wanted to do anything but.

That same friend also holds me accountable for the way I spend my time. She challenges me to keep my priorities in check and to live my life according to what I say my priorities are. We have the kind of relationship where she can say hard things—even when that's the last thing I want to hear.

Sometimes we resist accountability, even when it's the best thing for us. My husband recently put a computer program on our children's laptops that keeps up with what sites they visit as well as the amount of time they spend online and then sends us a report. They didn't relish the idea of being monitored, but we assured them that this accountability will go a long way towards helping them form good habits. Knowing someone is checking behind us, asking the hard questions, and calling us on our actions can make all of us better stewards and servants of Christ. Sometimes we must enter into an accountability relationship—not because we like it, but because it's the best thing for us.

What do you need to be held accountable for? Maybe it's spending more time with your family, watching your words, respecting your husband, limiting time wasters, committing to regular exercise, breaking a bad habit, or avoiding weak areas in your life.

A single friend of mine asked several friends to call her after every date she went on. She knew that the fact that she was being quizzed on her conduct later would help her make better decisions in the heat of the moment. Sometimes just knowing we will have to answer for our actions changes the whole outcome.

In the end we will be held accountable by Christ. II Corinthians 5:10 says the things we do will be judged by whether they were good, or bad. The word "bad" in this verse means worthless. This was sobering for me to understand. I could fool myself into thinking as long as I didn't do something "bad" I was in the clear. Instead this verse tells me that God is going to ask me, "Did you make your time count? Were the things you committed to of value to My Kingdom?"

If I have to be accountable to Him someday, I think it's a good idea to install godly accountability in my life now: the right words, the right choices, the right voices speaking into my life. I have learned that accountability counts towards a more abundant life. I just have to submit myself to it first.

Dear Lord, please show me the people in my life who would serve as good accountability partners. Help me to see what areas I could use some accountability in. I want the things I do to bring glory to You and add value to Your kingdom. Help me to accept accountability in my life and to submit myself to it. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

Visit Marybeth’s blog

The Mailbox by Marybeth Whalen

Confessions of a Good Christian Girl: The Secrets Women Keep and the Grace that Saves Them by Tammy Maltby

The Uncommon Woman: Making an Ordinary Life Extraordinary by Susie Larson
________________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Pray for God to show you someone who can hold you accountable. Then humbly ask that person.

Reflections:
What area of your life do you need accountability? What keeps you from opening yourself up to it? How could being accountable to someone else for your actions change your life for the better?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 12:15, "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." (NIV)

Proverbs 19:20, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise." (NIV)

© 2010 by Marybeth Whalen. All rights reserved.

Things That Seem So Small

Lysa TerKeurst

"A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV)

Yesterday, I was just mindlessly looking out the window of an airport watching a few seagulls dart about overhead while airline workers were busy loading bags. Nothing about the scene outside the airport window spoke of danger. But then suddenly I remembered the flight from New York a while back that was brought down by a few geese. The seagull that faded into the background just moments before became a point of extreme interest to me. What if?

It's amazing if you stop to think about it that a huge airplane could be brought down by just a few birds. Birds. Who would have thought? It makes me think about other seemingly small things that can cause great destruction as well… especially when it comes to marriage.

Words vented in frustration can seem so small.

Slightly disrespectful attitudes can seem so small.

Complaining about lack of finances can seem so small.

Brushing off his desires can seem so small.

Making mental lists of things you wish were different about him can seem so small.
But each one of these seemingly small things can so easily and tragically wedge itself into the core of a marriage and send it spiraling toward destruction. Entire families have been ripped apart by things that once seemed so small.

Listen to the heartbreak in this note that was anonymously posted on my blog:

"Girls...I know this seems small...but, it's really not. Take it from someone who has blown it more times in marriage than not. Now I have blown it enough to make myself a single mom. It's too late for me. But, it's not for you. Please be aware of the little things. I wouldn't have you join me for anything in the world. Be on your guard and protect your marriage."… Anonymous

I am challenged by this. I can't just mindlessly assume that my marriage is coasting along okay and that little problems can't topple even the most seemingly stable of legacies. I can't get complacent. I can't get prideful. I can't get lazy. I can't take the gift of my marriage for granted.

I have a great marriage but sometimes I slip into automatic and stop getting as intentional as I should about investing richly and deeply into our relationship. So, I've decided to declare this my get intentional week. Today I'm focusing on my words. I'm praying for God to interrupt my mouth at every turn today. I am going to hold my tongue against saying anything careless. I am going to intentionally use my words as gifts to my husband today and nothing else.

Not that one day of doing this can protect my marriage forever- but it sure is a good start. Care to join me? Oh you know there will be challenges ahead sweet sister, but I'm up for it. What about you?

Dear Lord, help me to realize that with each word I speak, I am making the choice to bless or to curse. Please help me to speak words that are pleasing to You - even when my emotions run high and my feelings beg me to betray this commitment. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Leave your prayer requests on Lysa’s blog today. It would be her complete honor and privilege to pray for your marriage and whatever circumstances you are facing right now.

Lysa is speaking in over 40 cities this year and she’d love to meet you!

If you identify with tough life circumstances and insecurities, consider getting a copy of Lysa’s latest book, Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

The accompanying DVD teaching series contains six 15-20 minute sessions, perfect for your Bible Study group or neighborhood Book Club! Pair it with the Bible Study workbook.

________________________________________
When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of life-changing ministry P31 provides at no cost. We simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Identify the areas of your marriage you may be struggling with – complacency, pride, laziness.

Look up verses in God's Word that address each.

Spend intentional time in prayer this week for your marriage and your husband.

Reflections:
What have I said recently to my spouse that seemed so small initially?

What have I done recently to my spouse that seemed so small initially?

What have I thought recently about my spouse that seemed so small initially?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (NIV)

Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." (NIV)

Philippians 4:13, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Why Does My Husband…

Melanie Chitwood

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14 (NAS)

Have you ever found yourself puzzled about why your husband does or doesn't do certain things? Are you ever frustrated with his quirks and preferences?

Why does he have to have the proper tool for his project, when it seems to you he already has ten power tools that could surely serve the purpose? Or why does he not get the kids to bed on time, like you reminded him to do? Doesn't he know a schedule is important? Perhaps you've been on the other end of your husband's frustration when you want to socialize at the party as late as possible, but he's ready to leave after an hour.

While a couple's differences stem from many sources, one of the main sources of our differences is our unique personality types. Years ago when I stumbled across a book, Florence Littauer's Personality Plus for Couples, I felt like a light bulb turned on as it offered insight into my husband. This man who is very different from me.

This book explains that every person tends to fall in one of four personality types: Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic, or Melancholy. Most people have a primary personality type and a secondary personality type, and each type comes with its positive and negative aspects.

The Sanguine personality type, also called the Popular Personality, is outgoing, adventurous, attention-seeking, talkative and social. Possible weaknesses of a Sanguine are they avoid anything that's not fun, tend to run late, and often do not finish projects.

When you think of the second personality type, the Choleric or Powerful Personality, think of a take-charge leader. Cholerics love challenges, are self-motivated, driven and determined. Their strong personalities can lend to weaknesses, such as being opinionated, stubborn or insensitive to other's feelings.

The third personality type, the Melancholy or Perfect Personality, tends to be introspective, creative, analytical and serious. Some of a melancholy's challenges are that they tend to be perfectionists, get their feelings hurt easily and can be critical of others.

Lastly, there's the Phlegmatic, the Peaceful Personality. Phlegmatics are laid-back, stable, calm and pleasant. While their peace-seeking personalities are helpful, they can avoid conflict at all costs, be scared to take a risk and may procrastinate.

Just reading this list makes me giggle as I think of a recent "situation" with my husband. As we prepared dinner for a cookout with neighborhood friends, Scott, a Sanguine-Choleric, got frustrated when he couldn't find the just-right knife for chopping up vegetables. To me, a phlegmatic-melancholy, it didn't seem like a big deal – any old knife would suit me fine for cutting up food. Later in the night when my more introverted melancholy side was showing, I was thankful for the talkative sanguine qualities of my husband who is great at making guests feel welcome.

Understanding my husband's personality type helps me to embrace him for the unique way God designed him. When I see how God gave each of us strengths and weaknesses, I see how we complement one another and how we truly are better together than apart.

Dear Lord, there are times when I just don't understand my husband, why he does or doesn't do certain things. Help us both to embrace one another's unique personalities. Lord, we trust that You can cause our differences to work for good in our marriage and in our individual lives. Lord, I want to go beyond just tolerating my husband's differences; I want to embrace them. I want to trust that our differences will complement each other, making us better together than apart. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit Melanie’s blog “What Matters Most” where she is sharing more about personality types and marriage today.

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Today’s devotion is adapted from Melanie’s book, What a Wife Needs from Her Husband

Personality Plus for Couples by Florence Littauer

Application Steps:
Take time with your spouse to identify each of your personality types.

Make a list of ten things about your spouse's unique personality that you're thankful for. Be specific! For example, "I'm thankful that Scott is a strong leader." Even more specific would be, "I'm thankful that Scott is a strong leader to our two sons, teaching them a strong work ethic by his example."

Reflections:
How do you and your husband complement one another?
How do you frustrate one another?

What can you do to embrace the way you complement one another, as opposed to letting frustrations with your differences lead to conflict?

In what ways are you and your husband "better together"?

Power Verses:
Genesis 1:17, "So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them…" (NAS)

Ecclesiastes 4:1, "Two are better than one…" (NAS)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.