A Recipe for Relationships

Micca Monda Campbell

"Because he loved him as he loved himself." 1 Samuel 20:17b (NIV)

So many people today are looking for meaningful relationships, yet so few actually find them. My mother use to tell me to count myself lucky if I had just one "close friend." That's because close life-long relationships are hard to come by. Since we are becoming an increasingly private society, it seems that fewer people than ever actually have life-long intimate friends. Still, the desire for this kind of relationship is not only sought after, but necessary.

Women are naturally drawn to other women. In fact, a girl's first experience with heartache may have been over a lost "best friend" rather than a "boyfriend." Women value friendships. When they are lost, we grieve; not just over the friendship itself, but also for the secrets shared, the trust given and the acceptance enjoyed. If betrayed, the pain runs deep causing us to wonder if intimate friendships are really possible.

When I think of a biblical example of real friendship, the story of David and Jonathan, found in 1 Samuel 19, always comes to mind.

Jonathan, son of King Saul, was David's closest friend. The King despised David because he was growing in popularity and because God had anointed David to be king. These facts enraged King Saul, and he commanded his aids and Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan loved David; therefore he would not betray David.

Love isn't the only fruit of true friendship. A real relationship consists of sacrifice too.

We discover in this story that Jonathan stripped himself of the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his armor, his sword, his bow, and his belt. Jonathan was the potential heir to his father's throne, but we see him sacrificing his future for David as he literally gives David his place as king.

You and I learn from this action that true friendship means a willingness to sacrifice for each other in love. It's the ability to put another's needs, desires, and wishes above those of our own.

Loyalty is also a mark of true friendship. We're told that Jonathan went to his father and spoke well of David. Jonathan also stood up to his dad and said, "Dad, you're wrong about David. He hasn't done anything against you, in fact, everything he's done has helped you." A true friend is a loyal defense before others; one who won't talk about you when you're not around. True friends stick up for each other and are ready to defend when others attack.

Finally, intimate friends give each other complete freedom to be themselves. In an intimate friendship, you don't have to explain why you do what you do. You're just free to do it.

When Jonathan gave David the sign that things were not okay in the palace and that his dad was going to kill David, the two were forced to say goodbye. The text tells us they wept together.

When your heart is broken, you can bleed all over a friend like this and she'll understand. She won't try to comfort you in your misery or tell you to straighten up. Intimate friends let each other hurt and they weep together. If your friend needs to complain, you will listen. Intimate friends don't bale, they stay. They allow you to be yourself no matter what 'self' looks like.

If you're looking for a Godly recipe for relationships, look no further. Mix together love, sacrifice, loyalty, and freedom and you can create an intimate friendship that lasts a lifetime.

Dear Lord, help me to be a friend like Jonathan. Then, bless me with the same. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
An Untroubled Heart: Finding Faith that is Stronger than My Fears by Micca Campbell

Visit Micca’s blog

Cultivating a Heart of Contentment (CD) by Micca Campbell

The Friends We Keep: A Woman's Quest for the Soul of Friendship by Sarah Zacharias Davis

Turn Your Girlfriends into Sisters, our Everyday Life article offering great friendship tips!

________________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you!________________________________________

Application Steps:
Develop the kind of character that attracts others. While David had enemies, he also had a growing number of people who loved him. People are naturally attracted to someone who shines with God-like attributes. One the other hand, most are turned off by mean, selfish people. Whatever is on the inside will show on the outside - so ask God to develop in you the kind of traits that draw people of good characteristics.

Reflections:
What kind of friend am I?

Do I exhibit loyalty, love, freedom, and sacrifice in my relationships? Why or Why not?

Power Verses:
John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (NIV)

© 2010 by Micca Campbell. All rights reserved.　

Charles

Rachel Olsen

"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)

"The gift enclosed was a new watch. A climbing watch made by Suunto. Called the Core."

As my eyes scanned these sentences on page 313 of The Mountain Between Us, I forgot momentarily about the novel's characters. Instead I pictured the watch the author had given my husband years ago.

A Timex Ironman with more buttons and functions than I'd know what to do with.

Rick and I met Charles at graduate school. The two men bonded over darts, basketball, Jesus, discussions of Walker Percy, hunting, music and Dr. Brown's doctoral communication theory lectures.

I'd often find the two of them in the computer lab engrossed in conversation. Or else, laughing so hard sound ceased to emanate from their gaping mouths. Rick's computer screen always contained academic-speak and research terms. Charles', more often than not, would reveal short stories he was composing. I still remember the first one I read. A piece about his sister Annie called Humble Pie…

The timepiece was accompanied by a letter. In a poetic way only a budding novelist could pen, Charles detailed all the characteristics about Rick that inspired him. All the challenges they faced and overcame together. And how much he valued Rick's friendship. He included the verse, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17, NIV).

Charles explained he'd given the same watch to a select few men in his life that had also been a significant source of inspiration. "Iron men" he called them. Men who had sharpened him. Charles described them in the letter too – each one impressive in their own right. Rick wasn't so sure he was worthy of the comparison. Of course, it wasn't really a comparison – it was a celebration. A symbolic token of friendship and appreciation.

Rick wore that watch until the battery died. Then he replaced the battery. He wore it until the band broke, then he put a new band on it. After all, it's not every day someone tells you you're an Iron Man. But each day Rick looked at that watch, Charles did.

Our time at graduate school came to a close causing the men to go their separate ways. Rick to Wilmington to teach college, Charles to Jacksonville to eventually publish stories. Moving stories. Stories where broken people heal and find hope. Stories that show the reader what love looks like.

In an interview Charles said a driving force in his novels is writing a story that answers the question, "What does it look like to really love somebody?" The characters' lives in Charles' books answer that question. So does the novelist's own life.

I asked Rick this week, "What do you think are Charles' strengths as a friend?" Rick paused for split-second and then said, "He is honest about his stuff and requires that you be honest about yours too." Then he added, "And he knows how to love."

Sounds like that sharpening thing goes both ways.

Dear Lord, thank You for strong friendships. Thank You for examples of how to love. And thank You for the prime example of what it looks like to really love somebody, seen in the life of Your Son. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Charles Martin’s The Mountain Between Us is this month’s She Reads pick. To learn more about the book, more about the author, and enter to win a copy of The Mountain plus a gorgeous scarf and several of his other novels, head to SheReads.org.

Want to read Rachel’s review of Charles’ latest novel The Mountain Between Us? Stop by Rachel’s blog at RachelOlsen.com.

It's No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know by Rachel Olsen

________________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you support the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide women around the world. While we wish we could compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses, we're a non-profit ministry. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Find a way to show your friend(s) who they are and what they mean to you.

Reflections:
Who in your life sharpens you the way today's verse talks about?

If you met Charles yourself, you'd get the feeling he would give you the starched white dress shirt off his back if you needed it. Do the people who know you sense that kind of gracious love in you?

What does it look like to really love somebody?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 27:9, "The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." (NLT)

John 15:13, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." (NLT)

© 2010 by Rachel Olsen. All rights reserved.

Rebuilt

Amy Carroll

"Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:4-5 (NIV)

"Are you sure you're ready to have a tiger by the tail?" mom asked with a big grin. That was her first response when my then-boyfriend Barry asked my parents if he could marry me. It still makes me laugh, because I was certainly a strange mix of rule-following, first-child with a wide streak of sassiness and fierce independence. I'm still not sure Barry had any idea what he was getting into when he said, "I do."

That was over twenty years ago, so when Barry asked an unexpected question during our family vacation this year, it opened my eyes to some of God's difficult work in my life. Barry and I sat on the deck overlooking the ocean talking in low voices about the topics that concern many of us--finances, parenting, plans for the future... Suddenly, Barry asked his startling question.

"If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?"

My mind went blank except for the thought, "Whew! This is a really loaded question." At first I didn't want to answer (why ruin a great evening?), but I finally answered, braced myself and re-asked the question, "What would you change about me?"

I had a pretty good list going in my mind of what I thought he'd say--I wish you weren't so critical. I wish you wouldn't talk so much. I wish you would cook dinner more often.

What he actually said surprised me. "I want you to get your confidence back. When I married you, your favorite phrase was, 'I'll do it myself!' I've watched you lose your confidence over the years, and I want you to have it back." He replied.

A move, a couple of friendships with bad endings and struggling to find a place in my new home town had knocked the stuffing right out of me. I had fought and lost against my own tendency toward comparison, perfectionism and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Little by little, I became convinced that I couldn't and that I wasn't. My confidence was shaken and then it crumbled.

But sometimes things have to be torn down before they can be rebuilt.

Was it God's plan that I would move, fail in some friendships and beat myself bloody trying to be somebody else? No! He did, however, use this bad place to bring me to a better place. God began rebuilding in me about a year ago, but He capped it off when I got home from our She Speaks conference this year. There He spoke to me over and over again about trusting my life to His control. The scripture in my Sunday school class the following Sunday was our key verse today, 2 Corinthians 3:4-6: "Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." (NIV)

I started with, "I can do it," but God brought me to "He can do it in me." He has brought me out of my own power, which is so limited and flawed, to being dependent on the infilling power of His Spirit. Confidence in myself has very limited power whereas confidence in Him brings limitless possibilities.

I know that I'll still have days of struggle with confidence, but my rebuilt and renewed sense of confidence is now firmly in Christ. It's a beautiful place to be.

Dear Lord, I have depended on myself so many times and fallen short. My confidence has been shaken. Rebuild me by helping me to put my full confidence in You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

It's No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know by Rachel Olsen

Visit Amy’s blog for more encouragement today!

What Happens When Women Walk in Faith by Lysa TerKeurst

Read our free encouragement, Healing in Hurting Times

________________________________________
When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Journal a prayer thanking God for His limitless power and capabilities. Ask God to fill you with His power while giving up your own.

Reflections:
Am I truly dependent on God, or do I rely primarily on myself?

Where is my focus when I am struggling with confidence?

Power Verses:
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build…." (NIV)

Philippians 3:3, "For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh…" (NIV)

© 2010 by Amy Carroll. All rights reserved.

Greater Love

Luann Prater

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 (NIV)

I'm a killer. Yes, you read that right. I'm laying it out there and admitting it. Although, it's probably not what you think ... I've been a friendship-killer for much of my life.

I've wondered if it is from my dysfunctional home life as a kid. We moved annually, which meant a different school every year until I was a teenager. For an extremely shy girl this was terrifying. Dread and cold sweats came the night before I had to face another new classroom, new stares, new whispers and new giggles.

The layers built up; I figured it didn't really matter if classmates liked me because I probably wouldn't be there long anyway. Occasionally I would open up just a bit. Then Mom would say, "Pack up," and along with the boxes, my heart would seal up too.

It just hurt too much to hope that friendships could ever last. I was certain they couldn't, so I killed them before they ever developed deep. End it now before I'm too invested, was my mindset.

Maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about. We can fool ourselves into thinking that we don't need to open up and risk the pain of rejection or the devastation of potential loss.

Girlfriend, let me tell you what I discovered. The apostle John paints a portrait of a warm, real Jesus. Through that portrait Jesus reached out to me. He came into my heart and at that moment the love of the Savior began changing my life. I now have a greater love. I have found the same living water that Jesus offered to the woman at the well in the gospel of John.

It's been a spring welling up to eternal life! And I've discovered that when you begin to live that effervescent life, it becomes contagious! The joy that bubbles up from the inside cannot be hidden. Others are drawn to you and wonder how you can have joy in all circumstances.

And then it happens. Friendships develop. The old me would shut down, walk away or sabotage a relationship. I just didn't think I had what it takes to keep a friendship alive and healthy. And I don't, but God does. The new me embraces friends!

Maybe you've struggled with friendships. God crossed our paths today on purpose. He is asking us to take a risk. Let your guard down and love, as He loved us.

Dear Lord, thank You for loving me and teaching me how to welcome friends into my life with a greater love. Open my mind to see beyond myself today and take the risk of relationships built on You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

A Life That Says Welcome, Simple Ways to Open Your Heart & Home to Others by Karen Ehman

I'll Bring the Chocolate: Satisfying a Woman's Craving for Friendship and Faith Karen Porter

Visit Luann’s blog and Encouragement Café!

When a Woman Meets Jesus: Finding the Love Every Woman Longs For by Dorothy Valcarcel

Application Steps:
Read John 4.

Ask God to open your heart to His greater love. Slip on your God goggles and look for hurting hearts around you today.

Reflections:
What relationship does God want to grow in my heart?

When will I take the risk?

How can I reach out to someone with greater love today?

Power Verses:
Matthew 19:19b "...love your neighbor as yourself." (NIV)

Luke 6:27 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you." (NIV)

© 2010 by Luann Prater. All rights reserved.

Biting My Tongue

Rachel Olsen

"If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 (NIV)
What a challenging verse Paul penned in Romans 12:18.

Several years ago someone close to me confided their plans to me. They told a few other people I know at the same time. None of us thought her plans were wise, yet no one said anything in response.

But me.

Feeling her plans weren't well thought out or grounded in God's Word, I feared she would wind up with regret and likely hurt other people in the process. I didn't want to see my friend make what I felt would be a big mistake. So I tried logically and lovingly to lay out for her the reasons I felt this way. She took offense and got angry with me. Honestly, I expected that. No one likes to have their plans blocked or their decisions questioned.

What I didn't expect was her to verbally to attack me, my character, my marriage and my role in ministry in response! But that's what she did, including some choice allegations and blatant lies.

I don't like to argue – at all – but that said, I'm pretty good at it when I'm mad. (I'm a communication instructor after all.) Once I reach boiling point, I can explode. And in the past I've let my emotions and my mouth run unchecked in situations like this.

I had a large load of ammunition I could fire back at her with, and more than half a mind to do so. But I also had the Spirit of God in my soul and the words of Paul memorized. So I chose to bite my tongue this time.

It was hard.

Feeling nudged by God, I resolved not to fire back or call her to task for what she had said. I resisted pointing out that my comments to her were an attempt to look out for everyone's well-being including hers. And resisted pointing out that her comments to me seemed hateful in return. Instead, I took all my anger, hurt feelings and lengthy "speeches" to Jesus.

I prayed while I waited for my hurting heart to catch up with my decision to overlook this offense. It took months for that process to complete in me. Hurt feelings often die hard.

As much as it was up to me, that's all I felt I could do.

It took a couple years for her to fully come back around, but she did. She also never went through with those plans. And the others in the group saw her attack for what it was: an unfounded tirade leveled in the heat of the moment.

Our relationship today is intact and she's even OK with me sharing our story. I firmly believe this is because I bit my tongue, and prayed with it rather than burning relational bridges. Though she questioned my character at the time, I let God be my advisor and my defense – and then let my actions speak for themselves. And I don't regret any part of that course of action, unlike those times in the past when I simply spewed.

One thing I've learned living on this planet is we sure have a hard time being at peace with one another. But when God's Spirit is given room to move in a woman's hurting heart, she can graciously handle conflict and overlook an offense. It's not easy, but it is worth it.

Hebrews 12:14 says, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord" (NIV). So today, as much as it is up to us, let's allow peace to reign and Christ to be seen.

Dear Lord, relationships can be so hard to navigate. Help me know when to hold my tongue and pray instead. Help me overlook the little offenses made in ignorance or the insults made in the heat of an argument. And help me to also know when I should stand up and speak up. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
If this devotion touched a chord in you, you’ll want to read chapter 4, “Keep a Heavenly Lawyer on Retainer,” of Rachel’s new book It's No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know

Visit Rachel’s blog and leave a prayer request if you need help biting your tongue or waiting on God to restore a relationship.

________________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you impact eternity. Your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you!________________________________________

Application Steps:
Train yourself to pause and pray as soon as you feel offended. Begin that habit today.

Reflections:
How do I typically respond when I feel offended?

Read all of Hebrews 12:1-15.

Power Verses:
Hebrews 12:14-15, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (NIV)

© 2010 by Rachel Olsen. All rights reserved.

The Good Side of Conflict

Lysa TerKeurst

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

When I was in my early twenties, there was nothing I disliked more than conflict. I won't use the tired cliché that I avoided it like the plague. But, since I just used it anyhow, I'll admit I tried to navigate around conflict at any cost.

I was a 'stuff it and smile' kind of girl. The problem with pretending to be fine when you're really not, is all that pent up steam will eventually come out. And if you've ever held your hand too close to steam, you know how it can burn.

A much healthier approach to the inevitable conflicts we all must deal with is to face the issue head on with grace and humility having asked ourselves one very crucial question. This question is so crucial that might I dare say not asking it could lead to extreme conflict escalation rather than relationship restoration.

So, what's this crucial question?

Am I trying to prove or improve? That's the question. In other words, is my desire in this conflict to prove that I am right or to improve the relationship at hand?

When I try to prove I am right, I use the circumstances of the conflict as an arsenal to attack the other person. I come armed with past hurts and offenses ready to state my case. I'm tempted to tear down the other person. I react from a place of hurt and anger and can often say things I later regret.

On the other hand, when my desire is to improve the relationship, I seek to understand where the other person is coming from and I care enough about the relationship to fight for it rather than against it. Instead of reacting out of anger, I pause and let the Holy Spirit interrupt my first impulses. I tackle the issues, not the person.

Here are some great questions to ask when we're dealing with conflict out of a desire to improve a relationship:

• Can you help me understand why you feel this way?
• Why don't we both agree to stick to the issue at hand and not pull in past issues?
• What is your desired outcome in this situation?
• How can we meet in the middle on this issue?

My husband I have renamed what we used to call "fights." We now call them "growth opportunities." And the more we've been practicing these principles, the less conflicts we've been having.

But I won't tie this devotion up in a neat bow and end all "cheerio." While Art and I are doing great right now and have had very few "growth opportunities" lately, conflicts with others seem to always be around the corner. So please hear my heart, I'm not saying all of this is easy. Just this week I've had to tackle some growth opportunities that made me feel like I had fire crackers burning through my veins.

Maybe you can relate.

What I will say is that it's possible to let those conflicts lead us to better places in our relationships. Improved places. And that is the good side of conflict.

Dear Lord, help me to realize that with each conflict I face I can make the choice to improve the relationship rather than try and prove I'm right. This is hard, Lord, really hard. But, I want to grow in this area and I know this is a good place to start. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

For another conflict resolution tip, visit Lysa’s blog today. Just for visiting, www.LysaTerKeurst.com you’ll get a free resource being offered today!

Lysa will be speaking in over 40 cities this year and would love to meet you! To check for a city near you, click here.

If you identify with this devotion, consider getting a copy of Lysa’s latest book, Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

The accompanying DVD teaching series contains 6 sessions lasting 15-20 minutes each for only $24.99! Perfect for your Bible Study group or a neighborhood book club. The Bible Study workbook can be found by clicking here.
________________________________________

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you! ________________________________________

Application Steps:
Take time to pause before jumping into any conflict resolution. Sometimes a simple pause is all that's needed to remember to attack the problem at hand and not the person. Keep in mind it's more important to improve the relationship than prove we are right.

Reflections:
How might it help your next conflict resolution attempt to use these questions?
• Can you help me understand why you feel this way?
• Why don't we both agree to stick to the issue at hand and not pull in past issues?
• What is your desired outcome in this situation?
• How can we meet in the middle on this issue?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

When Persistence Pays Off

Marybeth Whalen

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:35-36 (NIV)

I almost walked by her. As she looked over, our eyes met and recognition flashed between us. We crossed the room and hugged like the old friends we were. The usual conversation followed with a few minutes of catching up and then my tentative question: "Are you still going to church?"

My mind flashed back to years ago when we first met. I invited her to church and reached out to her about my faith but she wanted nothing to do with it. The look in her eyes told me that my efforts were hitting a brick wall she had carefully constructed around her heart. And yet, I still asked her to church, shared my own faith journey with her, and persisted in letting her know that God loved her.

This went on for years. Then one day she finally agreed to go with me. She visited with my family a few times, then told us that she was going to start attending another service that was better suited to her schedule. To be honest, I figured it was just a polite way to stop coming without telling me. You can imagine my trepidation as I asked if she was still going to church.

I couldn't believe it as she nodded in affirmation. A radiant smile filled her face. "Remember last week when the pastor asked people to raise their hands if they had prayed the prayer of salvation?"

I remembered the service clearly and smiled back as I nodded.

"Well," she said. "I was one of the ones who raised my hand!"

We hugged and laughed and promised to get together soon before parting to join the people we were with. I spent the rest of the night with a goofy grin on my face. I never thought I would stand across from her in a restaurant and hear that she had accepted Christ as her Savior! I had begun to believe that we would spend the rest of our lives with me pursuing and her running. I was glad I had persisted.

In my novel, The Mailbox, the main character Lindsey is a lot like my friend. She struggles with God and resists Him for years. Her best friend Holly is a Christian and continues to present God to her, giving her a Bible and praying for her, encouraging Lindsey to seek God when life delivers hard blows. Holly doesn't give up and even takes some rejection and ribbing from Lindsey through the years of their friendship. Holly has her eye on the prize and is undeterred by Lindsey's resistance. There might be someone in your life that God has given you a heart for—to reach out to, to invite to church, to pray for, to love, to be God with skin on. You look at their life and the deep need they have for Him and you simply can't turn away. You know you can offer the key to unlock the source of their fulfillment. This treasure is too important to give up on.

On my refrigerator hangs a magnet which says simply, "Never, never, never give up." This is true in sharing Christ with our friends and loved ones. Even when they turn away, we can persevere. I am glad I did.

Dear Lord, You know the person I am burdened for. You see their need for You. Help me to not give up in sharing You. Give me creative and non-threatening ways to make You real to them. And soften their hearts to receive what You are offering. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

The Mailbox by Marybeth Whalen

When a Woman Meets Jesus: Finding the Love Every Woman Longs For by Dorothy Valcarcel

Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper

Visit Marybeth’s blog

Application Steps:
If there is someone on your mind after reading this devotion, do not wait to reach out to them today. Continue to build a relationship with them and pray for them even if they seem resistant to hearing what you want to share about Jesus.

Reflections:
Is there someone you have given up on? If so, why? Do you need to begin reaching out to them or praying for them again?

Power Verses:
Hebrews 11:27, "By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's wrath because he saw him who was invisible." (NIV)

I Corinthians 3:6, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow." (NIV)

© 2010 by Marybeth Whalen. All rights reserved.

My Mother's Hands

T. Suzanne Eller

"Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT)

She held out the soft white blanket scalloped in pink ribbon. "I'm not sure I want to give it to her," my mom said. The stitches were a bit looser than my mother's past handiwork, but I could see love in every crocheted inch.

I held her hands in my own. Her once slender fingers were bent and swollen at the joints. I imagined her holding the crochet needles and weaving the yarn in and out for hours, days, until the blanket was complete. It is an heirloom for her first great-grandchild, one created with pain and love.

I think I take my mother's hands for granted. They have caressed my cheek. They have made me wear a coat (even when I protested that I was a mother of three grown children). They have dialed the cell phone she loves, and hates, so she could talk to "her Suzie." Her hands have penned cards that showed up in my mailbox saying "I love you."

There's an old 70s song that says, "Time keeps on slipping, slipping, into the future." There is truth in those lyrics. I see the passage of time in my mother's hands. I also see it as moments pass into hours and then into days in a whirl. Life is always busy, like this month when the white board on the refrigerator lists church events, speaking engagements, dentist visits, showers and weddings and graduations, as well as other details like pay the bills, mow the lawn, clean the house.

Recently I realized that my mother was moving further down on that list. A week passed. A month flew by. The phone calls came. "Hey, Suz, just calling to say I miss you."

One day I received an e-mail from a friend. Her mom was sick. For the next few weeks I prayed, reading every update. One night I read the e-mail from my beautiful friend that expressed her love for her ailing mom, and prayer for strength to say goodbye. Suddenly it hit me how little time I actually devoted to my mother. I held the e-mail and wept. The next day I made a date with my mom. She was like a girl; she laughed on the phone as we made plans.

I pray that I have many more opportunities to hang out with my mom, but more than that I pray that I don't take her for granted.

Life most likely won't slow down. But as I devote time to worthwhile endeavors, I don't want to forget that in the grand scheme of things, holding my mother's hands is one of the most priceless investments I'll ever make.

Dear Father, thank You for my loved ones. Life gets so hectic, and sometimes it's hard to slow down long enough to show them how much I care. Please help me to slow down and recognize what is of little value so that I can invest in people with immense value. In Your precious Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

The Woman I Am Becoming by T. Suzanne Eller

The Mom I Want to be: Rising above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

Visit Suzie’s blog where she will give away a copy of The Mom I Want to be: Rising above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future, co-written by Suzie and her mom.

The Overwhelmed Woman's Guide to Caring for Aging Parents by Julie-Allyson Ieron

Application Steps:
Love tokens:
1. Write. Leave a note in an unexpected place.

2. Give. Spend time with no strings attached (help work in the garden, go to lunch, sit and chat).

3. Touch. Especially if your loved one is older or widowed and they are not touched in positive ways any more. (Massage their hands. Hold their hand. Touch their face or hair.)

4. Affirm. Tell them one encouraging thing that you believe about them.

Reflections:
Is there someone you need to spent more time with?

"The most important thing that should totally absorb our lives down here is the practice of real love. Why? Because love lasts. Love will be the only thing that matters in eternity." ~Jill Brisco, author of Love that Lasts.

Power Verses:
John 15:12b, "Love each other in the same way I have loved you." (NLT)

Matthew 6:21, "Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." (NLT)

© 2010 by T. Suzanne Eller. All rights reserved.

The Blessings of Forgiveness

Marybeth Whalen

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." Matthew 6:14 (NIV)

I sat listening to my Bible study leader as she took us through our lesson in Genesis. I should have been paying attention but my thoughts kept drifting back to hurtful words and bad memories. It had been weeks since I had spoken to the person who had said those hurtful things, but the pain was still fresh.

I wanted to move on, but I didn't know how. I was caught and I could not get free. The hurt replayed in my mind over and over, a never ending film-loop of words and actions.

That day in Bible study we covered the story of Joseph. I will never forget as we got to the place where his brothers cowered in front of him after realizing who he was…and what they had done (Genesis 50:18). In that moment I will admit that in my humanness, I wanted Joseph to hurt them as much as he had been hurt. At the very least, I wanted him to turn them away as they deserved. Even though I knew the story, I still hoped for a different ending.

And yet, the ending went on just as it had before. Joseph offered his brothers—the brothers that had sold him as a slave—forgiveness. He reached out to them and restored them to a place they didn't deserve. He didn't do it because of them. He did it because of God. He knew what it meant to be forgiven, and he knew the power in extending forgiveness to someone else. I will never forget that moment when God spoke to my heart: "You need to forgive as Joseph forgave."

I will confess I didn't want to offer my forgiveness. God showed me that I was hanging onto my unforgiveness like a burlap security blanket. It was time to offer my forgiveness—not because the person had earned it or deserved it, but because God had asked me to forgive out of simple obedience to Him. Just as He had forgiven me. It was, He reminded me, the least I could do.

In my novel, The Mailbox, the main character Lindsey has several people she must forgive during the course of the story. She learns that there is freedom and peace that is released at the moment we forgive, which makes her eager to forgive even more. This happened to me as well. I heard once that unforgiveness is like eating poison while waiting for the other person to die. Better to walk in the freedom of simply doing what God has asked and let Him take care of the rest. God required me to sacrifice my pride in exchange for the blessing of peace in that relationship. It was definitely worth it and I would do it all over again.

Dear Lord, help me extend forgiveness to those who have hurt me, even when I don't feel that they deserve it. The truth is, I didn't deserve Your forgiveness. Thank You for forgiving me and please help me forgive others as freely as You do. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit She Reads for an exciting giveaway today – a copy of Marybeth’s new novel The Mailbox and an ocean-scented candle.

The Mailbox by Marybeth Whalen

The Friends We Keep: A Woman's Quest for the Soul of Friendship by Sarah Zacharias Davis

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

Receive more free encouragement with Forgiveness is Like Spinach

Application Steps:
Is there someone you need to forgive? Spend time journaling about what's holding you back, then pray and ask God's help in extending forgiveness to that person.

Reflections:
Why is unforgiveness like eating poison while waiting for the other person to die? Have you ever experienced this personally or seen it with someone else?

Power Verses:
Luke 11:4a, "Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us." (NIV)

Mark 11:25, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (NIV)

© 2010 by Marybeth Whalen. All rights reserved.

I Got My First Stone

Jennifer Rothschild, She Speaks Keynote Speaker 2009

"Oil and perfume make the heart glad; so a man's counsel is sweet to his friend." Proverbs 27:9 (NAS)

"I got my first stone."

That was my announcement at a luncheon a few months ago with some of my favorite women. Patty has a gathering of her older friends at her home to celebrate various occasions, and this time it was Billie's birthday.

I happened to be the youngest woman at the luncheon, and I love listening to and learning from these seasoned and sage ladies. We discussed spiritual things, home décor, and of course, their grandchildren.

Then came the moment for my big contribution to the conversation: "I got my first stone."

There was an awkward pause.

I couldn't figure out why they were so shy to respond. Maybe they're unfamiliar with stones, I thought, and how much better they are than traditional baking sheets. Or maybe they don't know how much better a pizza crust turns out on a stone.

But my thoughts were interrupted by a brave older woman as she asked, "Honey, what kind of stone, kidney or gall?" I began to giggle.

"I meant the kind you bake with!" They all chuckled, and reminded me that the kinds of stones that came to mind during their stage of life had little to do with baking. Yet these geriatric gals knew their stuff, and quickly began to tutor me on the proper use of stones.

"Don't use soap on it," one instructed.

Oh, and if it breaks in your oven, the sound is awful so don't be alarmed," another advised.

Since I left that luncheon, I have never used or thought of my stone in quite the same way. But here's what I have thought. "Thank You, Lord, for women who walk together, talk together, do life together, cry together, grow together and laugh together."

Do you have someone in your life who makes your soul blossom? Scripture reminds us that "oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel" (Proverbs 27:9).

Your faith will continue to grow as you fasten yourself to faithful friends who give good counsel. Whether they instruct you about baking stones or lead you to the "rock that is higher" (Psalm 61:2), they will enrich your life. And, if you don't feel you have that kind of friend, become one. Someone needs a charming gardener to bring joy to their life. You have a friend who sticks closer than a brother, lean on him, he will never leave or forsake you.

"Keep me safe, O God, I've run for dear life to you. I say to God, "Be my Lord!" Without you, nothing makes sense. And these God-chosen lives all around — what splendid friends they make!" (Psalm 16:1-3, The Message).

Dear Lord, help me to become the kind of friend to other that I long to have. May my friendship with Jesus make me secure and wise and equip me to receive and be the kind of friend who glorifies You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Join Jennifer along with Lysa TerKeurst to upcoming Fresh Grounded Faith women’s conferences – one in Washington and one in North Carolina.

Fresh Grounded Faith: Devotions to Awaken Your Spirit by Jennifer Rothschild

Self Talk, Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild

Application Steps:
Find a group of women to hang with who differ from you in age, race and marital status. The diversity will help you to grow in your faith and as a woman.

Think about the woman you really want to become. Hanging with the women who you want to be most like will help you become the woman you want to be!

It's easy to be too busy to invest in friendships. Do one thing today to encourage and connect with a friend and see how much richer your life becomes. What actions can I take in response to this message?

Reflections:
Do my friendships bring out my strengths or weaknesses?

Moses talked to God "like a friend." Do I? If not, how can I become God's friend?

To be like Christ, we must be full of "grace and truth." Is grace and truth a vital part of my friendships? If not, how can I change that?

Power Verses:
Psalm 119:63, "I am a companion of all those who fear You, And of those who keep Your precepts." (NAS)

Proverbs 27:6, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy." (NAS)

Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (NAS)

© 2010 by Jennifer Rothschild. All rights reserved.

Other Mothers

Karen Ehman

"I thank my God every time I remember you." Philippians 1:3 (NIV)

Syrupy, sentimental greeting cards carefully chosen the night before. A hand-made art project fashioned to be a practical, pretty potholder. Soft, pastel tissue-paper flowers twisted into a creative corsage, sure to be the envy of all the church ladies. A simple bottle of over-powering perfume purchased from the local dollar store. All delights designed to impress one very special lady.

Yep, Mother's Day is upon us again.

While many use this time to thank the mothers and grandmothers in their lives, each May I like to also remember my "other mothers." Women who touched my life, imparted their wisdom and shaped my character.

My Aunt Patty holds a treasured place in my childhood memories. Though our states sat side-by-side in the Mid-west, we had to travel an entire day down and around Lake Michigan in order to reach her home. As a result, we only saw each other about once a year. When we did, she never seemed to be in a hurry but always had plenty of time to talk or read to me. She would gently brush the rat's nest out of my waist-length blond hair when I'd been oh-so-lax in fending the snarly tangles off. She'd ask me to sing for her or perform the cheer I'd created for team tryouts. Though we still see each other no more than once a year, if I close my eyes, I can smell her sweet perfume; White Shoulders. Her very presence made this rough and tumble tomboy long to be just like her when I grew up; pretty, sweet and gentle.

I thank my God every time I remember my Aunt Patty.

Dee was my youth pastor's wife. Her cheerful smile made this awkward teenager feel completely confidant and right at home. Her house smelled of apple-cinnamon tea and her door, like her heart, was always open. Miss Dee's fridge never seemed to lack the needed ingredients for an impromptu teenage bash. In no time flat, she'd whip up a huge batch of taco salad, pull some cookies hot out of the oven and pour our favorite flavors of soda in glasses. Her family room transformed into a haven where we could ask questions, discover answers and just be ourselves. Being around Dee made me want to be a woman whose very life, like hers, says, "Welcome."

I thank my God every time I remember sweet Miss Dee.

Mrs. Esch lived across the street. Some in our neighborhood wrote me off, seeing only a latch-key kid from a broken home, desperate for attention. Not Mrs. Esch. She looked deeper. She purposefully discovered my interests, and learned all she could about them, even going so far as to join a softball team with me. She talked to me about what I wanted to do with my life some day. Most of all, she sensed in me an innate need to be introduced to the God who promises to be a Father to the fatherless. It was through this young mother of two that I became a follower of Christ. Soon after, she began to talk to me about "my calling," excitedly insisting she just knew God was going to use me in ministry one day. Thirty-one years later, she is now on my prayer team; the team that prays for me as I write and travel to speak.

I thank my God every time I remember my mentor Mrs. Esch.

Think about your life. Who were (or are) your "other mothers"? The ones whom you thank God for every time you remember them? And what about the younger women in your life right now? Perhaps God is calling you to be an "other mother" to a soul who needs a little guidance this side of heaven. You can give her a smile; a tender touch of grace, some taco salad, or a verbal "I believe in you!"

Women connecting with each other to encourage and dream and is a sweet aroma to Jesus.

Dollar-store perfume optional.

Dear Lord, I thank You for the other mothers you strategically placed in my path. Help me to be an encouragement, a loving shoulder and a voice of truth to other females in my life pointing them only to You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
For an opportunity to share a memory of your other mother and to enter to win a girlfriends basket-in-a-box giveaway, visit Karen’s blog

A Life that Says Welcome by Karen Ehman

Homespun Memories For The Heart by Karen Ehman

Application Steps:
Send a hand-written note to one of your "other mothers." If she is no longer alive, attempt to locate some of her family members. Let them know how greatly she influenced you and how you thank God every time you remember her.

Reflections:
Is there someone to whom you serve as an "other mother"? What is something tangible you can do for her to show God's love?

Power Verses:
John 19:26-27, "When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home." (NIV)

© 2010 by Karen Ehman. All rights reserved.

Approval Addiction

Shari Braendel

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:4 (NIV)

One day I got tired of hearing myself talk.

During a time when everything seemed to be going well, I found myself in a whirlwind where God revealed to me that my life was actually out of control. I knew I was walking the path He had laid out for me and it lined up with my passion for helping others. The problem was that I had become so good at it I didn't feel the need to call on God's help anymore.

What I did come to need, however, was others to tell me I was doing a good job. In fact, if someone didn't pat me on the back, I would tell them about my good deeds!

Everywhere I went people told me how skilled I was at doing this particular thing. I had become so adept at it that I figured there was no need to consult God anymore. I stopped praying much about it and would just "do." In the middle of my doing, however, I would make sure and ask others if I was doing it okay.

One day I was talking to someone and God allowed me to see myself, almost like I was listening as an outsider. I hated what I had become. Who was this person? Why was she talking so much? Who cared that she did this or that? Oh my goodness, what had become of me?!

I decided that day to stop talking about myself. I decided to quit depending on other people's thoughts about what I was doing, or how I was doing it. I decided that the only One I needed to impress was God. I knew that it wasn't going to happen without thought and planning. This desire for approval was not going to go away by itself.

First, I sat down and had a good cry. Then I consulted God and prayed. I made a decision to be quiet about myself for 30 days. Whenever I talked to someone, I would not mention "me" at all. I would not recount my accomplishments, my breakthroughs, or my shortcomings. Nothing. I decided to begin listening to others as if hearing them for the first time. If they asked about me, I would simply answer, "I'm doing great, thank you." That's it. No more information. I wanted to turn outward and begin to invest in other people's lives.

Well, 30 days turned into 60 days, and then into 90. I will tell you…I'm different now. My friends would probably agree, but I can honestly say I don't desire their approval anymore. It's funny how when we turn attention away from ourselves, we end up feeling more complete in the end. Because truly, the only thing that completes us is God.

Dear Lord, forgive me for seeking approval from anyone but You. Teach me to be silent so I can hear others and most importantly, hear You. Bring to my attention, in a way that only You can, times when I am becoming self-absorbed during conversations. Thank You for loving me enough to help me grow. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue and accompanying Workbook by Deborah Smith Pegues

6 Habits of Highly Effective Christians by Brian T. Anderson & Glynnis Whitwer

Visit Shari’s blog

Begin listening at home first! For more ideas check out Conversations Starters for the Dinner Table

Application Steps:
Spend some time in prayer and sit silently. What is God telling you?

If we practice sitting quietly and listening to our heavenly Father we are sure to become a better friend to those around us. Pray to become a great listener and decide to encourage others in what they are doing well instead of telling them about your good deeds or the good deeds of someone else you know.

Reflections:
When a friend tells me something that's happened to her, do I have to recount a situation that's happened to me or someone else I know? Why not let her tell her story and just listen?

Do I need to set aside some time to be silent and practice listening?

What would I observe if I stepped outside my conversations and looked in? Would I see an encourager or someone who talks a lot about herself or others?

Power Verses:
James 1:19, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." (NIV)

1 Samuel 2:3, "Do not keep talking so proudly or let your mouth speak such arrogance, for the LORD is a God who knows, and by him deeds are weighed." (NIV)

Jeremiah 9:24, "'But let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,' declares the LORD." (NIV)

© 2010 by Shari Braendel. All rights reserved.

Trusting In Princes

Marybeth Whalen

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes." Psalm 118:9 (NIV)

I had looked forward to this moment for days. I sat across the table from my friend and poured out my heart about a big decision I had to make. As I looked into her eyes, I just knew she would have the wisdom I needed. I waited expectantly for her advice.

Instead of an answer to my problems I got a mini sermon. One I needed to hear. My friend pointed out that I was looking to the answer and not the Source of all answers. I thought if I just made the right choice, I would solve all my own problems. "You need to take your focus off making the right decision and trust God," she said. "No matter what you decide to do, He will still take care of you and He will accomplish His purpose for you." (from Psalm 138:8)

I nodded soberly. My friend was right. I had gotten caught up in the outcome. I was placing my trust in princes—looking to people and circumstances for the answers—instead of accepting the truth that, no matter what decision I made, God was going to take care of me. I had made the decision so uber-important that it had eclipsed God's place in my life.

I had prayed to make the right decision. I had journaled pages to Him about it. But ultimately, I reasoned, since He hadn't written the solution in the skies for me, I had to make my own choice based on what I felt was right. I had forgotten that He would still be there working all things together for my good after I made the decision, just as He had before.

If you are facing a big or little decision in your life, seek Him above all. Don't let the outcome or the opinions of others become more important that the One who "opens His hands and satisfies the desires of every living thing" (Psalm 145:16).

No matter whether you make the right decision or the wrong one, He will still be there walking with you, loving you, and helping you. Pray about your decision. Read His word. Seek out godly counsel. And then make the best decision you can. Sometimes the biggest decision is to simply make one. Place your trust in Him and rest in the fact that He will meet you on the other side of whatever decision you make.

Dear Lord, thank You that because of Your grace I know You will always be there. Thank You for the promise in Romans 8:28 that You will work all things out for good. I pray that my life brings You glory and I trust You to work in all circumstances to make that happen. Help me to place my trust in You and not in princes. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

The Reason We Speak General Editor Marybeth Whalen

Visit Marybeth Whalen’s blog

For the Write Reason General Editor Marybeth Whalen

Application Steps:
Look up Psalm 57:2 and Psalm 100:3, and write them in your journal. Spend time reflecting on these verses and how they apply to your life today.

Reflections:
Are you trusting Him to work out His purposes for you today? Are you offering up whatever decisions you must make or steps you must take to Him and letting Him take care of the rest?
What "princes" in your life are throwing you off track?

Power Verses:
Psalm 146:3, "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save." (NIV)

Psalm 60:11, "Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless." (NIV)

© 2010 by Marybeth Whalen. All rights reserved.

Is Your Spouse Your Best Friend?

Melanie Chitwood

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NAS)

Although I can say today that my husband Scott is my best friend, that hasn't always been the case. When we first were married, I was so close to my twin sister that Scott felt excluded when the three of us were together. Gradually, however, we both learned to develop our friendship with one another.

We reached a big turning point when we left Atlanta, where I had been single and then newly married, and moved to Florida for Scott's new flying career. Living in a new city where we knew few other people, we learned to depend on each other for friendship in a way we hadn't learned before.

Scott now is the one I turn to first just to be my friend, not in the way a girlfriend is a friend, but in a way that only a husband can be. The support that this kind of friendship brings is reflected in Ecclesiastes 4:9: "Two are better than one."

What are some specific ways we can develop a close friendship with our spouse? First, we can take note of what's going on where we each spend a great deal of time, the workplace Has he talked about a stressful project? Has she said how energized she is by a new assignment? Follow up by asking for more details and remember to pray for these situations. This shows your thoughtfulness and support. If she's a full-time homemaker, acknowledge that you know her job never ends and that you appreciate her.

Secondly, a great way to forge bonds of friendship is to share an interest. What do you both like to do? You may need to think about what you did while you were dating. Our friends Tracey and Ron take short trips to the mountains. It's more Tracey's passion than Ron's, but he's learned to enjoy it too. My mom and dad are great cooks and have created some incredible meals together. Scott and I have watched countless basketball games together. If you don't already have a shared hobby or pastime, start trying out some activities. It's easy to let the day-in and day-out responsibilities of life to crowd out time for relaxation and laugher, so you'll have to make the choice to have fun together.

Finally, we need to ask ourselves if we're making friendship with our spouse a priority. Do we save our best energy for developing friendship with our spouse or are we too busy? Sometimes we have to say no to other pursuits so we can have time to protect and nurture the gift of friendship in marriage.

The seeds of friendship we plant today will continue to bloom later in our marriages. We've all seen older couples sitting at restaurant tables, eating their entire meal in complete silence. I don't want to look like those silent couples, and I'm sure you don't either. I want to grow old relishing my friendship with my husband, a friendship forged over years of sharing interests and making each other a priority.

Dear Lord, show me ways to nurture friendship with my spouse, so we can continue to enjoy each other through the passing years. Lord, today, I commit to making friendship with my spouse one of my top priorities. Where I need to give up some activities so I'll have time for friendship with my husband, give me eyes to see that. Thank you for the lifetime friendship you've given us in marriage. In Jesus name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

This devotion was adapted from What a Wife Needs from Her Husband. Order your copy today!

Visit Melanie’s blog – What Matters Most for more marriage encouragement.

Application Steps:
Plan to do something fun with your spouse. Do this within one week's time, and don't let anything interfere with these plans.

Reflections:
What do you want your marriage to look like ten years from now? What can you do today to reach your desired outcome?

Is there room in your life for friendship with your spouse? Is there anything you can take out of your life to allow space for your friendship with your spouse to grow?

Power Verses:
Genesis 2:18, "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; will make him a helper suitable for him.'" (NAS)

Ephesians 5:28, "So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself." (NAS)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Richer or Poorer?

Shari Braendel

"One man pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth." Proverbs 13:7 (NIV)

I watched Maria as she put her arm around her young son and drew him to her side. He responded by leaning in. They were a family of little means and just walking around her house would make even the most hardened heart cry. The shack had a roof made of sharp tin with tree branches mingled in between the layers. It certainly could not keep the elements out and as I peered up and saw light peeking in I wondered how they kept dry when it rained.

The floors were made of cement in some places, dirt in others. Bricks surrounded the little house and as Eric proudly showed me the bedroom that he shared with his mother and two brothers, I smiled. I was then led into the meager kitchen that was stocked with some old pans, a bag of potatoes, some carrots and a sink that refused to release water from its spout.

There was not a bathroom or laundry area except for the ragged line that hung outside with a few items of clothing on it. For all of this bareness, the children were genuinely joyful. As the boys hugged their mom, there was that sense of sweetness that happens between a child and his mother that no amount of money or material goods can replace. This family had each other and they had Jesus.

Ecuador is extremely impoverished in regards to material blessings. I've decided, however, that many in the U.S., though they have an abundance of possessions, are much poorer in other aspects. Families in Ecuador don't seem to know they are poor. Ironically, so many people living around me don't know they're poor either – spiritually in need.

I arrived home from Ecuador with a new vision of blessing. You see, the families I encountered in the homes I visited may not be blessed with material things but they consider it a privilege and gift to know Jesus. When people place highest value in Jesus, not possessions, they gain a life of hope. Hope without end. I can collect everything money can buy, but if I have no hope, I have nothing of value.

Dear God, thank You for the richness and fullness that I have in my life because You sent Your Son. Help me to keep my eyes on Jesus instead of wanting more things that will never fulfill me the way You do. I know that it is only through Christ that I can be truly wealthy. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

Sponsor a child from Ecuador thru Compassion International

Too Small to Ignore by Dr. Wess Stafford

Practicing Hospitality: The Joy of Serving Others by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock

Visit Shari’s blog to hear more about her trip to Ecuador

Application Steps:
Pray Romans 15:13 for the nations: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (NIV)

Are you feeling hopeless today? Proverbs 11:25 says "He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed" (NIV). Refresh someone today with the hope of Jesus—you will in turn be refreshed with His hope.

My visit with Maria and Eric in Ecuador was through the child sponsorship program of Compassion International. No matter who we are or where we are, we can bring Jesus' hope to the nations through the simple act of sponsoring a child. Compassion International makes certain each sponsored child hears about Jesus and is given the chance to accept true hope. Check out Compassion International today to learn more.

Reflections:
What in my home is excess?

Who can I give it to that needs it more than I?

Power Verses:
2 Corinthians 8:9, "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich." (NIV)

2 Corinthians 6:10, "Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." (NIV)

© 2010 by Shari Braendel. All rights reserved.

I'll Start Again on Monday

Lysa TerKeurst

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:37 (NIV)

New Year's Resolutions… some of us like them. Most of us loathe them. But the reality is, a lot of us make them.

And usually right up at the top of most resolutions lists is some version of the promise we'll eat better and exercise more. There is a honeymoon phase the first couple of days of starting a new healthy eating plan. But then you're invited to a party. Your friends are quick to say, "Oh come on, just one won't hurt. This is a special day."

That cheesecake does look good. The Mexican chips and dip are irresistible. It is a special night. I can start again on Monday.

It is so tempting to give in. Set things in reverse. Pretend it won't matter. But it does matter and not just for the physical or mental set back. It's the denial of a fundamental spiritual truth that will make our healthy eating plan fall apart time and time again. What is this truth? We were made for more than this. More than this failure, more than this cycle, more than being ruled by taste buds - we were made for victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth.

When I was a senior in high school I was invited to a college party. I had a friend who'd graduated the year before me and became my favorite person in the world the day she invited me to her sorority party. By the end of the night we were giggling over the attention given to us by two good looking college boys. As the party died down, they invited us over to their place.

Part of me was so flattered, I wanted to go. A much bigger part of me didn't. But plans got made and before I knew it we were getting into their car and driving away. I was not a strong Christian at this point in my life. Not even close. And I certainly can't say I'd ever heard God speak to me, but in the midst of this situation, I did.

"This isn't you, Lysa. You were made for more than this."

Truth. A gift of truth. Planted deep within me when God personally knit me together – untied and presented at just the right time.

I wound up making an excuse for a quick exit and walking back to my car alone that night. I mentally beat myself up for acting like a young, immature high schooler who couldn't handle being a college party girl. But looking back, I want to stand up on a chair and clap, clap, clap for my little high schooler self!

There were other seasons of my growing up years where I heard this truth loud and clear repeated within the confines of my soul but, sadly, I refused to listen. These were the darkest years of my life. I wasn't made to live a life that dishonors the Lord.

None of us are.

"You were made for more Lysa - you were made for more." I remembered it especially in those early weeks of my new healthy eating adventure when I was tempted by one million assaults on my sugar-deprived taste buds. I just kept mentally repeating ... made for more. Made for more!

And though my healthy eating quest pales in comparison to the importance of a high schooler trying to keep her purity - hunger is hunger. Temptation is temptation. Desire is desire. So, maybe they aren't so different after all.

We were made for more.

What a great truth to use while rewriting the "go to" script that plays in our head every time we're tempted. Rewriting the go-to scripts is one of the most crucial steps toward permanent progress. Remember the script that I mentioned earlier in this article? The excuses? The rationalizations? The "I'll do better on Monday" escape clauses?

We have to rewrite those by getting into the habit of saying other things. And the first of these is, "I was made for more."

Listen to these words from Proverbs 3:5-8, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."

Trust in the Lord-you were made for more. In all your ways acknowledge Him-you were made for more. Don't try to be wise and do your new diet in your own strength, hold tight to the Lord and flee from temptations-you were made for more. This will bring health and nourishment to you and help you find victory in this struggle-you were made for more!

Dear Lord, I was made for more than getting stuck in a vicious cycle of defeat. I trust You and want to acknowledge You in ALL my ways. Help me to remember I was made for more with each choice I make. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit Lysa’s blog for a list of other “Go To Scripts.”

Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa TerKeurst

P31 Woman magazine - this devotion was featured as an article in this month’s magazine. If you enjoyed this article, you might enjoy a one-year subscription to our monthly magazine.

Application Steps:
If food is an issue for you, visit Lysa’s blog for more "Go To Scripts" that will help you overcome tempting situations.

If food is not an issue for you, how does today's devotion apply to your area of struggle?

Reflections:
Who are some friends that can walk through this journey of learning to make healthier choices with me?

Is pursuing healthier eating a vain pursuit or could it have deep spiritual applications in my life as well?

Power Verses:
Psalm 78:18, "They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved." (NIV)

Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him…" (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Becoming Today

Amy Carroll

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 (NIV)

As my plane landed, I wondered if she'd be there. The retreat weekend simply wouldn't be the same without her. I would miss her encouraging looks as I spoke and the women of her church would certainly have hearts that ached with her absence. All year I had thought about the words that she had spoken the previous fall, and I needed to ask her more probing questions.

She had a secret that I longed to know. There were many women from the group who I wanted to ask about, but as the event coordinator and I waited at the luggage carousel, I started with my most important question, "Will Ruth Clark be coming?" My heart rejoiced as I heard the reply that was given with a smile, "Ruth has had a lot of health problems this year, but she'll be there!"

Entering the room at the retreat center, my eyes searched for Ruth among the small clusters of chatting women. I found her dear, smiling face quickly and headed to greet her. She opened her arms wide, hugged me and said, "I've been praying for you all year." After asking me to wait for a minute, Ruth opened her purse, took out a well-worn pink book full of small cards and began to leaf through it. Finally, she found the card for which she had been searching, and pulled it out. On it was a black-and-white photocopy of a picture of me with my name written underneath. She explained, "Each day I use this book to remember who to pray for. I put you in my book after the retreat last year, and I've prayed for you every day."

I looked at her face, creased with crows' feet and laugh lines, the product of many wide smiles and tender glances. I took in her white hair, the walker beside her and her comfortable shoes and had a single thought—"Beautiful!"

Ruth is the woman that I want to be when age has settled onto my features and slowed my steps. Her beauty is an internal light that has grown brighter with time and experience rather than being extinguished. Knowing Ruth has changed my life and set me on a journey. When we first met, I immediately knew she had something I wanted.

After listening to this delightful woman talk for a while, I asked her, "What is your secret? How have you continued to grow in the Lord, stay positive and exude joy?" She answered quickly and confidently, "Be today who you want to be tomorrow."

Profound!

So, how can you and I apply Ruth's advice in our lives while we're still younger women? We can ask to God to reveal our own sins and flaws, repent of them and ask for His mercy to start living differently today. He's given me a very personal and specific list of where to start! I can ask God's help to stop my tendency toward complaining about difficult circumstances and develop the habit of praising Him for molding my character through trials and tests. I can ask Him for the spiritual fruit of self-control so that I resist flying off the handle in a grumpy, hormone-fueled fit for no good reason. I can ask Him to stop my free-flowing river of words and help me listen to others compassionately before I speak. I could go on, but you're getting the picture. Are you starting to make a list of your own?

Although thinking about our own aging and watching loved ones age sometimes generates fear, we can face the future with tremendous hope and faith when we know that we can begin shaping our tomorrows today. I truly believe that becoming the woman today that we want to be tomorrow is the key to becoming the woman of grace, love and wisdom in our 70s and 80s that we so desire to be.

Dear Lord, I long to be a growing, godly older woman until my very last breath. Help me to begin today in developing the character and spiritual disciplines that I'll need to follow You victoriously throughout my life. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

The Woman I Am Becoming by T. Suzanne Eller

Find more encouragement from other “Ruths” with the P31 Woman magazine

Visit Amy’s blog-Ponderings from the Pathway

Application Steps:
Imagine yourself in your 80s. Make a list of words that you would like others to use when they describe the 80 year old you.

Reflections:
Which of my personal character traits could become ugly when magnified by age?

Have I limited God by an "I'll work on that later" attitude?

Power Verses:
Isaiah 46:4, "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." (NIV)

Psalm 71:18, "So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come." (ESV)

© 2010 by Amy Carroll. All rights reserved.

The Friendship Project

Whitney Capps

"But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, 'And who is my neighbor?' Luke:10:29 (NIV)

It was a room full of nearly strangers, barely friends-until that day. I asked the ladies to stand as I read from a list of life experiences. If they had lived through one of the descriptions they stood up. One by one, sobbing women rose to their feet as I read the list. They were family in name only - a family of believers from the same church gathered together for a women's retreat where I was the guest speaker.

Twelve women stood together when I asked if anyone had had a miscarriage. One woman had buried a spouse. Five came from unbelieving homes. One had lived through marital infidelity. Three had escaped relationships where they had faced verbal, physical or sexual abuse. Three ladies had struggled with depression. The list went on and on. By the time I had finished, every woman in the room was standing.

We were knee-deep in one another's junk, and yet I had never felt closer to a group of women. As we closed the session I asked them to share more about their stories at their individual tables. As I surveyed the room, women who had been strangers only minutes before were huddled around one another, embracing, sharing and weeping. God was knitting hearts together. It was a moment I'll never forget.

I am realizing that women of all walks of life crave friendships. And yet so many of us feel that we are lacking meaningful, authentic relationships. How is it that a church full of women with a common thread of faith are not friends? Worse yet, if we aren't friends, can we hope to offer authentic relationships to those who enter the doors of our churches every week?

I fear the answer is "no, we can't" unless we change and make a few necessary sacrifices.

Recently I've gleaned some life lessons from the story of the Good Samaritan. In Luke 10:30, Jesus paints a not-so-favorable picture of the religious and respectable. I wonder if He would have the same indictment of our churches today? The priest was seemingly too busy to befriend the one in need.

Can I be honest? I am regularly guilty of this sin. Before and after church my husband and I busy ourselves with the work of tending to our children, and doing the business of church. I move past people who are hurting, but I don't stop with my busyness to see their needs. I rarely get off my horse. I am the priest.

The Levite rode past the hurting man too. Perhaps he felt he was too clean to get dirty in the messy business of grace and mercy. Helping the man in need would have made the Levite ceremonially unclean. He wanted to preserve his position and place.

Let me do a little more truth-telling. I don't usually want to get knee-deep in other people's junk. If I don't get into messy relationships I avoid having to deal not only with my own junk, but other's as well. So I don't get off my horse. I am the Levite.

Here is the problem. Real relationships require time and transparency. If we want to move from being casual acquaintances to genuine friends you and I will have to share pain and joy in an authentic, sacrificial way. I believe this, but for right now it's just theory.

I'm curious. What would happen if we covenanted together to get off our high horses and got into one another's junk? I wonder if our churches would explode. I wonder if lives would be forever changed. I wonder if the Church would shed a little bit of its reputation of hypocrisy.

Want to see what would happen? It's not too late to add a New Year's resolution. Let's resolve to change lives through friendship. Let's slow down. Let's share our stories. Let's get knee-deep.

Dear Lord, give me eyes to see those in need around me, and give me the courage to respond. Father, I want to be a part of life-changing friendships by offering grace and mercy. You call us to love others as ourselves. Help me obey this all-consuming command. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
The Friends We Keep: A Woman's Quest for the Soul of Friendship by Sarah Zacharias Davis

Visit Whitney’s blog today

Traveling Together: Thoughts on Women, Friendship and the Journey of Faith by Karla Worley

Join Whitney’s Facebook group The Friendship Project for more details about this campaign

Application Steps:
How can you simplify your Sunday routine to allow more time for building relationships?

With whom can you share part of your story in hopes of offering encouragement and hope?

Reflections:
Do you have genuine, edifying friendships? Why or why not?

Are you reaching out and developing new friendships with those in need around you?

Power Verses:
Luke 10:27, "He answered: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind"; and, "Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (NIV)

Luke 10:33-34, 36-37, "But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds…and took care of him… 'Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?' The expert in the law replied, 'The one who had mercy on him.' Jesus told him, 'Go and do likewise.'" (NIV)

© 2010 by Whitney Capps. All rights reserved.