Unwrapping His Christmas Presence

Renee Swope

"The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and you will call Him Immanuel, God with us." Isaiah 7:14 (NIV)

Plans for the perfect Christmas danced across the stage of my mind. My mom, my brother and my husband’s parents were coming to see us. Plus my dad and his wife would be here Christmas day, and JJ's brother and family were coming too. Inviting our out-of-town families to our home for the holidays for the first time was a dream come true. The fact that they could all come at some point between Christmas and New Years was just short of a miracle.

I’m so embarrassed to admit this, but by the time everyone got here I couldn’t wait for them to leave.

In the midst of all the preparations, I’d gotten tangled up in Christmas lights and unrealistic expectations. It all started when my husband and sons petitioned for blinking colored lights on the tree. We don't do colored lights on the tree. I am a "white lights" kind of girl, I insisted. But then JJ suggested our decorating decisions should be a "family activity" that year. Who was this man and why had he not brought this up in pre-marriage counseling? I wondered.

The control freak in me started to freak out. Don't get in the way of my perfect Christmas with white lights that make me and my home feel peaceful.

Further attempts to have the perfect house, perfect menu and perfect table settings were stealing my holiday joy. This being my first time hosting a holiday dinner, I’d failed to notice that my Christmas place mats didn't coordinate with my everyday cloth napkins, and I didn't have festive napkin rings. Worst of all, I didn't know how to cook a turkey.

In the midst of all the holiday obligations I’d placed on myself, I experienced one of my worst Christmas days ever. I had a house full of people, but an oh-so-empty heart.

As I walked through my living room picking up wrapping paper, I wondered why my dreams of the "perfect Christmas" hadn't come true. Many of the elements seemed to be in place: kids running around with remote control cars, adults on the couch snoring to the tune of Jingle Bells, and grown men playing sidewalk hockey in the driveway. We'd lit Advent candles and set out the nativities. Still, something was missing.

Trying to escape the holiday noise, I went upstairs to my bedroom and sat down on the floor in my walk-in closet. Taking a deep breath, I opened my Bible to read the Christmas story in Luke chapter 2. Slowly, I let each word remind me of that first Christmas night and God’s promise that came true in Bethlehem. “She gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped Him in cloths and placed Him in a manger…" Luke 2:7 (NIV).

A cross reference led me to Isaiah 7:14: "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and you will call him Immanuel, God with us."

Closing my eyes, I pictured Mary wrapping baby Jesus. Her hands carefully folding each corner of cloth. Like a beautiful bow on the perfect Christmas gift, she placed a kiss on his forehead.

That’s when I realized what had been missing. In the hustle and bustle of creating the perfect Christmas, I’d forgotten to unwrap the perfect gift, the most important gift of all, the gift of Immanuel, God with us.

Bowing my head, I opened my hands and my heart, and unwrapped God’s presence in my closet that day. I invited Jesus to bring calm to my anxious heart. To bring His perspective to my expectations and to help me enjoy the gifts of my family that were waiting downstairs. Simply pausing to acknowledge and thank Jesus for being with me brought peace to my heart unlike anything white lights and matching table settings could ever bestow.

It ended up being the perfect Christmas after all!

Dear Lord, no matter how busy life gets or how lonely I feel this Christmas, I want to unwrap the gift of Your presence each day. Help me to see You, hear Your voice speak to my heart, and pay attention when You lead me with Your peace and perspective. I seek Your purpose in all of my plans. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Immanuel, God with us?

Unwrapping His Presence, a Christmas Message on DVD by Renee Swope

Living and Leaving a Legacy – Two Session Conference on DVD by Renee Swope

Visit Renee’s Blog to download a free Christmas prayer that is guaranteed to prepare your heart and home for the holidays! And enter to win her Christ-Centered Christmas give-away worth over $35!

Visit Renee’s Facebook Page where she will be sharing ideas to keep Christ in Christmas every day in December!

Shop With Us for Christmas!

When you buy Christmas gifts through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity! Your purchase supports the many areas of life-changing ministry we provide at no cost. Although we’d love to offer huge discounts, we simply can’t compete with online warehouses. So, we are extremely grateful when you shop with us. Thanks and Merry Christmas!

Application Steps:
Make a list of expectations and preparations that could steal your focus this Christmas. Place the list in a gift box and wrap it in a prayer, asking God to give you His perspective and peace for everything you listed. If you start getting anxious, remind yourself that each assignment and challenge is wrapped in God’s peace. Trust Jesus and thank Him that no matter what comes your way, He is with you!

Reflections:
What days might be most challenging this month? How can I plan time on those day to be with Jesus each morning, sitting with Him, soaking in His perspective and peace before my busy day starts.

Power Verses:
Isaiah 26:12, "Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us.” (NIV)

John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (NIV)

© 2010 by Renee Swope. All rights reserved.

Holiday Blues

T. Suzanne Eller

"There is joy for those who deal justly with others and always do what is right." Psalm 106:3 (NLT)

"I don't like the holidays," I whispered.

I used to love holidays. Before I was married. Before I felt the pull to be everywhere at the same time. Before any decisions that I made left someone upset or angry or feeling left out.

I struggled with a desire to be home, to start my own traditions with my young children and husband. We were the first to be married in both families, and thus the first to break "how it's always been."

Thanksgiving was a time to be thankful. All I felt was stretched thin. Christmas was a time to be joyous but I usually felt frustrated.

As we had children, I tried to mask my frustration with enthusiasm. We had fun setting out pumpkins. We decorated the house. But inside I wrestled because I knew what was coming.

Looking back, I wonder why I didn't say anything. Instead, I simply let it fester. I didn't take into account that if I kept silent things would never change. I just simmered in anger.

Deal with others, but do what is right.

Thirty years later, I treasure the holidays. It took time, but we finally learned to share our needs. "Trying to be everywhere in such a short time is exhausting," we said.

We began by trying to see other's point of view. An empty nest left gaps that traditions used to fill. We didn't approach in anger, but with a willingness to work through the conflict with honesty and grace.

Some were open. Others were not, especially in the beginning. If they were flexible, we rejoiced. If not, we didn't take it personally. Change takes time.

Perhaps the greatest gift that we received came later. When our children married, suddenly there were several families in the mix. We told our children that it's not the date on the calendar that makes holidays special. It's the heart behind the holidays. It's spending time with people you love.

So, sometimes we get together on Thanksgiving, or maybe the week after. Maybe it's Christmas only, while Thanksgiving is spent with other family members. If they aren't with us on a specific day, my husband and I fill that time with a new tradition--just the two of us.

What we discovered is that by letting go, they come more often because there's no pressure. They let us in on their traditions. Regardless of the date, when we do get together it's so fun! It's a gift.

Maybe you've been singing the holiday blues. What is one step that you can take to change your tune?

Dear Lord, thank You for my family. I'm grateful for so many things, and one of those is family who loves me enough to want to be with me. Help me to share my needs with my loved ones, and to do it with grace and gentleness. Help me not to take it personal as they struggle with change. If I am the one that is inflexible, help me to bend and grow. Help me to be thankful every day for all that I have been given. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

Visit Suzie’s blog where she is doing a “Holiday” give-away!

The Mom I want to be: Rising above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

25 Days, 26 Ways to Make this Your Best Christmas Ever by Ace Collins

Click here for great ideas of how you can include others who may be in the same boat as you!

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Shop With Us for Christmas!
Did you know when you purchase anything through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity? Your purchase supports the many areas of life-changing ministry we provide at no cost. Although we'd love to offer more discounts, we simply can't compete with online warehouses. We are extremely grateful when you shop with us. Thank you!

________________________________________

Application Steps:
Have you shared your needs? Articulate them on paper.

Share them at the right time, in the right attitude.

Don't take responses personally. Change takes time.

Exchange the holiday blues for a new song. Worship God as you thank Him for all the good things around you.

Reflections:
If I am the one struggling with change, am I willing to be flexible?

Instead of focusing on a specific date, I can focus on the heart of the holiday.

I'll write down all the things for which I am thankful to share with my children.

Power Verses:
Psalm 106:1-2, "Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord, for his is good! His faithful love endures forever. Who can list the glorious miracles of the Lord? Who can ever praise him enough?" (NLT)

© 2010 by T. Suzanne Eller. All rights reserved.

Friendly Not Feisty

Karen Ehman

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." I Peter 4:8-9 (NIV)

"Okay ladies," the guest speaker urged as she wrapped up her talk to my moms group that night, "Now go home and be friendly in your homes."

Ouch! Had she been in my home just a few hours earlier? "Friendly" was far from the way I had acted toward my brood. Unkind? Yes. Snippy? Certainly. Even caustic and cutting? Well, if I were honest, I'd have to declare a resounding yes.

Just what made this Jesus-professing mama behave in such an un-Christ-like manner earlier that evening? Had someone acted rudely toward me? Did my kids disrespect me or my husband utter something hurtful? Just what pushed my interior emotional buttons and sent me verbally over the edge?

Soiled socks. Smeared strawberry jam. Trailing bread crumbs. Dirty silverware and plates. And notebooks.

Oh, it wasn't just the presence of these items that sent ugly words soaring out of my mouth. It was the fact that, just moments earlier, I had spent vast time and great effort getting our great room spic-and-span clean. That meant a living area devoid of clutter, kitchen counters and tables wiped, all floors vacuumed and surfaces dusted. I wanted the house tidied up so my husband and kids could just relax while I was gone.

Then, in the short time it took to change from my daytime outfit of jeans and a t-shirt into something more suited for a night with the girls, spruce up my hair, add a dab of make-up and grab my purse, my kiddos had, in my eyes, completely undone all my hard work! They'd whipped off their socks, made a snack of toasted homemade bread slathered with strawberry jam and strewn their weekly scripture memory books from a program at church all over the place. It made my mama blood boil and resulted in feisty, not friendly words.

I was working on a book on hospitality at the time and had been unpacking today's key verse for my readers. I wanted to drive home the fact that hospitality—using our homes and lives as avenues of God's care for others—and love—the sacrificial placing of another human being above yourself—are closely connected. And, the most important element, we must both love and offer hospitality to others without grumbling. You know, be friendly!

Now, for the most part, aren't we able to do that when we have guests in our home? We smile and serve and really don't get upset at crumbs and such. We happily wipe them up. Why is this so? And on a grander scale, why do we find it much easier to be friendly to complete strangers than to our own flesh and blood? Do our tempers stay in check with the grocery store cashier or even the dentist (whom I hate to see twice each year, for crying out loud!)?

Why is it so easy to snap at our kids, give our husbands the cold shoulder, or roll our eyes at a dear family member, but remain gracious with those we meet in public, even when they do something that really grinds us?

I fear that many of us live out just such a contradiction in our daily lives. And just what lasting pictures are our cherished children depositing into their memory banks? "Mom held it together when the dry cleaners completely ruined her favorite sweater, but she yelled at me for accidentally spilling grape juice on the floor." Oh, sisters, this should not be!

Perhaps it is time to offer some friendly hospitality to the members of our own home; to keep our tempers in check and our grumbling at bay; to let perfect love wash over a multitude of sins. Not the jelly-smeared, crumb-laden kind, but the hideous-word-hurling, mama-mouthed variety.

Oh may we Jesus-lovin' women choose to hesitate before we hurl. Rather than feisty, may we be friendly instead.

Dear Lord, forgive me for the times I take out my temper on my family. I want instead to act like You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
For more on this topic and a chance to win a basket of family-friendly fun with a copy of her hospitality book A Life that Says Welcome, visit Karens blog

Sharing Grace- Family Traditions-Gift ideas (E-Book) by LeAnn Rice

She's Gonna Blow! Real Help for Dealing With Mom Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Reflections:
Do you know people who remain calm when they want to snap instead? What makes them choose the better reaction? If you can't figure it out, ask them!

Power Verses:
Romans 12:9-10, "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." (NIV)

© 2010 by Karen Ehman. All rights reserved.

The Gift of Listening

Renee Swope

"I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray." Psalm 17:6 (NLT)

I was reading in bed one night when I heard my husband calling our dog to come get her treat. He was actually luring Chelsea, our thirteen-year-old daschund, to her doggie bed. She was sound asleep in her favorite chair, and nothing was getting her to budge, not even the promise of a treat.

When my kids came to tell me goodnight, I asked if they thought Chelsea had selective hearing because she didn't want to go to bed or if she was going deaf. I had a feeling it was the latter. We reminisced and laughed about how Chelsea used to hear every little thing, from the ice maker in our kitchen to the wind blowing a leaf outside our front door.

My son Andrew, who was nine at the time, looked at me with a concerned look in his eyes and said, "Mom, I hope when you get old you don't go deaf like Chelsea."

I laughingly told him it might be good if I can't hear everything when I get as old as Chelsea. She gets a lot more sleep and she's not offended by the doggy jokes we make about her old age.

My light hearted response didn't wipe the concern off his brow, so I asked why he was afraid I won't be able to hear him. He answered without hesitation, "Well, sometimes you don't hear me now. Like when you're on the computer and I ask you a question. Sometimes you don't hear me."

Ouch! I had no idea my child thought I couldn't hear him. His answer almost plunged me into a bad-mommy moment with flashbacks from all the times I heard him but didn't listen because I was deeply distracted or listening to someone else via email or Facebook.

Instead of defining that moment with guilt, I pulled Andrew close and apologized for not listening sometimes. I didn't want him to fear old age might make it worse. So I explained how me being on the computer is similar to him watching a good movie or playing video games. He gets so involved that he doesn't hear things, like me calling him for dinner. He smiled because he could identify my "hearing loss."

Still, I didn't want that to be an excuse. So I told him, "Andrew, I'm going to try really hard to stop what I am doing when you come to me, look away from my computer and really listen to what you're saying. What you have to say matters to me."

Today's key verse reflects our own desire for God to hear us. It reminds me that in the same way I go to God because I want Him to listen and answer me, my child and others come to me because they want me to listen to them. When I stop what I am doing and listen, it tells them that they, and what they have to say, are important to me.

In our culture of constant contact through technology, it's easy for our attention to be divided and our focus to shift away from those who are in the room with us. Although we are physically present, often times we are mentally absent. At least I know I am. What about you?

That night God showed me the valuable gift we can give to our children, spouses, friends, co-workers and even strangers. It's the gift of listening. We give it each time we stop what we're doing and turn our full listening attention to them when we they talk to us. And, it's a gift God gives to us each time we talk to Him, too!

Lord, thank You for listening to me. Please help me be a better listener. It's easy to hear with one ear while the other is turned toward my computer, television or cell phone. I want to give the gift of listening because it communicates value to those who want me to hear them. Make me aware and willing to push past this habit so that I can be a listener like You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Living and Leaving a Legacy, 2 part message on DVD by Renee Swope

Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child, Character Chart & Message on CD by Renee Swope

Visit Renee’s Blog for more encouragement and practical steps to becoming a better listener, and enter to win a copy of her 2-part DVD teaching entitled Living and Leaving a Legacy!

God’s Purpose for Every Woman: A P31 Devotional By various P31 authors with editors Lysa TerKeurst & Rachel Olsen

Application Steps:
Ask God to show you throughout the day how you are doing when it comes to really listening to those you live and work with.

Make a list of people you will give the gift of listening to this week.

Visit Renee’s Blog for practical ways to become a better listener.

Reflections:
Take time to talk to God and enjoy the gift of knowing that He's listening with His full attention to you.

Power Verses:
Psalm 54:2, "Hear my prayer, O God; listen to the words of my mouth." (NIV)

Psalm 66:16, "Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me." (NIV)

Luke 2:46, "After three days they found him [Jesus] in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions." (NIV)

© 2010 by Renee Swope. All rights reserved.

Being Thankful Changes Everything

Lysa TerKeurst

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

I sat on the bed, tears streaming down my face, negative thoughts racing through my mind … Why does marriage have to be so hard sometimes? Why can't he see my side of things? Why won't he change? Maybe I married the wrong man.

This was a scene repeated over and over the first five years of my marriage. I was discouraged, overwhelmed and so tempted to give up. But here I am about to celebrate my 18th wedding anniversary so thankful I didn't walk away.

Ephesians 6:12 was a great reminder to me over the years that my husband isn't my enemy. Art may feel like my enemy but the truth is Satan is the real enemy who hates marriage and schemes against my husband and me. One thing we must always remember is Satan's goal to be one who casts something between two to cause a separation.

Satan wants to separate us in every way. He wants to separate us with conflict, hurt feelings, misunderstanding, and frustrations of all kinds. He wants to separate us from our neighbors, our friends, our co-workers, our parents, our spouses, our kids. He wants to separate us from God's best. He wants to separate us from God.

One of the best ways for Satan to start these separations is by luring us into a place of grumbling and complaining. If he can get us to focus only on what is aggravating and negative in life, then little cracks of distance start forming in our relationships. The grass starts looking greener everywhere else except where we are standing.

I can see this so clearly when I look back on the first five years of my marriage. Somehow, I became so hyper focused on all I felt was wrong with my husband, I became blinded to all that was good. I grumbled and complained and nagged and set out to change him. And I almost destroyed my marriage in the process. Satan had a field day as the separation between Art and I kept ever widening.

Then one day as I was in a fit of tears asking God to make things better, I felt challenged to start listing out things about Art for which I was thankful.

It was hard at first. I had bought Satan's whispers that there was only negative there with very little positive to find. But, with each positive quality I listed, it slowly changed everything. It was as if the clouds of negativity lifted and I could once again see his good qualities. There were so many good qualities; I was shocked how I'd gotten so blinded.

How sad I spent five years thinking the grass would be greener with someone else. Not true. The grass is always greener where you water and fertilize it. And being thankful --really intentionally listing out things for which we are thankful-- is a great way to start watering and fertilizing and changing everything.

Dear Lord, thank You for helping me see how beneficial it is to be aware and appreciative of the good qualities in those I love. Lord, help me to recognize Satan's schemes and combat them with the power of having a truly thankful heart. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What are you thankful for today? I am inviting each person who reads this to stop and take time to list just a few things for which you are thankful by hopping over to my website. Each person that leaves a comment on my website today will be entered for a chance to win a copy of my book “Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl.”

Be sure to check out Lysa’s book and Bible study Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl. This is the perfect 6 week summer study or one to consider doing with your women’s group this fall.

To order your copy of the book, click here. To order your Bible study workbook and DVD study click here and here.

Application Steps:
Every time a negative, separating thought comes into your mind today, intentionally combat it with something for which you are thankful about that person.

Reflections:
How does it make you feel to dwell on what you wish was different about another person?

Could this devotion showing up in your inbox today be a reminder from God that there are positive things for which you can be thankful?

How does having a thankful heart change things?

Power Verses:
Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (NIV)

2 Corinthians 4:15, "All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Fraidy Cat

T. Suzanne Eller

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

I stood on the edge of the cliff, the slender bar clenched in my hands. An old chant came to mind as I glanced past the rocky threshold to the thin strips of smoke wisping above two live volcanoes.

Fraidy cat. Fraidy cat.

I was in El Salvador working with children orphaned by previous civil wars. Kings Castle was their sanctuary, and after a hard days' work several children and a counselor had pulled me and others up the cliff with stunning views.

"Jump!" they shouted. The children pointed to the volcanic crater below, its depths inviting but very frightening. The children pointed to a circling boat below, trying to assure me. Then, one after another, children grabbed the bars and flung themselves away from the cliffs, letting go and plunging into the water below.

I looked over at my fellow team members. One shook her head vigorously. "Uh uh," she insisted.

I grabbed the bar, noting that my knees were quaking. I closed my eyes, pushed off and swung through the air, screaming when I let go and plunged downward. I hit the icy cold water with a splash. Several children above me shouted and clapped their approval. But I could barely hear them over my own whoops of delight.

I wasn't afraid of jumping that day nearly as much as I was afraid of the unknown. There were elements that were familiar, like water and diving, but when you toss in heights and volcanoes, it knocked me right out of my comfort zone.

Sometimes parenting teens is like that. When my three children moved from tweens to teens, suddenly things changed. There were familiar elements, but lots of scary new developments like driving, dating, and requests for freedom. I wanted to cling to the familiar. I'm the boss, so that's just the way it is. I don't care if everyone else has a later curfew, yours isn't changing.

One day I noticed that my oldest daughter, Leslie, had shut me out, and it hurt. She was 16 years old and I couldn't have been more proud of her. I treasured our relationship, and so was confused by her silence.

I finally found the root of her problem. It was me. I was parenting out of fear.

Fraidy cat. Fraidy cat.

I said no to her, not because of her character or the trust she had earned, but because I feared poor influences, or letting her go and her free-falling. I saw some of the teens that used to frequent our home making life-altering decisions, and it shook me. So I pulled her in closer, tighter. I refused to let go—even an inch.

Though I had worked with thousands of teens over 20 years, I made a huge mistake with my own. I forgot to parent Leslie based on who she was, and what I knew to be true, and allowed fear to dictate our relationship instead.

Worse, I made her feel that she was untrustworthy.

That day I stepped up the scary cliff of parenting a teen and took a second look around. I noted the familiar. Leslie had made good decisions. She was maturing, growing into a woman. She wasn't perfect, but she tried really hard to do the right thing, not for me, but because of her faith and her own convictions.

Sometimes parenting is scary. Sometimes letting go a little bit at a time feels uncomfortable, but it's also a key ingredient in shaping our teens into confident adults of character.

But what if they break the trust? Pull the reins back in. Allow them to take responsibility for their mistakes. Then allow them to earn the trust back.

Today Leslie is a 28-year-old married woman, an attorney, and soon-to-be-momma. I wish that I could say that I never faced fear again as a parent, but that simply wouldn't be true. But I learned to recognize fear for what it is—an ineffective response that distorts reality and clouds the decision making process. Stepping back and looking at the whole picture allowed me to say yes to the opportunities to grow—opportunities for me as a parent, and for my teen.

Dear Lord, help me to see my child clearly today. If I need to set boundaries, help me to set them with love and wisdom. If it is time to encourage my child to grow, to stretch, give me the courage to let go. Thank You for my child's destiny. Thank You that You have a plan for my teen's life. I trust in that today. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

The Mom I Want to be: Rising above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

Visit Suzie’s blog where she digs deeper into this topic. Enter a giveaway on the site for an autographed copy of Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know.

Raising a Spiritually Strong Daughter: Guiding Her toward a Faith That Lasts by Susie Shellenberger

More encouragement can be found at In God’s Hands

Application Steps:
Has your teen proved trustworthy in the past?

If the answer is yes, what are your fears?

Is there information that would calm those fears (where the teen will be, who they will be with)?

If the answer is no, when were they last untrustworthy and on what scale?

If it has been a long time, are you willing to release the reins a little, with the understanding that additional trust can be earned?

Reflections:
"There is always a moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in." -Graham Green.

Power Verses:
Psalm 27:1, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?" (NKJV)

1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (NKJV)

© 2010 by T. Suzanne Eller. All rights reserved.

Why You Should Hang Up Your Robe

Glynnis Whitwer

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me…" Acts 20:24 (NIV)

My first instinct was to leave the clean, folded clothes on top of the dresser. Granted, my arms were filled with freshly laundered items, so it would have been difficult to open the drawer while balancing the stack. I had an excuse for leaving them on top. Didn't I? Instead, I pushed past my instinct, took 30 more seconds, and placed the clothes neatly in the drawer.

This tendency to not complete a task happens with surprising regularity. I toss my bathrobe on the bed, drape jeans on the tub, and set the television remote on the nearest counter top. However, sometimes, when I'm a bit more self-aware, I take the few extra steps needed to actually finish the task.

Years ago, I realized my practice of stopping short of finishing what I started, led to a cluttered home and office. Back then, I had a multitude of unfinished tasks that I just lived with. It wasn't all simple things like putting away clothes, but included larger tasks like leaving a wall half painted.

Starting a project is fun, and usually involves a burst of energy. Then, that energy wanes as I approach the finish line. Instead of pushing to complete the task, assignment or project with excellence, I lean towards settling for good enough. Unfortunately, when I settle for "good enough" consistently, I learn to live with mediocrity. And accepting mediocrity is far from where God wants me to be. You see, finishing what we start is more than a good organizational or home management skill. It's also a spiritual discipline.

As I identified the tendency to settle, I realized it affected me in a variety of ways throughout my life. In the past I accepted a distant relationship with God rather than one of intimacy. I've limited my understanding of Scripture to a surface level. My relationships with others have gone no deeper than, "Hi, how are you doing?" Instead of pushing to explore the fullness of what God offers in all areas, it is easier to stop short. Perhaps it's safer. Simpler. And with less personal discomfort or inconvenience.

Interestingly, it's actually been somewhat simple to address this issue. I admit the tendency within myself to settle, and I get firm with myself about it. Now, when I would prefer to leave the dryer full of clothes, or emails half typed, I say to myself, "Finish what you start." I make a conscientious decision to finish the task at hand before I move on to something new. Obviously, there are some projects that require more effort, but this works on a lot of my issues.

I'm not sure of all the reasons for stopping short of finishing with excellence, but I do know the results. I end up with a bunch of unfulfilled commitments, open loops and shallow relationships. That's a far cry from the life Jesus came to bring, which is full and abundant. Not a partial life, but one lived with pushing to the limits and exploring the outer reaches.

Maybe that seems a deep principle to pull from putting clothes in a drawer or a dirty bowl in the dishwasher. However, the discipline of finishing well is one that is woven through my life … or it's not.

So I guess I'll take the extra step and actually hang up my robe. It's one more stitch in this tapestry of finishing well that God is trying to create in my life.

Dear Lord, thank You for demonstrating finishing well through the life of Jesus I know Jesus could have stopped short of paying the price for my salvation. But He didn't. For that I will be eternally grateful. Please help me push through mediocrity in my life and explore the fullness You long to bring. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
P31 Woman magazine

Visit Glynnis’ blog for a list of common unfinished tasks and suggestions for the many things women deal with.

6 Habits of Highly Effective Christians by Brian T. Anderson & Glynnis Whitwer

The 7 Hardest Things God Asks a Woman to Do by Kathie Reimer & Lisa Whittle

For practical tips on finishing a task, read Make Piles of Paper and Magazines Disappear

Reflections:
What are some reasons we avoid finishing certain tasks?

Does procrastination reflect a deeper spiritual issue? Write your thoughts.

Power Verses:
John 19:30, "When he had received the drink, Jesus said, 'It is finished.' With that he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." (NIV)

Genesis 2:2, "By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work." (NIV)

© 2010 by Glynnis Whitwer. All rights reserved.

Only One Thing

Zoe Elmore

"You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42 (NIV)

I had a college professor who told our health class to be sure we had eight hours of sleep, eight hours of work, and eight hours of leisure. It was her opinion that this formula would bring about a balanced life.

I can see you rolling your eyes and thinking, "Really?"

While I don't agree with my professor's formula I do agree that our lives must have balance and in order to achieve that balance we must return to putting our relationship with the Lord first.
Remember the story where Jesus told Martha, the sister of Mary and Lazarus that she needed to rethink her priorities? Martha was upset with Mary because she dropped what she was doing to sit at the feet of Jesus. Martha, however, continued with her hostess responsibilities until she had enough.

"But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!'" (Luke 10:40, NIV).

But Jesus told Martha that it was Mary who had put her relationship with the Lord first in her life. "'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her'" (Luke 10:41-42,NIV).

Martha was one smart lady and she learned her lesson well. After this encounter, when Jesus arrived to call Lazarus from the grave, it was Mary who stayed in the house and Martha who went out to greet Him.

I love that it was Martha to whom Jesus said: "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25-26, NIV).

Her reply confirms just how much Martha's priorities had changed: "'Yes, Lord,' she told him, 'I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world'" (John 11:27,NIV).

Setting priorities in today's fast-paced life can be challenging for sure. We try to squeeze as much as we can into the twenty four hours in each day. Yet when we've had enough and can't take any more, that's when we find ourselves crying out to the Lord for help. If you're anything like me you will hear His sweet words whispering to your heart, "Only one thing is needed."

The simple truth is when we put God first in our lives; everything else will fall into place. Our responsibilities will continue and the demands of life will go on but God will be there to help us bring order out of chaos. "In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:6,NIV).

Dear Lord, I confess that my life is pulled in too many directions. When I am anxious about doing things I have trouble hearing Your Word. Help me to treasure the "one thing" that I need and trust You to put the rest in order. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

Visit Zoe’s blog for more encouragement

All I Need is Jesus & a Good Pair of Jeans by Susanna Foth Aughtmon

Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper

Find a bit more balance with our free resource, Good Thing or God Thing?

Application Steps:
Prioritize all the commitments and responsibilities you have.

Ask God to reorganize your list and follow His leading.

Reflections:
What is your number one priority today?

Power Verses:
Matthew 6:24, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." (NIV)

Matthew 6:33, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (NIV)

© 2010 by Zoe Elmore. All rights reserved.

The Dailyness

Ariel Allison Lawhon, She Reads Co-Director

"Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway." Proverbs 8:34 (NIV)

Life wouldn't be so hard if it wasn't so daily. As I sit here surrounded by laundry and dishes piled high in the sink, I see more than ever how life wears us down one day at a time.

Crumbs litter the floor and dirty smudges cover the windows. And I have yet to discover where that smell is coming from. For this mother of four, a simple trip to the grocery store requires an act of God and Congress – attempted only when we are down to powdered milk and Ramen noodles. Not thirty minutes ago a little one-year-old boy clung to my legs, belting out that scream - you know the one, bats can hear it. And I felt my coping skills slipping away. Not because he was crying but because he cries every day.

The daily-ness.

The job of motherhood feels so vast, and frightening, and unending. I am called to raise these children in the fear and admonition of the Lord and yet there are days that I can't seem to get out of my pajamas much less lead them in a time of prayer. I think anyone could endure the temper tantrums of a small child or the rebellion of a teenager or the constant needs of another if they lasted just one day. But the truth is that these things are the stuff of daily life. And when I am honest with myself, they grind down the rough edges of this woman. Because parenting can not be all about me when diapers must be changed, noses wiped and beds made.

In those moments I force myself to take a deep breath and thank God for this season of life. These children. The privilege of wiping noses and bottoms and countertops. A privilege many women would love to have, but don't. I remind myself that the days are long but the years are short. And one day I will look in the rear-view mirror and see empty seats. The cup that is overflowing right now will slowly drain. The stretch marks will fade. And I will find that a new set of daily struggles has overtaken me. When that day comes I will find the strength to face them as well because God gives the grace, daily.

The daily-ness.

As C.S. Lewis once said, "The thing is to rely on God… Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done."

Your daily-ness is probably different than mine, but it is nonetheless God-ordained. It is exactly what we need to live dependent on His grace instead of our own strength. The One who knows us best, who knit us together in our mother's womb, has allotted these days that are equal parts trial and triumph. And He knows that we will see Him most clearly from a place of dependence.

So today I embrace the normal things. The daily things. Another round of laundry. The ring in my toilet. The dust on my dresser so thick a child could write his name. But even more than that I want to celebrate the important things. A child slowly learning to read. A husband that finds his comfort in my arms. A baby who learns to walk and talk. Because all these are the things of life: some mundane and some holy. And all of them must be received daily.

Dear Lord, sometimes daily life is just hard. And we're tired. And overwhelmed. But You promised to be our strength and our hope and our comfort. So today we look to You for what we need. Would You meet us in this, our daily-ness, and help us receive Your grace? In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Click here to visit the She Reads blog where we’ve got a special Mother’s Day book giveaway including Her Mother’s Hope by Francine Rivers, So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore, and Crossing Oceans by Gina Holmes!

P31 Resources for all stages of the daily-ness of kids:
Rattled: Surviving Your Baby's First Year without Losing Your Cool by Trish Berg

Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose by Rebecca Ingram Powell

Parenting Your Teen and Loving It: Being the Mom Your Kids Need by Susie Davis
Blue Like Play Dough: The Shape of Motherhood in the Grip of God by Tricia Goyer

Application Steps:
Pray that God will help you embrace your daily-ness, whether it be young children, a physical ailment, or financial difficulties.

Make an effort to honor God with an attitude of trust during this season of life.

Reflections:
How can trusting God with my daily struggles point others to Him?

How would my life be different if I started each day thanking God for this season and the struggles it contains?

Power Verses:
Matthew 6:11, "Give us today our daily bread." (NIV)

Luke 9:23, "Then He said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'" (NIV)

Titus 3:14, "Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessitates and not live unproductive lives." (NIV)

© 2010 by Ariel Allison Lawhon. All rights reserved.

Words of Life or Death

Melanie Chitwood

"The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

I often hear my husband Scott say something to my sons that brings a smile to my face. "Have you told your mom you love her today? Don't ever forget you have the best mom in the world." When I hear him praise me to our sons, I feel encouraged and appreciated. From my husband's example, I've learned to be careful about the words I say not only to my husband but also about my husband.

Today's key verse tells us our words can bring "death or life." In our marriages, this means our words can either tear down our spouses or build them up. I've been noticing lately whether I'm more likely to say words such as, "I'm married to the greatest man," or words like, "I told you so," or "You don't even try to understand me."

What about you and your words to your husband? When you speak to your husband, do you fill him up with praise, or make him feel like he's not measuring up?

Let's also consider the words we say about our husbands to others. What kind of things do you say about your husband to your children? Your best friend? Your sister or mother?

I tend to be a "venter" when I am angry or frustrated with my husband. Sometimes I turn to others because I'm seeking validation for my angry feelings. Often I vent when I haven't taken the time first to deal with the situation with God. I'm learning that if I go to the Lord first in prayer, pouring out my heart to Him, He changes my heart and brings me to a place of repentance and calmness. Then I'm able to let go of my anger and move on, or talk to my husband about it in a loving manner.

Scripture gives plenty of evidence that God's words have the power of life. In Genesis we're told God created every inch of the world with His spoken words. John 1:1 tells us that Jesus is the Word. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus heals countless people with the power of His words. In a similar manner, our words have accomplishing power. God wants our words to bring life to our marriages. We can choose what we will sow—words of life or words of death—and we will reap the consequences many times over.

Use today's application steps to fill up your husband with words of life.

Dear Lord, let my words to my spouse and about my spouse draw us closer to one another. Teach me to communicate in ways that build my husband up instead of tearing him down. If pride, stubbornness, selfishness, or any other sin is preventing me from speaking words of life in our marriage, Lord, I confess that right now. Make me aware of any words of death I've spoken in our marriage. And as the Holy Spirit brings those to my mind, help me confess and turn from them, especially any words of divorce. Break any curse on our marriage from hurtful, angry, or destructive words. Guided by Your wisdom and love, may our words to and about one another build a protective wall around our marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Today’s devotion is adapted from What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue and accompanying Workbook by Deborah Smith Pegues

For more marriage encouragement visit Melanie’s blog – What Matters Most

Melanie offers more words of wisdom in her P31 Woman article Protecting the Oneness in Marriage

Application Steps:
Considering the list below, which words do you speak most frequently to your husband, "words of life" or "words of death"? Plan on blessing your husband with at least one phrase from the "words of life" suggestions.

Words of Life
I appreciate how hard you work.
You are an incredible husband.
You have great insight.
I'm really looking forward to going out with you.
I'm sorry.
I was wrong.
Will you forgive me?
Thank you.
I understand.

Words of Death
You never listen to me.
You just don't get it.
I told you so.
You should have…
I wish you could just try to understand me for once.
How could you think that?
Why did I ever marry you?
That was dumb.
We'd be better off divorced.

Reflections:
What situations tend to cause you to speak "words of death" to your husband?

Are there certain words you need to make off-limits in your marriage?

In what other relationships do you need to practice speaking "words of life"?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 4:29, "Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift." (MSG)

Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." (NLT)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

I Want to Leave a Legacy

Melanie Chitwood

"I will sing of the lovingkindness of the Lord forever; to all generations I will make known your faithfulness with my mouth." Psalm 89:1 (NAS)

What do your children think of when they think of you? Their answers would be very revealing, wouldn't they? One day in early elementary school, Zachary came home with a Mother's Day picture he'd created for me. In the middle was a lovely portrait of me, wearing a dress made in my favorite colors of pink and purple. Then around the picture his teacher had told him to write four different words to describe his mom. He wrote: reading, napping, chocolate chip cookies, and laughing. His words made me smile with their accuracy.

Every day we are leaving our fingerprints on our kids. What do we want our children to think of when they think of their parents? A mom who was gentle and firm in her discipline or a mom who flew off the handle easily? A mom who seemed permanently attached to her phone or a mom who was available for life's big and small moments? A mom who occasionally went to church or a mom whose love of God was a part of her everyday life?

A legacy can be defined as "something handed down." Every day through our words and actions we are developing a legacy to be carried in the character of our children. It's easy for the busyness of life to keep you from being purposeful in your parenting. Let's decide today to leave the legacy we really want. Let's make sure it's a legacy not born of busyness and urgency, but one born of purposefulness and prayer.

It always helps me to remember that God is a parent too. So who better to turn to for parenting advice? It also helps me to know that God loves my children even more than I do, and He will fill in the gaps for me and Scott as we seek Him first. No matter what kind of parent you've been, today you can decide to add to and improve the legacy you are leaving. These are the only days we have with our children. We don't get them back. Let's begin today to be the parents we really want to be.

Dear Lord, thank You so much for each of my children. I need Your help every day to be the parent You want me to be. Lord, I'm human and I know that as a parent, I've made mistakes and will in the future. Lord, redeem the past and strengthen me for the future. Lord, thank You that You will give me Your love, wisdom, strength, direction, and patience to be the best parent for my children. Help me to leave a legacy that brings You glory and one that will enable my children to know how much You love them. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
This devotion was adapted from What A Wife Needs From Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose by Rebecca Ingram Powell

Check out Melanie’s blog – What Matters Most for information about her upcoming marriage conference call, "Building a Marriage that Will Last a LIfetime." She'll be giving away a free conference call!

For more encouragement, read A Legend of Faith

Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Character Chart and Message on CD, by Renee Swope

Application Steps:
Your children will learn to pray as they hear you pray. Pray with them on the way to school, throughout the day to thank God or to ask for His help, and tuck them in each night with your prayers. And don't stop praying with them when they're teens. Even though your teens may be pulling away from you, they still need to know you're covering them with prayer.

Choose a verse for the whole family to memorize each week. Display it in the kitchen or some other visible place.

Reflections:
Think about your everyday actions. Which of your actions point your children's hearts to the Lord?

Think about your attitude in frustrating or stressful situations. Are you modeling Christ's attitude in these situations?

What is one action step you can take this week to leave a legacy of faith for your children?

Power Verses:
Deuteronomy 6:5-9, "Love GOD, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got! Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates. (Message)

Proverbs 22:6, "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." (NLT)

Psalm 79:13, "So we Your people, the sheep of Your pasture, will give thanks to You forever; to all generations we will tell of Your praise." (NAS)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Becoming a Woman of Dignity

Glynnis Whitwer

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25 (NIV)

How could I have done it? How could I have gotten into an argument with my pre-teen daughter that reduced me to the level of: "Did not!" "Did too!" It was that bad.

I walked away knowing I needed a time out. Wasn't I supposed to be the grown up? Wasn't I supposed to be the mature, godly, Proverbs 31 woman? At that moment, I was anything but.
Frustration at the interaction with my daughter rushed through my veins like adrenalin after a near accident. I tried shaking it off, but the emotions stuck with me.

As I replayed the conversation in my mind, I thought of all the mature things I should have done and said. I saw myself as I wished I'd been – calm, gentle and dignified. And I wondered how I had drifted so far from the woman I wanted to be.

Dignified. The very word speaks to something in my spirit. I imagine a self-controlled woman making deliberate choices about what she says and does based on her priorities. I imagine a woman whose personality is not changed by circumstances, but exhibits grace under all kinds of challenges.

What is dignity anyway? We find it mentioned in Proverbs 31:25 as something to be desired, "She is clothed with strength and dignity." My dictionary defines it as "the quality or state of being worthy, honored or esteemed." Based on that definition and the entire chapter of Proverbs 31, I believe a woman clothed in dignity is one who knows who she is in Christ, and chooses to act in ways consistent with her high calling as a child of God.

Sadly, I have at times allowed the actions and words of another to impact my choice to maintain my dignity. In moments of frustration, I have set aside that dignity and allowed emotions to rule.

In the frustration of having a schoolyard argument with my daughter, I forgot I was a woman chosen by God and given the strength to deal with daily challenges. God invited me to clothe myself in His power, and I had rejected His offer of help.

I had a lot of apologizing to do: first to my daughter, then to God. I'm thankful both forgave me, and offered me an opportunity to try again to model dignity. It made a difference. The next time I felt emotions threaten to overtake me, I took a deep breath and thought, "I am a woman of dignity." Then I prayed for God to step in and clothe me with His power to be that woman.

Dear Lord, thank You for choosing me to be a woman of dignity. I know You see my potential, but the truth is I struggle daily to be that woman. Please help me to sacrifice my selfish nature and replace it with Your gracious spirit. I know I need Your help. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Becoming a woman of dignity starts with inviting Jesus to rule in your heart. If you long for help with your emotions, and haven’t invited Jesus into your heart, please visit
Do You Know Him?

Parenting Your Teen and Loving It: Being the Mom Your Kids Need by Susie Davis

Visit Glynnis’s blog for more tips on keeping your cool under pressure

The Character of God by Brian T. Anderson and Glynnis Whitwer

Application Steps:
List two or three behaviors that define a woman of dignity. Commit to depend on God's grace to practice those behaviors in the coming week.

Reflections:
It's easy to blame others for our lack of dignity. How does blaming others hinder our personal growth?

What are some things you can do to prepare yourself to act with dignity in the face of a challenge?

Power Verses:
Titus 2:11-12, "God's saving grace has appeared to all people. It teaches us to say no to godless ways and sinful longings. We must control ourselves. We must do what is right. We must lead godly lives in today's world." (NIRV)

Colossians 3:12, "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." (NIV)

© 2010 by Glynnis Whitwer. All rights reserved.

Help Us Moms, Lord!

Lysa TerKeurst

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5 (NIV)

I wanted to tap the two girls sitting on the front row at our church service. And fuss at them in a not so gentle way I tell you. But they were five rows ahead of me and my arm couldn't quite reach.

Since I couldn't physically get their attention, I prepared my "look." You know the one that says a thousand corrective statements with just a cross expression and a raised eyebrow? Yes, that one.

The minute one of them stole a glance in my direction, they were going to know exactly how I felt about their wiggling and obvious lack of attention during the service. Oh, and I should mention, these two girls belonged to me. Well, at least one of them did. The other was my daughter's friend who sometimes goes to church with us.

I don't think anyone else really noticed them. They weren't being disruptive to other people. But they weren't acting the way I wanted them to. I wanted them sitting up straight, drinking in the message, and taking notes.

Suddenly, an annoying little thought started to tug at the corners of my mind. "You want your children to act perfectly because it makes you look good. Let that go. They don't need to be sitting up straight furiously taking notes to hear God's message. This is a beautiful time for grace."

Ouch.

I don't much like the Holy Spirit speaking the kind of truth to me that hurts. I was in the mood to fuss at somebody. Two somebodies. Give grace? Now? It wasn't what I wanted but it's exactly what I needed to do in that moment. Soon my daughter's friend peered back to look at me. Despite my feelings, I made the choice to smile, wink, and give her a little wave.

Then this wiggly, usually not very affectionate, middle schooler got out of her seat. She walked down the aisle, five rows back, and made her way to me. She threw her arms around me and gave me a hug that preached a thousand sermons right then and there.

Indeed, grace was exactly what was needed in that moment. The rest of the service she sat attentive beside me and even asked a few questions on the way home.

And that's what makes this parenting thing so hard. There are really no textbook answers. It's such a moment by moment balancing act between loving, shepherding, disciplining, extending grace, molding, modeling, loving some more and fussing a little along the way too.

The only way I can navigate this balancing act is to stay close to God. Really close. Rather than seeing God as far off, I have to rely on him as a desperate daughter who needs her Daddy.

Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I like that verse but without quoting it in context, it's stripped of its power. The last 4 words of Philippians 4:5 are the power source that unlocks the peace of God that transcends all understanding.

Those four words are, "The Lord is near."

And because He's near, we don't have to be anxious- we can ask our Lord what to do, how to react, when to discipline and when to give grace. James 1:5 reminds me, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." Only God can prepare me with the wisdom and discernment necessary for each and every parenting moment. So I must stay close to Him- ask Him- rely on Him- cry out to Him- and make Him the basis for my parenting.

My goal should never be to raise kids that make me look good. (But, oh, how my flesh craves this!) My goal should be to ask God moment by moment for wisdom to know how to raise kids who proclaim God's goodness in their hearts.

Blessings to you as you ever so delicately search for that balance between discipline and grace as well.

Dear Lord, I am asking for wisdom today to know how to best raise my kids. Help me to know when to discipline and when to give grace. Help me sense Your nearness so I don't feel so alone and overwhelmed with this task of being a mom. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit Lysa’s blog for a chance to win a mom’s encouragement package for you and a friend!

This devotion was taken from Lysa’s new book: Am I Messing Up My Kids? If you’ve ever wanted to stop yelling and start loving being a mom, get this book here today!

Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa TerKeurst

Application Steps:
Only God can prepare us with the wisdom and discernment necessary for each and every parenting moment. Pray for wisdom and revelation today as you lead your children. The more you ask for the spirit of wisdom and revelation, the more your actions will be redirected, moment by moment. The more your actions are redirected, the more you will become like Jesus. The more you become like Jesus, the more deeply you will come to understand His ways and know Him personally.

Read Psalm 103:8-13 and journal your thoughts.

Reflections:
Who am I most likely to ask when I need parenting help?

What might be the benefit of turning to God first?

How can I become a wiser mom according to James 1:5?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 19:11, "A man's wisdom gives him patience…" (NIV)

Proverbs 24:3, "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established." (NIV)

Ephesians 1:17, "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better." (NIV)

© 2010 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Love, Respect and Admiration

Tracie Miles

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

When I married my wonderful husband twenty years ago, I fully intended to unconditionally love, respect and admire him. I had great intentions of being the perfect wife, with sweet words, a romantic kiss and dinner on the table every evening. But then careers took off, bills increased, children were born, laundry piles grew, and life got chaotic. Along the way I subconsciously created a measuring stick of expectations for whether my husband actually deserved my love and respect.

When marriage doesn't meet the unrealistic expectations we imagine before the wedding, and real life kicks in, women can inadvertently get lured into tearing down their husbands, and their marriages as well.

In fact, the longer couples are together, the easier it becomes to not only see each other's flaws, but to mercilessly criticize them. This eventually leads to low tolerances, short tempers, minimal patience, and a woeful lack of marital bliss. As a result, those gifts of unconditional love, respect and admiration that were once offered so freely become gifts that we are not so willing to offer at all.

A few months ago I picked up The Man Whisperer, written by my friend and author Rick Johnson. The title intrigued me, as I was anxious to rekindle some passion in my own marriage Little did I know that God would use the truths shared in this book to step on my toes and cause me to take an inward look.

Many relationship topics are covered, but as I read, God convicted my heart about things I had said to my husband just days earlier. As I recalled some of the critical comments that had rolled off my tongue so easily, I became overwhelmed with regret and disappointment. I had fallen into a bad habit of tearing down my man with my words, not fully realizing the toll it was taking on him. Most importantly, I began to realize the powerful influence I have on my husband and marriage by simply choosing words that encourage, instead of discourage.

As women, we have the power to build up or tear down our husbands every day, merely by the respect we give and the amount of faith we let him know we have in him. Respect and admiration are two of the most powerful tools a woman has to influence her husband. I realized I had fallen short lately in giving those two precious gifts to my man.

I prayed, asking God to help me control my tongue and fill my heart and mouth with words that would make my husband feel appreciated, admired, respected and loved, regardless of whether I felt he deserved it. I prayed that God would convict my heart when critical thoughts crept into my mind, and help me avoid the temptation to say them out loud.

Within just a few weeks, I saw a change - in me, in my husband's demeanor, and in our relationship: a change that rekindled that unconditional love, respect and admiration that I set out to give him all along, and that I also wanted in return.

Through a wife's gifts of unconditional love, respect, and admiration, we can help our husbands become the great men that God created them to be, and in turn, create the marriages we always dreamed of.

Dear Lord, help me to tame my tongue and focus on building up my man. Help me break free of the habit to criticize, even when warranted. Open my eyes to the positive, not the negative. Draw us closer, and help us both nurture a strong and loving marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit Tracie’s blog for more about this topic and to enter for a chance to win an audio CD by Rick Johnson called Power Tools for Women

The Man Whisperer by Rick Johnson

What a Husband Needs from His Wife and/or What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

Love Notes on His Pillow: And Other Everyday Ways to Keep Your Love Alive by Linda J. Gilden

Application Steps:
Think about how important your husband's love is to you and consider that your respect means just as much to him.

If your marriage seems strained right now, think about your conversations with your husband lately. Have your comments been encouraging and uplifting, or discouraging and destructive?

Instead of chocolates this Valentine's day, give your husband what he really desires- respect, admiration and love.

Reflections:
Am I in the habit of tearing down my husband?

Do our daily conversations leave him feeling respected and admired, or unrespected and criticized?

Power Verses:
Genesis 2:24, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (NIV)

1 Corinthians 13:2-7, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (ESV)

James 3:5b-6a, "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body." (NIV)

© 2010 Tracie Miles. All rights reserved.

Grace Covers

Melanie Chitwood

"Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8 (NAS)

Cartilage is a tissue that is found in many places in our bodies, including at the end of bones where joints form. It protects our joints from wear and tear, helps them move smoothly, and absorbs shock. When the cartilage in our knee, for example, is damaged, we feel pain.

Grace in our marriages is like the protective covering of cartilage in our joints. Couples who show each other a gracious attitude cover their marriage with understanding, protect their marriage from misunderstandings and short-tempered emotions, and help one another absorb life's jolts and shocks.

For example, the other day Scott came home late to discover that I had forgotten to turn off the hose after washing the dogs. The backyard was overflowing with water—an inconvenience and a costly mistake on my part. He could have gotten mad at me, but he didn't. His gracious attitude covered my shortcoming.

Today's key verse contains the word love rather than the word grace. That's because one aspect of love is grace. It's the part of love that is generous, forgiving, encouraging, and unconditional. It's the part of love that empowers you to fill in the gaps rather than notice what's lacking in your spouse. Grace asks, "How can I help you?" instead of growing frustrated or bitter when your spouse isn't measuring up to your standard.

Bringing criticism, judgment, and self-righteousness into your marriage is all too easy. Saying "Why didn't you…" "You should have…" or "I told you so" requires no effort. But being gracious is what we need in marriage, and that's what Christ calls us to be. We're human. We're going to disappoint one another. We're not always going to meet each other's needs.

When you are fully aware of your own weaknesses and of the ways you fall short of the glory of God, you are more likely to show your partner a gracious attitude. God's Word reminds us that "love covers." How can you cover your spouse with the love of grace today?

Dear Lord, search me, O God, and know my heart (Psalm 139:23). Soften my heart and make me willing to adopt a gracious attitude toward my spouse. Where I have been unforgiving, harsh, judgmental, or bitter toward my spouse, Lord, I am sorry and ask Your forgiveness. If we need to talk about an issue, Lord, I pray our conversation will lead us both to a gracious attitude toward one another. If there's something I need to be quiet about or just to accept, give me willingness and strength. Lord, I pray that my attitude toward my spouse will reflect Your gracious love. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

This devotion was adapted from What a Wife Needs from Her Husband. Order your copy today!

Join Melanie for a conference call on "Building a Marriage that Will Last a Lifetime." For more information, please visit Melanie's blog.

For more on grace, read Fighting Words

Application Steps:
What you can do today to show a gracious attitude toward your spouse? Some ideas:
• Let it go.
• Assume the best.
• In your quiet time, think about the different ways God has covered you with grace rather than burdened you with judgment.
• Hang around friends with gracious attitudes. Let their attitudes rub off on you.
• Be careful of keeping company with people who are constantly bashing and bad-mouthing their spouses. Their bad attitudes are likely to affect yours.
• Don't say, "I told you so."

Reflections:
What triggers in you a harsh or judgmental reaction toward your spouse rather than a gracious reaction?

How has Christ shown you grace, and how can His grace spill over in your marriage?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 4:2, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (NIV)

1 Peter 3:7, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way…" (NAS)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

Mismatched Candlesticks

Karen Ehman

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found..." Proverbs 10:12-13a (ESV)

They are an odd, but pretty pair; the two candlesticks we have perched on the antique dresser in our master bedroom. While both are crafted from solid brass with similar round and sturdy bases, the shafts of each candlestick couldn't be less alike.

One is straight and streamlined; not at all fancy, just functional; with tall lines, direct and strong. The second is designed with a touch of flair; two equidistant strands of brass whirl and swirl side-by-side in a "look at me" manner, as they ascend to the top of the shaft that holds the candle in place.

I found each candlestick at a different yard sale, both in the same month. While their styles aren't the same, somehow this eclectic pair is an interesting match. And more importantly, they are a constant visual reminder to my husband and me, providing a tangible picture of our marriage.

My husband is the first candlestick. No frills. Straight-forward. Only about function. I am the second one. Crazy. Winding. All over the map. Completely about fun. While we both are "forged from brass" in that we are followers of Christ with the same spiritual foundation, pair our opposite-end-of-the-spectrum personalities together and disaster could ensue. In fact, we often joke that if in our college-courting days, we would have been able to send our profiles to an online matchmaking website, instead of pairing us up with each other, the computer screen would have blinked a bright warning. DO NOT DATE!! TOTALLY NOT COMPATIBLE!

Beyond the normal male/female differences, we have a lot in our personalities that cause friction, conflict and sometimes (mostly from me) snapping and harsh words. In fact, it doesn't matter if it is in marriage, parenting or in a work or friendship situation, mismatched personalities can cause frustration, anger and at times, wounded feelings.

Someone who is not wired as we are, does not think like we do and who makes decisions and carries out actions we would never dream of, can just plain rub us the wrong way. It causes our feathers to ruffle and not-so-nice thoughts to invade our brains.

Usually, if dealing with a non-family member, we manage to keep our composure; tame our tongue; to not do or say anything in the midst of our frustration that we might later regret. With our children or spouses, however, sometimes we open the floodgates and spew out all sorts of cutting comments, nasty words, flying criticisms and awful accusations. My husband and I call it "throwing flesh balls." At that point, we are not "walking by the Spirit" but "gratifying the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16).

My flesh just likes to be gratified sometimes and nothing gratifies it more than a good ole', all-out verbal assault on my "thinks-and-acts-so-different-from-me" husband. Instead, today's verse provides direction for how we should handle the inevitable conflicts that arise from trying to mesh two very differing personality types.

We shouldn't spew hate. We should seek to understand. We should ask God for wisdom. We should love. Not necessarily in an "ushy-gushy, touchy-feely" sort of way; but rather, in an, "I am going to choose to react gently and behave kindly because that is what God is asking me to do" sort of way. Cementing this line of thinking in our mind will help us to make the right choice. There are things we will do because we are doing them for God that we otherwise might never do for a spouse, co-worker or friend who makes us mad!

Will you join me today in purposing to stop stirring up strife when it comes to someone in your life who is oil while you are so water? Yes, even if it is your own spouse. The world is watching; sizing up how we behave. When we are one part of a divergence in personalities, what will they see? Stirred up strife or lovingly covered offenses?

Dear Lord, grant me the ability to speak kindly, respond gently and at times, to hold my tongue. I want my actions and reactions to please and reflect You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

For more on mismatched marriage and a chance to win a couples ‘basket-in-a-box’ giveaway, visit Karen’s blog

A Life that Says Welcome by Karen Ehman

Application Steps:
Jot down the names of one or two people with whom you have difficulty getting along. Now, name at least one kind and thoughtful gesture you could do for them during this Valentine's season, even if anonymously. Do it this week.

Reflections:
In the past, how have you dealt with male/female differences with your spouse or, if you aren't married, with other personality clashes in your life? What were the results? What could you do differently in the future to promote a more harmonious relationship?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 15:1-3 "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good." (ESV)

John 13:34-35, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (NIV)

© 2010 by Karen Ehman. All rights reserved.