Lara L. O’Brien, She Speaks Graduate
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
Have you ever felt like one of those toys from the Land of the Misfit Toys in “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer?” Boy, I sure have! Growing up, an overwhelming sadness haunted me. Inferiority and worthlessness were constant companions and I wondered if God had been sleeping on the job when He created me. Those feelings manifested themselves in a deep depression.
By the time I was a teenager, anorexia consumed me and I was determined to destroy myself. Because my life felt so out of control I needed something I could control. In my case, it was what I did or did not put in my mouth.
Years spent in my anorexic prison molded my self-image into one of self-hatred. Why would anyone want to be with me? Why am I here? Do I even want to live anymore? These were just a few of the questions that constantly bounced around in my head. Feeling like a square peg in a round hole, I quite honestly wanted to die. The pain of day-to-day living was so hard for me.
Despite being surrounded by amazing family and friends who loved me, I believed many things that were not true. I whole-heartedly believed I was a mistake. I believed I could get the affirmation I desired from guys, most whom were abusive towards me. I believed I was worth nothing and deserved the hits, scratches, and horrible, hateful words. I thought they were my rightful punishment.
Growing up I believed something else too…I believed in God. But did I believe Him? Did I believe all His wonderful promises were meant for me personally? Did I believe God could love me when I was such an absolute mess?
After years of depression, suicide attempts, abusive dating relationships, and starvation, I had an encounter with my Savior. I met God with my pain and messy, mixed-up life and He met me with His love and acceptance. He showed me I was His child, made in His own image. The Lord also led me to an amazing Christian counselor. Revisiting my painful past through counseling was a hard journey, but well worth it. I felt God’s infinite healing and love for me, and for the first time I began to believe that God had a plan and a purpose for my life.
The Lord is now using my life and experiences for His good. I have a passion to minister His healing and love through written and spoken words to those who suffer or have suffered as I did. How about you? Are you hurting? Do you feel worthless and like you do not matter? Please don’t. You are not a misfit toy.
A friend once told me that if God had a refrigerator, my photo would be on it. Your picture would too! God loves you so much and created you in His beautiful image. His Word says you are made with love. Choose today to believe it.
Dear Lord, I pray for those who are hurting and who believe that they do not matter. Please meet them in the middle of their pain, and shower Your love and affection over them. Thank You that You created all of us in Your wonderful image. You never make mistakes. We praise You for that. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Do You Know the Healer of All Wounds?
Your Scars are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes
Shaped with Purpose CD and companion Workbook by Renee Swope
His Princess, Love Letters from Your King by Sherri Rose Shepherd
Application Steps:
1. Dive into God’s Word…His love letter to you, His child. Let His love for you
pour off the pages into your heart.
2. Keep a journal. Writing is a wonderful way to express your feelings.
3. Talk to God…He loves you and wants to hear from you.
4. Seek godly professional help if you need it. Please do not feel ashamed to do that.
Reflections:
What experience or situation caused you to feel the way that you do (or did) about yourself?
In light of God’s Word, do you now believe how special you are to Him?
Power Verses:
Psalm 139:13-14, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (NIV)
1 Timothy 4:4, “For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving.” (NIV)
Colossians 1:16, “For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.” (NIV)
© 2008 by Lara L. O’Brien. All rights reserved.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
Have you ever felt like one of those toys from the Land of the Misfit Toys in “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer?” Boy, I sure have! Growing up, an overwhelming sadness haunted me. Inferiority and worthlessness were constant companions and I wondered if God had been sleeping on the job when He created me. Those feelings manifested themselves in a deep depression.
By the time I was a teenager, anorexia consumed me and I was determined to destroy myself. Because my life felt so out of control I needed something I could control. In my case, it was what I did or did not put in my mouth.
Years spent in my anorexic prison molded my self-image into one of self-hatred. Why would anyone want to be with me? Why am I here? Do I even want to live anymore? These were just a few of the questions that constantly bounced around in my head. Feeling like a square peg in a round hole, I quite honestly wanted to die. The pain of day-to-day living was so hard for me.
Despite being surrounded by amazing family and friends who loved me, I believed many things that were not true. I whole-heartedly believed I was a mistake. I believed I could get the affirmation I desired from guys, most whom were abusive towards me. I believed I was worth nothing and deserved the hits, scratches, and horrible, hateful words. I thought they were my rightful punishment.
Growing up I believed something else too…I believed in God. But did I believe Him? Did I believe all His wonderful promises were meant for me personally? Did I believe God could love me when I was such an absolute mess?
After years of depression, suicide attempts, abusive dating relationships, and starvation, I had an encounter with my Savior. I met God with my pain and messy, mixed-up life and He met me with His love and acceptance. He showed me I was His child, made in His own image. The Lord also led me to an amazing Christian counselor. Revisiting my painful past through counseling was a hard journey, but well worth it. I felt God’s infinite healing and love for me, and for the first time I began to believe that God had a plan and a purpose for my life.
The Lord is now using my life and experiences for His good. I have a passion to minister His healing and love through written and spoken words to those who suffer or have suffered as I did. How about you? Are you hurting? Do you feel worthless and like you do not matter? Please don’t. You are not a misfit toy.
A friend once told me that if God had a refrigerator, my photo would be on it. Your picture would too! God loves you so much and created you in His beautiful image. His Word says you are made with love. Choose today to believe it.
Dear Lord, I pray for those who are hurting and who believe that they do not matter. Please meet them in the middle of their pain, and shower Your love and affection over them. Thank You that You created all of us in Your wonderful image. You never make mistakes. We praise You for that. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Do You Know the Healer of All Wounds?
Your Scars are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes
Shaped with Purpose CD and companion Workbook by Renee Swope
His Princess, Love Letters from Your King by Sherri Rose Shepherd
Application Steps:
1. Dive into God’s Word…His love letter to you, His child. Let His love for you
pour off the pages into your heart.
2. Keep a journal. Writing is a wonderful way to express your feelings.
3. Talk to God…He loves you and wants to hear from you.
4. Seek godly professional help if you need it. Please do not feel ashamed to do that.
Reflections:
What experience or situation caused you to feel the way that you do (or did) about yourself?
In light of God’s Word, do you now believe how special you are to Him?
Power Verses:
Psalm 139:13-14, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (NIV)
1 Timothy 4:4, “For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving.” (NIV)
Colossians 1:16, “For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.” (NIV)
© 2008 by Lara L. O’Brien. All rights reserved.
Labels: God's Perspective, Overcoming, Perseverance, Trusting God
14 Comments:
amazing message you spoke of me. i do feel just like that and today i have a big interview and i'm wondering why i'm even bothering to go they'll see right thourgh me.
I truly did have the same thought about "the island of misfit toys"....I thought, if that were real I would be there. Even after 30 years of becoming a Christian, I am just beginning to see the "more" God sees in me...the love He has for me. I have a long way to go but, as you said, I would say to others who are hurting...don't give up. The things you (distortedly) see are lies that were "put upon you" and you have embraced (most unwittingly) as truth.
I don't know why some people seem to breeze through and not be touched by issues...and others, like fragile glass lay broken...but I do know (or am learning) that God loves each one us. I also know that it is really only through brokenness that God can truly use a person for Kingdom work. For in brokenness (the kind that says "I can do nothing of value on my own") God finds someone who says "LORD do in me that which I cannot do." I see in His Word that over and over again He used people and even places (Bethlehem) that were "of little use" in the eyes of the world. It is His way.
These thoughts bring me comfort when I feel so insecure...and then remember, it's not about what I am or what I can do...but TRULY about HIM and His love, His ability.. He loves us and is willing to use the "have-nots" for His purposes...for we are cherished by Him! That is what the cross speaks to us! God--He is AWESoME!
This brought tears to my eyes,your life mirrors mine,I had a very bad childhood,and it still haunts me to this day,I'm also struggling with a bad addiction that I had since I was a child,an addiction that made me feel better and that I could hide in and escape all of the pain I was in,this has been 40 some years ago but it is still haunting me and I struggle daily with it.I did get help from someone, but that person let go of me and now I'm on my own again.
Thanks for the encouraging message,because of it I feel closer to God and I am able to fight any battle that satan brings on!
First of all...to my amazing sister in Christ who has the interview today...God has opened this door and He will be with you...I do hope that the interviewer sees right through you...sees past your doubt and fear...to your heart...to the wonderful Godly woman you are!
WOW...as I watched Rudolph last week that very same thought crossed my mind. I do struggle with a sense of self worth. In this struggle I have drifted away from my daily walk with Jesus. This is my first visit to the site and my first step back to the path God has chosen for me. Thank you for being there.
Thank you for the encouraging message today! Each day I read the heartfelt devotions, I am lifted up, and I thank God for loving me "just as I am". Each and everyday is truly a gift from our Heavenly Father.
Hi Lara: Thank you so much for your transparency. It will truly free other gals to speak out about their struggles. I know b/c I too have been there. I'm so grateful that Jesus has taken me in His arms and shown me the truth about how very much He loves me and how precious I am to Him. It's one thing to believe it in your mind, but another to believe it in your heart. It has taken much time, but I am believeing in my heart!! I praise God for your victories and for the way He will use you to help others. Thank you for being willing to share, and for going through the hard and long process of healing w/ Jesus. You are a treasure!
What a wonderful devotional. Thank you for sharing your journey. Your words are timely and filled with hope. God is so good, but sometimes our own stuff blocks His glorious light and all we see is darkness. You've cleared a path for many women today.
I have a friend recently diagnosed with a mental illness who has said many of the same things you did. She feels worthless and cannot understand why even God would want her. It so happened today that my devotional came late. I am convinced God had a hand in delaying it. It came after this friend received a very hurtful email from a friend of hers who has trouble understanding her illness. She was devistated by his words. I have sent this to her hoping that it will speak to her. She doesn't see that there are so many of us who feel this exact same way at one time or another. Thank you for putting what so many of us feel into words and sharing them. May God bless you many times over for sharing something so personal.
This devotion made me sob openly. I too had a very very painful childhood and even now in my 40's I feel bad about myself. Thank you for touching my soul with your life experiences. I hope some day I will find the peace that you have.
My heart is heavy for you beautiful women that can't see how precious and radiant you are to the Father. You are valuable far more than you can even imagine. He, our LORD, loves you. He loves you. He loves you. I love you.
God bless all of you, especially Lisa V...
Thank you , Lord, for loving us as we are, Lord, and for this devo which exposes the lies we believe and clears our vision so we can see your love more clearly.
Timely again...this morning something happened that made me feel as though I don't have any real (close) friends...people who really care about me enough to contact me or want to spend time with me somewhat regularly. The feelings of being an outcast came rushing back in...ouch! The depressive feelings came along with it.
I could say some "religious" stuff here...but the truth is it is often lonely even in God's family. People seem to be too busy to care about each other, and when you try to reach out oftentimes people don't reach back.
I need to feel loved by God so that I don't go to others to find my significance. I have a quote that I made up recently that fits the situation: "Looking for significance from other people is like a beggar looking to another beggar for a feast" .~ C.J.S.
Although I know that I must look to God for my significance...still somehow that doesn't do away with the loneliness. I'm not sure what to do about that.
Thanks for the message...may He make my "mess" into a message too! :)
I have been feeling lonely, insecure and worthless for over 10 years now. Two years ago, I began to pray a bit more and draw closer to God . I had never committed my life to Christ but prayed for change. A Christian man asked me out, to my own surprise I ended up falling in love with him and it all felt like an answer to prayer and like everything was opening up. Then I panicked, didn't believe in myself (my past being one issue, reluctance/fear to committ to him or faith the other) We broke up and got back together many times, the same issues would crack me again.An so, we had a six month break during which he dated someone else and I continued to try to grow in faith and prayed endlessly for a solution. We got back together again but so much water has passed under the bridge and so much fear on his part and on mine, that it now seems totally irreparable. He was endlesly patient and loving.I was a nightmare and now feel more worthless than ever for having hurt him so badly and losing such a great chance at love. He often usedto say "God doesn't make mistakes" I know God will take care of him and it's my loss for not going God's way. At the time I did just feel huge conflict and confusion , especially about my past as a foolish ,young girl looking for love and approval in allthe wrong places. he never had anything like this in his own life and I felt quite unworthy and unable to talk to him fully about this.This is not coming from a young girl btw. 41 years old now which makes it even harder!) How does a woman of this age end up
in such an "untogether", insecure place when should be mature and have it all worked out by now?
Anyway, thanks v much forthe posting ( and I do thank God also as I believe it was brought to my eyes at exactly this time) Perhaps some of us will always struggle with self esteem and self worth but messages like this from Lara are a comfort and encouragement
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