Surrendering Your Marriage
Melanie Chitwood

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the One who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!” Proverbs 3:5-7. (The Message)

It seems that the longer I’ve been married, more and more frequently I hear of struggling Christian marriages. I know these couples never intended to be in such a desperate place. When they said their wedding vows of “for better or worse,” they never imagined that the “worse” part would include thoughts of divorce appearing as a good option.

When I hear about these couples, I turn my thoughts toward my own marriage. I hug my husband tightly and whisper prayers of thanksgiving that we are together, committed, and growing closer.

You see, this hasn’t always been the case for us. For about half of our fifteen years of marriage, we fought constantly and although we loved each other passionately, we just couldn’t figure out how to be married or how to be a couple.

Finally, in desperation, I cried out to God asking Him what I should do. His answer surprised me. In the still, small voice in my heart, God told me to surrender my marriage to Him. I knew that the key to surrendering my marriage was trusting God. Instead of trying to be in control by telling my husband and God what to do, I learned to set my eyes on Christ and to ask Christ what He wanted me to do in my marriage.

Since that day, I have focused on being the kind of wife God wants me to be. I have searched the Scriptures, and one step at a time I have obeyed God’s commands for being a godly wife.

Many times it has felt like two steps forward and one step back. But that’s still progress! God has transformed our marriage into one of friendship, intimacy, and laughter, instead of the strife-filled marriage we had previously experienced.

God knows all about your marriage. He knows all about you. He knows all about your husband. Your marriage is a gift from Him, and can bring God glory and you joy when you surrender your marriage to Him. Start today by trusting God, and see what happens as you allow God to transform your marriage.

Dear Lord, thank you for my husband and my marriage. I want the marriage You want me to have, Lord. I confess that I’ve tried to make it into what I want it to be, not necessarily what You want. I surrender myself and my marriage into Your loving hands and Your sovereign Lordship. Give me the desire and strength to be the kind of wife You want me to be. Then I know I’ll be the wife my husband needs. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do you know Him?

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

For expert marriage advice, visit Growthtrac

Application Steps:
Pray a prayer surrendering your marriage to God. Pray with your hands open to symbolize the release of your marriage to God. Another idea to represent this release is to write your name and your husband’s name on a balloon before it’s inflated, blow it up, and then release it in the air.

What would you like your marriage to look like today? One year from now? Five years from now? Ten years from now? Ask God to give you a hope and a vision for your marriage.

What’s one thing can you stop doing because you know it doesn’t create oneness in your marriage?

In Colossians 3: 14 we’re told to “put on love.” What’s one thing you can do today to show your husband you love him?

Sometimes we hesitate to surrender to God because of our fears. Can you identify any fears you have in your marriage? As God to reveal these to you, ask Him to take away your fear and to replace it with His truth.

What two or three questions can I ask here to further contemplate this topic?

Power Verses:
1 Peter 4:8, “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins” (NLT).

Proverbs 3:27, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due when it is in your power to do it” (NAS).

Ephesians 4:32, “And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you” (AMP).

2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline” (NAS).

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

a good is SO difficult at times...but yes, the bottom line is "am I pleasing God in my responses/reactions toward my husband?" This is tough when you are in pain...but through it all, if I learn that God is trustworthy...I will grow and by His Spirit our marriage will flourish...unless the LORD builds the house....amen!

Blogger Ann said...

Thank you. This was EXACTLY what I needed to read this morning.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Lord for your gentle grace!
He knew how desperate I needed to hear from Him! What an answered pray!
I surrender it all to you Jesus!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Father. You heard my heart crying out to you and whispered into my soul your answer. Father, I surrender my completely surrender my marriage to you.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for the lovely devotional.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW - what a perfect devotional. I am a marriage intercessor for my church and was just praying for a specific troubled marriage. Further, my own marriage is much like you described yours used to be. I already had my arms open in surrender as I read your action points - PRAISE JESUS! Your devotional ENCOURAGED me and convicted me. God bless you for being His instrument.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

An answer to my prayers. I needed this because I am praying for healing in my marriage. Father,You are good and everything You do is good. You are an on time God! praise Your Holy name!!!!

Blogger Lisa said...

Thank you for this message. It spoke to me in areas with other relationships as well.
I chose one of those verses as my memory verse today.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

when my husband and i met with my pastor before getting married, he told me something that I try not to forget. Before my husband is my husband he is a child of God and I should treat Him as a child of God.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I opened my inbox several times today, and though I knew I needed to read the devotional and it even crossed my mind again before I closed my inbox at 5:00 P.M. I came home and sure enough gave in to the hurt and anger and bitter and caused my husband deep hurt inside, now I am sitting here at 10:05 P.M. at night on this computer as my husband has walked out the door and remembered that God had nudged me to read this earlier, I finally sit here in tears reading the message that God has had for me all day just sitting there in my reach! I am truly sorry Lord for not listening to your still sounding voice, in the midst of the busy day. If I had read this when I first got it, I could have saved my husband hurt and myself heartache... Please forgive me, I surrender my marriage God to you, I cannot control my husband or my marriage.. I surrender it to you, and I ask your forgiveness today, for not listening sooner and obeying you. please give me another chance father. I will change my heart! I will be the wife you won't me to be for my husband. Please hear me Lord, I am sorry..

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is so hard when I see my husband struggling, striking out in anger and frustration in life. I pray for your continued Holy Spirt of healing in his life. I pray that I can be the positive wife you want me to be.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This devotional was just perfect for me. My husband and I are now retired, empty-nesters. We are together alot and it is very different. The fact that we are still married is evidence of God's grace and faithfulness to us. But we still have a long way to go so this is the step that I need to take but didn't realize it possibly.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sweet Sisters in Christ, thank you for sharing your hearts and prayers. I know how challenging marriage can be. I also know how great God's power is in us and how He can truly transform and truly hold together your marriage. He loves you and is FOR your marriage. Each step of obedience opens the door to the Holy Spirit. Don't open the door to the enemy! After sixteen years of marriage, many unexpected turns, I can honestly say my marriage is better than ever. Not conflict free, but centered on Christ. Keep pressing on dear sisters! melanie

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank You, Lord, Thank You! This was read a day late but not short in anything. I prayed this morning with my hands up and opened and I bowed down. I felt such a release and humility. I give it to you Lord. I have had a rough life and have been trying to control for so long. I have hurt the one person I love the most and my children. I have wanted my husband to be the head for so long but didn't see the fact he can't lead if I am standing in his way, he can't be more open if I shut him up before he says a word. What an awesome devotion What An Awesome God!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for this devotional! Lord, surrender doesn't come easily for me, but I am offering my marriage up to you. It was never mine to begin with, I only thought it was. Please take our marriage and make it the marriage that you desire we have. when I try to take control, please send me a reminder to give the reigns back to you. Thank you, father, for loving me!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is in response to the post:
It is so hard when I see my husband struggling, striking out in anger and frustration in life. I pray for your continued Holy Spirt of healing in his life. I pray that I can be the positive wife you want me to be.

Whoever you are! Rejoice in knowing that God can move mountains. My hubby struggles with frustration and anger and as I've begun to pray more for him and become more understanding..a peace has come over him and God has begun to move that mountain out of our marriage. You are in my prayers!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

First, I want to Thank God. Second, I want to Thank You ladies who all made a comment. I read this the first day it came out and I told God that would surrender my marriage to him. On yesterday, I decide to help God out just a little. Well, I talked and there was no response. I asked God to give me a Word, because I thought I did the right thing, but I guess I was wrong. I didn't give it all to Him just what I wanted to give Him. So this morning I read today's devotional about the children and just as I was about to close it God said click on "Surrendering Your Marriage." I did what He asked of me and I cryed because God reminded me that I surrendered my marriage to Him and I step in the way because it was not going fast enough for me. I thought only of myself and my pain. SO TODAY, I AM REMOVING MYSELF OUT OF THE WAY AND I'M PLACING MY MARRIAGE IN THE HANDS OF MY FATHER - JESUS CHRIST! MY HUSBAND IS GOD'S CHILD AS WELL AS I AM HIS CHILD! GOD KNOWS MY THOUGHTS AND MY HEART AND HE KNOWS MY HUSBANDS THOUGHTS AND HIS HEART! THANK YOU LADIES SO VERY MUCH FOR BEING OPEN! ALL OF YOU HAVE REALLY HELPED ME TODAY! PRAYER: O LORD, I thank you for these women who you have used to touch my heart today. Bless them in there marriges and help them to become women that will be examples to other women that God will do wonders for your marriages. I pray that you will help them to be the wives that they can be for there husbands. In Jesus Name, Amen!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you GOD ALMIGHTY for your WORD which doesn't change. Your word remains truthful and is the same today, tomorrow and yesterday. I have read the devotional "Surrendering Your Marriage" for the first time today (18 September 2007) i.e. almost two weeks after it was first posted. The devotional carried EXACTLY a message that I was searching for and NEEDED to hear this morning after my husband and I had a pretty rough night filled with anger, bitterness, hurt, accusations, and hurtful words.
FATHER, I pray for forgiveness.

This morning when I woke up all I wanted was solace shelter and someone I could talk to, someone who could tell me more about marriage and about what to do serve my marriage. I am glad I have got someone in JESUS CHRIST who knew how desperate I was and who directed me to this devotional. I SURRENDER my marriage to you Lord Jesus. Please take control and be in charge.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My marriage is falling apart. And I was feeling so lost. Coming to this website has given me hope. I have prayed with open arms for God to take my marriage and heal it, strengthen it and make it whole again. I too have caused great pain to my husband. And now God has opened my eyes to see what I need to do to fix it. Thank you for being here when I needed it. I truly believe and know that God sent me here so that I can see all that He will do for my marriage and for me. God Bless.......

Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW!! I can't thank you enough ladies for all the powerful comments and the devotion itself and how it has impacted me. My husband of 19yrs. left me (and filed for divorce) and 3 kids just 2 months ago, due mostly to me not being the help mate I was called to be. He felt I was out of control with the finances, kids and just my own agenda's. I wasn't being the godly wife God told me in the bible to be. These last 2 months have been a huge wake up call for us both. Thanks to tons of prayer both from church family and friends and myself on my knees everyday, we are talking more and things are looking well, however that devil still delights in putting doubt in his mind. I am praying again this morning to surrender my marriage over to God to heal our hurts and the bitterness and anger my husband has held against me. We did have a great weekend together just talking and discussing the "what if's" and how we are going to have to work REAL hard on forgiveness, etc. He told me he realizes he needs spiritual growth and has recently contacted our family counselor at church, so he seems ready to begin to work things out. This is all GOD because just last week he was being ugly and telling the kids that we were not going to get back together. Please pray for my family because the devil came in and just about destroyed it, and we are not out of the woods yet. However, I have faith in God that he will continue to work in my husband's heart and mine, and let us have the marriage we have only dreamed about. Thank you ladies, your words gave me encouragement to keep on keeping on.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have had my prayers answered when I came to God for help. Unfortunately, the troubles were never healed. My family is in jeopardy once again. I love my wife unconditionally but do not see how I can go on being married with this disorder that plagues us. Please God, I have been praying to you for years to keep our marriage safe from this. If there is a way to resolve it, please do it swiftly before it is to late. Please give me a sign that you will heal us. Please make it obvious to me. Please make help my wife see that things are not what she believes. She needs help God. Take away her mean spiritedness and enlighten her that I love her more than anyone- unconditionally.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been married for 8 years.My husband is unsaved butI have been for about 4 years now. Things get pretty ugly sometimes. He says things that rip me to my core and thinks nothing of it. Either that or I get nothing at all from him. He's never been physical but sometimes I wonder if it would hurt less. Letting go of my marriage has been the single hardest thing I've faced yet as a Christian. I have laid it at God's feet so many times only to pick it right back up. But I will continue to lay it down as many times as it takes. As the gentleman said earlier in another post, I love my huband more than anything or anyone. I just want him to be nice-to love me-to care about me-I want to be important to him. I thank my God every day for my husband. I pray for peace at his job and in his spirit and heart. I know that I know that I know he will be saved one day. Completely and totally restored to God and our marriage will flurish. My hope is in you God, you promised and I believe!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Trust God!" These were the first words we read in this devotion. As I read this devotion almost eight monts after it was posted. I thought about how great God is. He sends his word to us right when we need it most. I have been served with divorce papers. I am a women of faith and I refuse to believe the report. My marriage is not over. God has a greater plan. Trust God.

I too like others have surrendered my marriage to God many times. I have step in and picked it right back up again. This devotion was a wake up call for me. I must ask myself who do I trust God or me? I say I trust God. How am I showing it? Does he need my help with my husband and or my marriage? I know God is an awesome God. Does he need my help? No, I just desire to hold my husband, my marrige and my children close to my heart. Trust God.

I trust you God. I surrender my marriage to you. I surrender. I am stepping out of your way Lord. Have your way. I can't control myself at times. How can I control my husband?

My Prayer: I surrender myself and my marriage to you Lord. Restore what the enemy has taken away. Rebuild our marriage on a solid foundation your word. May we put you first in all we say and do. You know our situation Lord. Heal us. Restore us. Create the husbans and wife you want us to be. In your son Jesus name I pray Amen.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for being so personal Lord. You led me to this page today because I needed to hear this message again. I needed You to confirm things for me through this passage. I surrender to you Lord. I wait with the innocent faith of child, like my own children believe in You. I long to return to that degree of faith. Thank you for your mercy and grace.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel like shouting after reading this article and all of the comments. When I say shouting I mean a loud rejoicing sound! I have come to a place in my marriage where I finally see what damage generational curses can be. The women in my fily have all had problems with the men in their lives, including me! I have continually treated my husband with such disrespect and he's seriously considering divorce. I've been before the Lord today asking for forgiveness, a clean heart,a renewal of love, humility, and a reverence towards my husband. Oh please Lord, create in me a new heart and allow my husband to see my devotion to him.AMEN! Thank you all for your openness.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"What a Husband Needs from His Wife" is an excellent book! I am a young woman of God married to a man who is quite worldly. This book is inspiring me to be a wife that God wants me to be.. I pray for my husband daily and pray that he knows Jesus the way I do. It's such a great book.. PLEASE read it and be encouraged as I have (someone who really hates reading books completed it in about 4 days!) ha!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This message is related to Jennifer,
My marriage was a little similiar to yours.Me and my husband have been wahat I called married for 19 years.I love my husband very much.He has cheate don me with other women at leats three times.I was in denial because I did not want to beleive that he was messing around.I forgave my husband on the second time.I told him we can work thru this no matter what other people say.I thought things were going well until I caught my husband again at another womans house.I dont listen to everything that people say so I had to find out for myself.And I did.How I am still hurt from this.I ask GOD to help me to just let him handle my husband.I ask you ladies to continue to pray for mE that I will do what God wants me to do.We will be seperated a year in November and I need God to direct me with the right choice to make.My marriage wouldn't have hurt me so much if my husband wasn't a preacher! So Im totaly leaning and depending on God for answers.Please pray for me.God bless you all for listening.signed hurt

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to know of any specific prayers or devotionals for someone whose husband is going through a midlife crisis, is on depression medication, and is seriously thinking about moving out. Our marriage was very lonely and emotionally distant the past several years, but I've had inner-healing work done with a pastoral counselor and am finally beginning to feel lighter and ready to work on the marriage just as he's "leaning toward separation or divorce." I would love a devotional or prayer recommendation.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband and I have been married 31 years and he is unhappy and can't forgive me of things he says. He does not want the marriage to work an will not even try. I have reason to belive a third party may be involved. I want to surrender my husband and my marriage to you Lord. I give it all to you and I don't want it anymore. I am gong to trust in your Lord. I will not let the Devil have my husband or my marriage. I am standing on your word Lord. Help me to be the wife you want me to be and please give me another chance. I have failed my husband in so many ways Lord, and for that I ask for forgiveness from you and him. I failed to realize he was your child father.

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