I Don’t Love My Husband Anymore
Lysa TerKeurst

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…”
Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

I was saddened by what my friend was sharing. She was tired of her husband so she was leaving him because she found the man she dreamed of being with. I was shocked by my friend’s decision.

I had been in their wedding and heard the lifetime promises made from their hearts. I had been with them to celebrate their first anniversary. I had been with them just after the births of their first and second child. I had shared their laughter, encouraged them through their tears, and enjoyed doing life with them.

While their relationship had not been perfect, they did love one another. But something had gotten broken in their relationship and neither of them knew how to fix it. It led to a stale quietness that seeped into their home and made each feel lonelier and isolated than they ever knew was possible for a “couple.” He had grown distant. She had grown frustrated. Life was busy, finances were stressful, and they stopped making time for romantic conversations they used to enjoy. They used to be a team and felt they could beat anything life sent their way. Now they just fought against each other. Then she met an attentive, financially secure man who seemed to be the answer to all of her unmet longings.

She traded her life for the thrill of something new, the lure of something she perceived would be so much better.

But just two years later I ran into this friend and was stunned by her confession. With tears in her eyes she admitted that she’d discovered fairy tales don’t exist. Every relationship feels exhilarating at the beginning but then real life happens and marriage is hard work no matter who you are married to. When I asked her to tell me about her new husband she smiled shyly and said, “Well, he’s hairy.”


What did she just say? My mind was spinning. Of all the words, all the descriptions, all the romantic terms I expected her to use, “hairy” was no where on the list. How telling that the man that was once so irresistible that she traded everything for him, had now been reduced to one word…hairy!

I’m convinced that in marriage the grass isn’t greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water and fertilize it.

Dear Lord, please help me see my marriage as a sacred thing. May I always understand that being married was not meant to just make me happy but make my character more holy. Help me remember being married is less about having the right partner and more about being the right partner. Shape me into the wife my husband needs and deserves. Help me to pause before I speak so I don’t react out of anger, frustration, or selfishness. Show me how to respect, love and give to this man in a way that honors You and brings joy to our home. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Capture His Heart
by Lysa TerKeurst

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Application Steps:

Write a list of all the things you love and admire about your husband. If you can’t think of any now, list what you liked about him when you married him. Find some time today to share the list with your husband. Spend some time in prayer for your marriage and for your husband.
Consider signing up for a marriage coaching conference call for women with Lysa TerKeurst. Follow the link in the resources section above to learn more.

As a wife, is your goal to help your husband become all that God intends him to be, or all that you intend him to be?.

Have you bought into the cultural idea of marriage being some sort of fairy tale?

Sometimes, being a helper is actually a lot of work. How can you better fulfill your God-given role as a helper to your husband?

Power Verses:
Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”

Matthew 19:5-6, “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

1 Corinthians 7:13, “If a woman had a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.”

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

just wanted to say thank you to proverbs 31 ministries...i receive your devotions everyday and i make it a point to read everyday..it has been a great blessing in my life..especially todays devotion.i was having some tough times in my marriage..sometimes i felt that i married the wrong person but this thought never occured to me that being married is less about having the right partner and more about being the right partner.after i read this,my whole perspective has changed and the desire to be a right partner to my husband has birthed in me...God bless you so much...please keep me in your prayers.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Proverbs 31,

What a blessing you are, especially this morning in my time with the Lord God. I was especially interested in your special verses as my husband is not a beleiver. It is especially hard to be in a "mixed" marriage. My husband loves me and I him, very much. I am getting advice from my Chrisitian mom (unsolicited) who is divorced and obviously dislikes men ( she has been divorced 20+ years) about how my husband is putting his family (mom and dad who are old and ill and needing a nursing home)first all the time and she feels second rate. She keeps saying Genesis 2:24 without keeping in mind that I, too, am united in one flesh and that that Genesis 2:18 applies to me. I have been struggling with this and my teaching ministry, so thank you for your words (with God's help) to make me feel my clear! God's blessings.....

Anonymous Anonymous said...

As I read this I can’t stop crying. I once read those verses in the bible and commited to making my self better for him. But I can’t continue on giving myself to someone who only wants to receive and not give. I always believed that if you treat people the way you want to be treated then they will treat you the same way. I have been married for two years and have been trying since the night I found out he wasn’t who he said he was. The night I found out was the night we got married. He changed immediately. So, I knew what I was in for and I vowed to give him all of me, plus two children, while going to school full time. But after all this time things have not changed much. H only does things for me when I fuss about it and he has yet to do something out of the kindness of his heart. What am I to do? I tell him often that I will leave and doesn’t seem to care. Help! I’m ready for a divorce!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...


I was desperate to find a justifiable reason to leave my husband. I was so desperate that I was searching the internet for answers. I think God lead me to your site. Your article made me rethink my situation. At least for now. I dont want to make the wrong decision. Thank you for giving me another perspective on things.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i want to leave my husband , i married a year ago he is cristian believer , and after we married he stop to work and don't want to work anymore , i was widow at the time i remarried and i did everything the bible said, why he change after he see that i am not rich but am not poor , this broke my heart in pieces , please help me to find ligth , i have 3 kids when my husband die the small one was 2monthys old , help me god , if my new husband don't go to work i will divorce him , he is phd scientist in chemistry he can find job anywhere he wants

Anonymous Donna P said...

Hi Provers 31 ministries!

I was listening to K-Love one day and I heard your devotion and at the end you said something along the lines of "To learn more about how to love your husband visit our website" And I did just that today. And it gave me great encouragement. At the very end you included the verse 1 Corinthians 7:13 and this is exactly what I am going through. Others say that the Bible says that a believer should not marry a non-believer but I prayed at the time for God to stop the wedding if it was not his will, my husband is a believer but he doesn't believe the entire Bible. He believes in God, but not Jesus. But I know that through my testimony and through my living, God will use me to help bring my husband back to where he once was with the Lord and a little bit farther than that. A spiritual rebirth. I don't believe my husband has experienced that. But I have always felt that it was not God's will for me to divorce my husband no matter the trials and suffering I go through.. And 1 Corinthians 7:13 confirmed that. Thank you again. Keep up your devotionals! You are helping a lot of people! God bless you.

Anonymous Sarah M said...

I googled,"WHY DONT I LOVE MY HUBAND ANYMORE", and Proverbs Ministries popped up... this is a wonderful site i attend a christain church with my children and my husband was raised in church and knows the bible from cover to cover and yet he still has issues attending church with us. he often get attack from the enemy and his run to fix it all is alcohol... when he drinks he will often leave me and our children alone sometimes for the whole weekend and if i ask him to stay he causes a fight.....i have different people call me letting me know that they have seen him out with other women, when i confront him,he denys it and starts drinking... sometimes i wonder how much more i can take, sometimes i just want to be out of my marriage but i know that the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy everything that the Lord holds precious....

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think sometimes people rush to divorce when they haven't tried everything. My husband would not respond to any of my pleas to find solutions to our financial problems he was causing. It became clear that he would destroy himself and his career if I did not take drastic action. I took a gamble and left. He is now listening to me and taking steps towards God and Godly living. Sometimes the church needs to understand some maritial issues are not the run of the mill, and can't be solved by a woman simply being a better wife. It needs to acknowledge wifes like me that out of love take steps that to the outsider seem extreme.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I married my husband he was a new believer. Along the last 12 years, he has gotten further and further away from the Lord. He joined the National Guard to get away from his life. He is deployed in Iraq and about to return. We have a ten year old son who doesn't understand any of this. Sometimes, I don't want to be married anymore. Thank you for reminding me that it isn't about me, that I should honor my husband even though I don't feel much like honoring him or loving him.

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