Lysa TerKeurst
"Flee from sexual immorality." 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
A few years ago, I watched a friend get tangled up in an emotional affair. She was a strong Christian woman who loved her family but the attraction to this other man seemed unavoidable. She tried to talk herself out of it but her heart played tricks on her mind, and the justifications for letting things continue down this path soon led her to a very dangerous place. She was becoming emotionally attached to this other man.
In a moment of desperation and fear, she confided in me what was going on. As she described how she got pulled into this place, I found myself being challenged by the realization of how subtly this had happened. She hadn't planned on being emotionally attracted to this other man. As a matter of fact, she'd always prided herself on being a woman of strong conviction and had scoffed at the idea of ever being tempted to have an affair.
It starts off simple enough - his comment that you mull over one too many times, a conversation in which you find a surprising connection, a glance that lingers just a second too long, or one of a thousand other interactions that seem innocent yet aren't. These are the dangerous seeds that can easily sprout into an emotional affair.
Some think it is a safe way to enjoy the lure of being attracted to someone other than your spouse without crossing any lines. But God boldly and plainly says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee from sexual immorality." God doesn't say walk away from sexual immorality. No, He says to flee as if your very life is at stake! The time to prevent an emotional affair is before it ever starts. For me to rest on my spiritual laurels and think that it could never happen to me, made me a prideful, open target for Satan.
Jesus warned his disciples in Matthew 26:41,"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." The Life Application NIV Bible commentary says, "Jesus used Peter's drowsiness to warn him about the kinds of temptation he would soon face. The way to overcome temptation is to keep watch and pray. Watching means being aware of the possibilities of temptation, sensitive to the subtleties, spiritually equipped to fight it."
Watching: I now realize that I need to be aware that I am just as prone to this temptation as anyone. One of the best ways to be watchful is to be praying with and for my husband. We need to be open and honest about meeting each other's needs and investing wisely in our marriage. If we get into a rough place, we need to be willing to get help. I love the quote, "If you are busy rowing the boat, you won't have time to rock it." The more my husband and I are taking care of each other, the less attractive temptations will seem.
Sensitive to the Subtleties: I will have to be honest with myself that temptations do exist. When another man says or does something I wish my husband would say or do and doesn't, it can make me lessen my husband in my heart and build up this other man. This is a seed of poison. If watered and fed, this seed will sprout and spread and devastate. Seeds seem so small until you realize that within them they contain the potential to become huge. So, I will be steadfast to keep the fertile ground of my heart pure.
Spiritually Equipped: Philippians 4:8 reminds us, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (NIV). I must park my mind with the truth and the truth is I am married to an amazing man. He is not perfect and sometimes our marriage can be hard, but I made a commitment to Him in a covenant before God and there are no Biblical reasons in our marriage why we should ever part. Therefore, I've made the decision not to part - in big ways or small.
My friend did the wisest but hardest thing she could have done in telling me about her emotional affair. Not only did it help her to see she needed to flee and have someone else hold her accountable, but it also made me aware and alert to the dangers lurking in any kind of unhealthy emotional connection with another man.
Dear Lord, may I forever treasure my marriage and see it worthy to be protected. Help me to be a courageous woman who absolutely flees from any and every situation where there is even a hint of danger. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst
Visit Lysa’s blog
Come hear Lysa speak in Dallas, Texas at the National Christian Book Expo. For more information, click here.
Confessions of an Adulterous Christian Woman: Lies that got me there, Truths that brought me back by Lyndell Hetrick Holtz
The Man You Always Wanted is the One You Already Have by Paula Friedrichsen
Application Steps:
What are some practical ways I can be:
Watching:
Sensitive to the Subtleties:
Spiritually Equipped:
Reflections:
Are there any proactive steps I need to take to guard my heart and protect my marriage today?
Is there any person or any situation I need to flee from?
Power Verses:
Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (NIV)
"Flee from sexual immorality." 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
A few years ago, I watched a friend get tangled up in an emotional affair. She was a strong Christian woman who loved her family but the attraction to this other man seemed unavoidable. She tried to talk herself out of it but her heart played tricks on her mind, and the justifications for letting things continue down this path soon led her to a very dangerous place. She was becoming emotionally attached to this other man.
In a moment of desperation and fear, she confided in me what was going on. As she described how she got pulled into this place, I found myself being challenged by the realization of how subtly this had happened. She hadn't planned on being emotionally attracted to this other man. As a matter of fact, she'd always prided herself on being a woman of strong conviction and had scoffed at the idea of ever being tempted to have an affair.
It starts off simple enough - his comment that you mull over one too many times, a conversation in which you find a surprising connection, a glance that lingers just a second too long, or one of a thousand other interactions that seem innocent yet aren't. These are the dangerous seeds that can easily sprout into an emotional affair.
Some think it is a safe way to enjoy the lure of being attracted to someone other than your spouse without crossing any lines. But God boldly and plainly says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee from sexual immorality." God doesn't say walk away from sexual immorality. No, He says to flee as if your very life is at stake! The time to prevent an emotional affair is before it ever starts. For me to rest on my spiritual laurels and think that it could never happen to me, made me a prideful, open target for Satan.
Jesus warned his disciples in Matthew 26:41,"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." The Life Application NIV Bible commentary says, "Jesus used Peter's drowsiness to warn him about the kinds of temptation he would soon face. The way to overcome temptation is to keep watch and pray. Watching means being aware of the possibilities of temptation, sensitive to the subtleties, spiritually equipped to fight it."
Watching: I now realize that I need to be aware that I am just as prone to this temptation as anyone. One of the best ways to be watchful is to be praying with and for my husband. We need to be open and honest about meeting each other's needs and investing wisely in our marriage. If we get into a rough place, we need to be willing to get help. I love the quote, "If you are busy rowing the boat, you won't have time to rock it." The more my husband and I are taking care of each other, the less attractive temptations will seem.
Sensitive to the Subtleties: I will have to be honest with myself that temptations do exist. When another man says or does something I wish my husband would say or do and doesn't, it can make me lessen my husband in my heart and build up this other man. This is a seed of poison. If watered and fed, this seed will sprout and spread and devastate. Seeds seem so small until you realize that within them they contain the potential to become huge. So, I will be steadfast to keep the fertile ground of my heart pure.
Spiritually Equipped: Philippians 4:8 reminds us, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (NIV). I must park my mind with the truth and the truth is I am married to an amazing man. He is not perfect and sometimes our marriage can be hard, but I made a commitment to Him in a covenant before God and there are no Biblical reasons in our marriage why we should ever part. Therefore, I've made the decision not to part - in big ways or small.
My friend did the wisest but hardest thing she could have done in telling me about her emotional affair. Not only did it help her to see she needed to flee and have someone else hold her accountable, but it also made me aware and alert to the dangers lurking in any kind of unhealthy emotional connection with another man.
Dear Lord, may I forever treasure my marriage and see it worthy to be protected. Help me to be a courageous woman who absolutely flees from any and every situation where there is even a hint of danger. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst
Visit Lysa’s blog
Come hear Lysa speak in Dallas, Texas at the National Christian Book Expo. For more information, click here.
Confessions of an Adulterous Christian Woman: Lies that got me there, Truths that brought me back by Lyndell Hetrick Holtz
The Man You Always Wanted is the One You Already Have by Paula Friedrichsen
Application Steps:
What are some practical ways I can be:
Watching:
Sensitive to the Subtleties:
Spiritually Equipped:
Reflections:
Are there any proactive steps I need to take to guard my heart and protect my marriage today?
Is there any person or any situation I need to flee from?
Power Verses:
Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (NIV)
Labels: Marriage, Overcoming, Purity, Relationships, Spiritual Warfare
38 Comments:
I was in the same sort of situation a few months back, when i confided in my best friend and she put things in perspective for me - so i got out quickly! But, i did the wrong thing and did not tell my husband about it - he soon found out. Did your friend tell her husband about it? and if not or if so how do you gain the trust back?
GOD is a GOD of restoration. draw close to HIM. only HE can bring healing, trust, forgiveness. we cant do these things on our own. just as we cant truly love others if we dont know what HIS love is all about. when that healing comes, it will take your marriage to a new level if you persevere. stay is HIS word. pour your heart out before HIM. it is a difficult journey, but OUR FATHER will never leave your side. you will be in my prayers as well as those who are quietly suffering. put it all in HIS hands.
Even the strongest Christian woman can get caught up in an emotional affair with another man. I am single now but I was married for almost 10 years. Our relationship ended before it really began. It started with an emotional affair on both our parts. It happened within the first year of marriage and the next 8 years were miserable. If you are in a marriage that God brought together it is so very important that you stay focused on Christ first and than your husband. If your love life with Christ is right than your love life with your husband will be right. Christ will restore the trust that was lost, it takes commitment and time.
To the first Anonymous poster:
Yes, my friend did tell her husband and through a Christian counselor, they worked things out.
Since she had not yet crossed any physical boundaries, her husband took it better than expected. He realized this was a wake up call for their marriage as a whole.
In counseling, they both found out they had things to work on and now their marriage is strong.
I am in the same situation, axcept it is my husband who is having the emotional afair. And does not admit to me in doing anything wrong.
And now i can't trust him, and when i approach him, he tunes me off. what should i do?
Should i separate from him for a while to get help? Or should i make him acoutable and seek cristian counseling for both of us?
My concern with the last option is that he does not trust people easily and might not agree to it!
thanks
God is good! He knows exactly what I need to hear and when! We have some very close friends (a married couple with 2 girls...we have 3 girls). Because they moved to another state we only see each other every few months. But each time we do, I find myself thinking about what our friend said, or did. He is a bit flirtatious by nature...and I seem to respond in kind. After have some very odd dreams which included him. (I told my husband about them.) The last time we saw them seemed different. My husband seemed more protective of me, and it almost made me feel more inclined to seek out the attention of this other person. It feels like he puts me on a pedestal for what I can do. He builds me up and it feels good to be recognized. It has been 2 weeks since they left and I just now feel like I am getting back on track with God, with my thoughts, with my heart. I know I was harboring sinful thoughts, but it was more than I could do to get rid of them. (It had to be God!) So, I am totally on board with this post. What I can't figure out, is if we need to sever our friendship with this couple? They are truly dear friends that we care deeply about. I have no idea if this is one sided or two...and am not willing to find out. I have considered approaching my friend (the wife) and telling her how I have been affected in hopes that we could resolve it that way, but fear that it would somehow snowball into a major problem. The problem with cutting out the friendship completely is that this couple has no one. Their families are a mess...they have a few church friends, but live in the one of the most un-churched areas of the US. I guess I need someone from the outside to shake me and point out the stupidity of my arguments. I know my husband senses my issues, and I have told him in the past of how I feel, but have not shared with him my struggle during the last visit. I am afraid that it is just 1 time TOO many for him to forgive!
I really thought I was the only one and seeing others struggling with this makes me feel, well, human. It doesn't make it okay, but I don't feel like a total freak for experiencing this (more than once in my case - once with a married coworker who felt the same and once with a friend who also felt the same). With my fiance gone a lot (he is a soldier who has deployed 4 times in the last 5 years) and minimal contact with him, the attention from others is tempting. I love my fiance, but I find, especially recently, that I'm doubting his ability to give me what I need. I've resisted temptation with the others, but how long can that last when the man I'm committed to is physically and emotionally absent 90% of the time?
I wanted to post a comment to the lady who wrote about having dreams of another man. I can so emphasize with you. I didn't have dreams of another man but my friends husband had dreams about me. I was glad that he shared that with me but right away I told my husband (when I was still married), and I also told my friend. My friend had no idea of it, but they did discuss it and now they have a much stronger bond. We are all human and humans make mistakes. If you are having feelings for someone else than you need to discuss that with your husband, and also with the couple that you are friends with. Nothing will ever get solved unless it is brought out in the open. Pray first about it and than have the conversation. We were all able to be around each other after this happened, because it was handled in the right way. Of course the Lord doesn't want us to lust after others, but I do know that our Heavenly Father knows us through and through and that he can make your marriage stronger than it ever has been before. Think about the reasons why you love your husband, maybe the Lord wants you to just refocus. Tell it to Jesus, Tell it to Jesus, he is a friend thats well known. The Lord loves you more than you or your husband will ever know, and he longs for you to have the best marriage that any two couple could ever have.
I also wanted to comment about the lady that has the fiance in the military. How hard it must be to be without him, I can't even begin to imagine. And oh honey you are so not a freak!!! We all go through private pain that no one ever sees and unless we take the time to tell them than we chose to do deal with things on our own. Christ tells us to bare one anothers burdens. We gain strength from each other. If you feel like he isn't meeting your needs than try and tell him. If he truly loves you than he should try and understand where you are coming from and try to help make what you are going through a little easier. God Bless you and no matter what stay strong and stay encouraged!!! What an awesome and mighty
God we serve. You are loved very much by the Lord and also your sisters in Christ, I will remember you when I pray.
To LaRae:
Thank you! Your words are very encouraging and uplifting.
I'm finding that talking to other military wives and girlfriends doesn't always help because there is an unspoken code in the military about women who even think about men other than their soldiers. But it happens. Like I said, he's gone a lot - in the four years we've been together, we've been physically together for about a total of about 11 months. So yeah, it's tough.
Thank you for praying for us and for offering such down-to-earth encouraging words.
To lady with fiance in the military: you are so very welcome!! Whenever you need to share something I am always here just to let you know. You are an encouragement to me as well. Love ya!!!
Can't us women have male friends? to me there is nothing wrong with that,I am married and have a male friend that I am close to, my husband dosn't mind and trusts me totally. with God all things are possible!
I think its hard to have male friends, cus to me it seems like eventually they want to be more than just friends. Is this male friend a mutual friend of yours and your husbands or is he your friend? Just asking? With Love, LaRae
I guess you did say my friend though didnt you. Sorry, I think I spoke too soon. I guess I would just be careful, and again this is just one womans' opinion. If it works for you and your husband, than I'm glad he has you as a friend. I've had male friends as well, and they usually want more. Thats just been my experience anyway.
I am the one with the male friend,why do people always have to think that men always want something more than friendship? there are truly Christian men out there,by the way my close friend is also happily married with two gradeschool children,I have been scolded by my women "friends" who wring their hands and tell me something is going to "happen" Both me and my male friend would never let anything "happen",I guess this is how our sinful world thinks,always bad and never good.
Like I said with God ALL things are possible!
I have to say that I think that married people should not have friends of the opposite sex (i.e. husband have "women" friends or wife have "guy" friends). I know that there are people who say that it can work, the spouse doesn't have a problem, etc; however, it seems to just be asking for trouble. A friendship should never take priority over my husband. It is not worth the risk that something COULD develop.
Hello again,the one with the male friend, when did I ever say that my friend has priority over my husband? My husband is the best man I could want and ever have! Thanks for judging my heart! wrongly!
I think that way because, men are men. Christian or not they are still men, and sometimes it does lead to other things. I would agree with the statement that I feel we shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex, when you are married, and I am sorry if that offends you. When you inter into something as sacred as marriage, you should no longer have friends that you both aren't friends with. Like it or not it does leave room for our adversary to do some damage. I am not part of the sinful world that you speak of. God has called us to be seprate and set apart. I wasn't trying to offend you, I was merely telling you how I feel. I wouldn't see a problem with it if you were all friends, but that isn't the case. I'm sure you are a very strong woman and love the Lord with all your heart, I just wouldn't want to even entertain the thought.
Oh my goodness, hold on here, this is getting out of hand. I understand that you didn't say that your friend had priority over your husband, and I believe you. Its just that more times than not those friendships do develop into something more. I just don't want it to happen with you and I pray that it doesn't. We aren't trying to judge you, I was wanting to help. Please forgive me if I offended you. With Love, LaRae.
Thanks a lot,I feel terrible now,you all think my friend is a sex crazed moron thanks a lot,sob
Hi,I am the husband of the woman who has a male friend,she is very sad and puzzled over what has been posted here,I trust her,love her and support her.
She met this man at our church bible class,I also met him too,I am not able to go to the class as I am on call in a ER room,all of you woman have the same mindset of men,that men will be men-- that is so wrong,Christian men are not like other men,so please do not judge my wife,I trust her and I know she would not betray me OR HER GOD
I didn't know there was a term for what i've experienced for so long. I guess what I have is an 'emotional relationship' with my ex. I never talked to anyone about it because I thought that would be stupid and weak but the fact of the matter is I am a slave to this. I see him everywhere and in everything (emotionally, not physically) although I have not really seen him in almost 3 years. My soul is tied to him and I can't shake this. I've begged and pleaded with God but at the core of me, it's a daily struggle. I am not married or in a relationship but my heart is God's -- I don't know how to get rid of this stronghold. I don't care if I sound stupid, but I'm going to talk to someone about it thanks to this post.
This blog is very precious to me and many others. I can't count how many times a comment from one of the postings lifted my spirit. Let's try to honor each other Philipians 4:8 style. Love you ladies :-)
to the lady who has a "male" friend. i think what others are trying to say is just be careful. my friend's started out as a beautiful friendship that came as a result of working together. but then there was that moment; that one glance, or one thought lasted too long. it was never intended. it almost detroyed them. both were married with children and very active in their churches. though nothing physical happened, it was the emotional pull that had to be dealt with. just be careful and guard your heart. may that temptation never arise, and may your marriage stay strong and healthy all the days of your life. may God be glorified in all that we do. may GOD bless us all and keep all of our marriages strong.
This is to the Lady and Husband that left the comment about the male friend. I am truly sorry that I offended your precious wife. Really I am. I do think it is a good thing to have many friends in your life. We should never jump to conclusions and think that it doesn't work for some. I never intended for her to be hurt in anyway. I have always had this problem and it doesn't mean that every one does. I thank God for people that are strong and capable. Maybe I'm not the strong one. I grew up with men that always took advantage of me and ones that rejected me. After my marriage was over, I couldn't tell you how many people I was with physically and it really damaged my spirit and my heart. I have asked the Lord to forgive me and to help me live a victorious Christian life, and little by little it is happening. He has placed an absolutely amazing man in my life and I am so greatful. I don't want to ever cause someone to be hurt and I really do apologize!! You both seem like an amazing couple and I can only pray that when I am married again someday that our relationship will be strong as well. Please forgive me for being so quick to judge you and your wife, and this good man that you have found a friend in. With Love and Prayers,
LaRae Weaver
To the lady that still has emotional ties to her ex. I still have an emotional tie to mine as well. We dated from the time I was 15 to 18. My husband was 21 when we married. We were married for almost 10 years, and were divorced. He was my first everything. I was a virgin when we got married, he was my first real boyfriend, he fathered my two beautiful children. Our marriage was wrong from the start and we were miserable through the hole thing. I can truly say that I loved this man with all my heart and had hoped that we would remain married, but the Lord had other plans. It rocked me to my core, and in one fail swoop my husband and children were gone. They now live in another state,and he is getting remarried next month. I will always be emotionally connected to this man, but I know that we will never have what we once had ever again and in some aspects it kills me. But God is continuing to change me, and make me into what he wants me to be, Praise the Lord!!! Its okay for you to feel the way you do. In September of this year it will be 3 years since our divorce, and I am finally in a place with my life that I can boldly say I am HAPPY, as is he. Stay strong whomever you are and cry out to your Heavenly Father, and never never settle for less, strive for His best!! Love, LaRae. I know I like to talk a lot but sometimes it just needs to be said.
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
I, too have unfortunately been through this and it went beyond emotional into physical. It is the worst thing that I have ever been part of! Please don't think that because you are a christian, go to church every Sunday, try to live a good life, that you are immune to satan and his lies. Satan took a very lonely and confusing time in my life and ran with it. I took my eyes off of Jesus just long enough to be ensnared in satan's trap. Whatever you are faced with, you can get through it with God's help. Don't rely on your own wisdom or strength. In moments of weakness and temptation we don't think clearly and can make terrible judgements. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding! Don't walk but run from this temptation! My husband and I are working very hard to get our marriage back on track. I deeply regret the hurt and pain that I selfishly put him through. We are both from divorced homes and refuse to let satan steal another one from us. God is our rock and our salvation. He will carry us when we feel that we can no longer walk and we are relying and trusting in Him daily.
I encourage anyone who is dealing with this issue to "flee" now! Rebuke satan and all that he represents and call on Jesus name.
hello again I am the first one who commented on this blog. I just want to say thank you for those of you who commented to me with your words of wisdom. I also said i would never do something like this to the one I love and before i even realized it, I had already hurt him so badly. This too was just an emotional affair (an ex) that i never truly got over and had ended things with/with a lot of loose ends and no closure.
Somedays are easier than others and somedays i think my husband trusts me again but than - i see the hurt inside him and i die a little inside. But I'm going to trust God and know that one day we will be even stronger for it.
when i became a young widow i made the unfortunate mistake of listening to a married man say words i should not have listened to. there was noone i could confide in. when i finally poured my heart out to god he led me far away from that place.I was so broken hearted over the loss of my husband i let another man's words betray my heart.you must guard your heart. you must be careful of how you allow a married man to talk to you.
To the husband who says Christian men aren't that way. Well, yes they can be. My husband started out as friends with a female and then it turned into any Emotional Affair where he hid the affair from everyone. Christian men do have friends that turn into Emotional Affairs.
This comment has been removed by the author.
To the husband who says Christian men aren't that way. Well, yes they can be. My husband started out as friends with a female and then it turned into any Emotional Affair where he hid the affair from everyone. Christian men do have friends that turn into Emotional Affairs. They do fall!
I couldn't sleep all night and felt like I was going to throw up and pass out and couldn't seem to find any peace or be able to articulate any prayers-just calling a few friends and crying.
The next morning there was a mssg. from her saying she had talked to her husband that night and he told her everything, and that she knew the nature of our relationship had always been inappropriate, and never to call, txt, or e-mail him again, and not to use her son to get to him and that i was ruining their marriage.
This broke my heart and devasted me, because when I told him months ago that it was wrong and although I had feelings for him I loved the Lord more and could never do something so sinful or wrong and that i believed in the sanctity of marriage and wanted him to have a strong marriage.
Also, when I met his son it solidified even more in my mind that i could never do such a horrible thing. I chose to move away and start a new life also to avoid this!
And now this happens, and I feel so falsly accused and have no idea what he said to her or what she said to him!
Then, 2 nights later i got an e-mail from him saying "I realize that the emails and the phone calls were inappropriate for my marriage. I was inconsiderate of my wife and it was upsetting to all. With that being said, there will be no more emails or phone calls between us."
I know that you cannot play with fire and not get burned, and there are consequenses for our sins, and if i had never gotten involved w/this man in the 1st place this never would have happened.
But I feel like i chose to do the right thing, and things are blowing up!
Worst of all, I feel like such a terrible witness, and that I dragged Christ's name through the mud and that this is all this woman may ever see of Christ.
I have so much anger towards this man, and at the same time so much feeling for him still, which is so frustrating and confusing.
I don't know how to get over and through this. I know God redeems and restores but it seems so hopeless right now.
It is such a blessing to find this page and to know I'm not alone.
Almost a year ago I was in a very vulnerable place, and had just started a new job where I ended up getting emotionally involved w/my Asst. manager who happened to be married and was not a believer.
I ended it before it turned into something too deep, but continued to work there and struggle w/feelings for him, as well as not cutting off communication 100%.
I moved away partly to get away from this man and the temptation.
His wife got to know me a bit before I moved, and friended me on facebook and we were having a little contact the past month since I moved.
I had become very fond of their little boy as this man used to bring him into work on his days off to shop at our work while the boy would play w/me. The little boy got quite attached to me and would even ask for me at home.
Since I moved a little over a month ago, despite my attempt to "make a clean break", this man and I sometimes have to talk on the phone as our work requires.
He also sent me a pic. of his son via e-mail a couple weeks ago.
I responded to the email/pic but kept it short. I knew it probably wasn't good to have any contact, but was so happy that he was keeping in touch even in some small way, and told myself it was ok and innocent since it was centered around his son and nothing romantic.
Last week I got a call from his wife who had been having suspicions for awhile, and then got a phone bill with my number popping up for (mainly) texts and a few phone calls.
Only things
is, 99% of these were from a long time ago, and I had told him to stop calling and txting me because I would not respond-which was incredibly hard for me to do because I cared very much for him.
He persisted for awhile, but then eventually stopped and would only talk to me at work.
The recent ones were the pic. he sent from his iphone, and a couple he had sent while she was giving birth(at home w/a mid-wife and him) 2 months ago announcing she was in labor and then had given birth.
I was surprised to find out frm her that the txt was only to me as i had thought it was a mass one.
When she asked me the nature of our relationship stating that she knew I was a christian and woman-to-woman to please be honest, I couldn't lie and told her I was attracted and drawn to her husband but once I found out he was married couldn't be a part of pursuing a relationship.
She was upset that i hadn't known for a few months he was married and had only found out when i asked him point blank.
She asked if the feelings were mutual, and if he had flirted with me at work.
I said I couldn't speak for him and that she needed to talk to him. She said she had already confronted him and he had begged her not to confront me because he said I was a sweet, christian girl who he suspected was probably a virgin, which made her want to vomit.
I told her that was true that sex was a very sacred thing to me, and marriage was a very sacred thing to me and that I would never want to seperate a marriage.
I could not tell her that he had pursued me and that although my behavior at first was wrong, I made the choice to turn my back on the relationship because of my faith in God.
She thanked me for my honesty, but i felt very guilty for not telling her the whole truth.
To the husband and wife who say the wife having a male best friend is not a problem, be careful. I'm recovering from finding out my husband had an adulterous relationship with a woman from our church. They too started out as friends communicating and it went on into a full blown affair that lasted 8 months before revelation. The reality of it has been crushing and my husband too thought he was above something like this. The bible says Satan is seeking whom he may devour. He will attempt to devour even christians. So please be cautious. If you cross the line, it's crossed, and you can't take it back. God is working with us to restore our marriage, but it has been a tough battle. So again I say, be cautious.
My husband and I and two other familys,for years use to get together and play board games together. We all had kids that played together we all were Christian. We all joked with each other.Our husbands all worked together. We were good friends.We got together for Birthdays. I started to babysit for the one friends two children.then my husband and her seem to be friendlyer and friendlyer with each other at frist didn't think any thing about it. I asked him about and he told me I was crazy. then one day this little booklet I had picked up on the front of It said open your eyes I knew It was God and I went to look at cell phone on line. and there It was her phone number many times they had taked and text. They tryed to tell me they were just friends and I was acting crazy. When they finly were honest about It I told broth of them I forgave them. She was crying and saying she was sorry and miss me. Then few weeks later I went to turn my husbands phone off so alarm would not wake him up and again there were massages from him and her to each other. again I forgave them. God has given me the grace to forgive and move on I can't say I totaly trust him. But I trust God. It is hard for me becuase her husband still calls my husband from time to time he thinks they were just friends he never knew about the calls and text I didn't want to mess up thier marriage and he runs in to her now and then he dose tell me when he dose. It can happin to any of us. Some may wounder why I stayed with my husband I really feel God wanted me to. Also I have a son I am sorry for all of you out there that have had to feel that kind of pain.God is using me to help others.
Lysa, I wish I could talk to you write now... in 20 minutes I am headed to lunch with a friend who is in this same situation and I pray I have the words to express to her in a loving way what God expects from her. I'm so glad I found this today of all days. Thank you for your ministry
Post a Comment
Home