By Lysa TerKeurst
“Marriage should be honored by all ...” Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
About a year ago I woke up early one morning and saw the strangest sight. Condensation had collected on one of my bedroom windows. Etched in the condensation were two perfectly drawn circles. They were joined at the center and looked exactly like two wedding bands.
I stared at this marking on my window and tried to come up with a reasonable explanation. I could not for the life of me figure out how two perfect circles could have gotten drawn into the condensation of my very high up bedroom window. Later that day I went back to look at the window, but the hot afternoon sun had long since caused the window to dry out. The wedding bands were gone. For days I looked for their return, waking each morning eager to see them and ponder their existence. But when the days turned into weeks without seeing them, I eventually stopped looking.
Then one morning they reappeared. Only this time they were there for several mornings straight. Each morning when my eyes would open, the two etched wedding bands were the first thing I'd see.
On about the fourth morning as I stared at this strange phenomenon my heart started aching. There was a kind of urgency suddenly pulsing through my chest. I tried to brush it off but couldn't quite shake the feeling. It was a conviction - but not a condemning kind of conviction, rather a tender conviction to love my husband more intentionally. And not just in the convenient ways, in the inconvenient as well. In ways that take a little more thought, intentionality and effort. Ways that are easy to let slip when the everyday urgencies seem to take precedence and seem more important.
So, I mentally made all kinds of promises and grand plans for a priority overhaul. And for a few days, I did great. But then life... lots of life distracted me and my attention got redirected. The window circles soon disappeared and so did my resolve. All my good intentions slipped back into a comfortable getting by of sorts.
Well, at the risk of starting to sound like a Hallmark movie, the circles came back. I don't want to sound presumptuous. I fully realize that there could be a perfectly good reason for the circles. One friend suggested that they could be leftover marks from when the windows were installed. But then why are they only sometimes there? We’ve lived in this house and had that same window for 15 years and they are just now showing up? And why do they only seem to appear when God needs to send me a perfectly timed reminder to give my marriage and my husband, more attention?
Do you think that maybe, just maybe, Love of the most divine kind has reached down to touch an ordinary glass window?
Dear Lord, I think we’ll be amazed one day when we get to Heaven and realize how intimately involved You’ve always been in our lives. Lord, thank You for this message in the form of two circles on my window. Even if there is an explanation for them besides You drawing these circles, I thank You that through them You’ve reminded me to love my husband more intentionally. Please help us all to make our marriages more of a priority in our lives. Show us how to love the way you intended us to love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Visit Lysa TerKeurst’s blog today to learn how to conquer one of the most challenging aspects of marriage - expectations!
Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst
The Bathtub is Overflowing but I Feel Drained by Lysa TerKeurst
Application Steps:
Make a list today of some attitudes and actions that you could change as a blessing for your spouse.
Attitude: Have you been struggling with any negative attitudes toward your spouse such as disrespect, unforgiveness, resentment, or frustration?
Actions: What are some little everyday things that you could do to make your spouse’s life better, more fun, or less stressful?
Reflections:
I know from personal experience that marriage can be both wonderful and incredibly hard. One of the most important things I can do as a wife is to actively pray for my husband, and myself in my role as a wife. What are some things that you could commit to praying for in regards to your marriage? After all if God can speak to me through an ordinary window, I know he can certainly speak to us and advise us about our marriages during focused times of prayer.
Power Verses:
1 Peter 3:1, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” (NIV)
1 Timothy 3:11, “In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.” (NIV)
© 2008 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.
“Marriage should be honored by all ...” Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
About a year ago I woke up early one morning and saw the strangest sight. Condensation had collected on one of my bedroom windows. Etched in the condensation were two perfectly drawn circles. They were joined at the center and looked exactly like two wedding bands.
I stared at this marking on my window and tried to come up with a reasonable explanation. I could not for the life of me figure out how two perfect circles could have gotten drawn into the condensation of my very high up bedroom window. Later that day I went back to look at the window, but the hot afternoon sun had long since caused the window to dry out. The wedding bands were gone. For days I looked for their return, waking each morning eager to see them and ponder their existence. But when the days turned into weeks without seeing them, I eventually stopped looking.
Then one morning they reappeared. Only this time they were there for several mornings straight. Each morning when my eyes would open, the two etched wedding bands were the first thing I'd see.
On about the fourth morning as I stared at this strange phenomenon my heart started aching. There was a kind of urgency suddenly pulsing through my chest. I tried to brush it off but couldn't quite shake the feeling. It was a conviction - but not a condemning kind of conviction, rather a tender conviction to love my husband more intentionally. And not just in the convenient ways, in the inconvenient as well. In ways that take a little more thought, intentionality and effort. Ways that are easy to let slip when the everyday urgencies seem to take precedence and seem more important.
So, I mentally made all kinds of promises and grand plans for a priority overhaul. And for a few days, I did great. But then life... lots of life distracted me and my attention got redirected. The window circles soon disappeared and so did my resolve. All my good intentions slipped back into a comfortable getting by of sorts.
Well, at the risk of starting to sound like a Hallmark movie, the circles came back. I don't want to sound presumptuous. I fully realize that there could be a perfectly good reason for the circles. One friend suggested that they could be leftover marks from when the windows were installed. But then why are they only sometimes there? We’ve lived in this house and had that same window for 15 years and they are just now showing up? And why do they only seem to appear when God needs to send me a perfectly timed reminder to give my marriage and my husband, more attention?
Do you think that maybe, just maybe, Love of the most divine kind has reached down to touch an ordinary glass window?
Dear Lord, I think we’ll be amazed one day when we get to Heaven and realize how intimately involved You’ve always been in our lives. Lord, thank You for this message in the form of two circles on my window. Even if there is an explanation for them besides You drawing these circles, I thank You that through them You’ve reminded me to love my husband more intentionally. Please help us all to make our marriages more of a priority in our lives. Show us how to love the way you intended us to love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Visit Lysa TerKeurst’s blog today to learn how to conquer one of the most challenging aspects of marriage - expectations!
Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst
The Bathtub is Overflowing but I Feel Drained by Lysa TerKeurst
Application Steps:
Make a list today of some attitudes and actions that you could change as a blessing for your spouse.
Attitude: Have you been struggling with any negative attitudes toward your spouse such as disrespect, unforgiveness, resentment, or frustration?
Actions: What are some little everyday things that you could do to make your spouse’s life better, more fun, or less stressful?
Reflections:
I know from personal experience that marriage can be both wonderful and incredibly hard. One of the most important things I can do as a wife is to actively pray for my husband, and myself in my role as a wife. What are some things that you could commit to praying for in regards to your marriage? After all if God can speak to me through an ordinary window, I know he can certainly speak to us and advise us about our marriages during focused times of prayer.
Power Verses:
1 Peter 3:1, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” (NIV)
1 Timothy 3:11, “In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.” (NIV)
© 2008 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.
14 Comments:
My husband and I certainly need to make our marriage more of a priority and we are very at odds politically. We really do not enjoy one another very much. Sometimes I wonder if we ever really did. But we are married and I want my attitude and actions to be exactly what would honor God.
Thank you for this devotional. I have been praying diligently for my husband these last couple of weeks. I've been struggling with what God's will is for my life regarding work. My husband is anxious because the company he works for is struggling financially due to the "trickle down" effect of the real estate market. My design business is slow due to the same thing. My prayer is that God will reveal Himself to my husband, so that he will put his trust in our Father and know that He is in control.
I have a dear friend who has been struggling with her marriage over the past several months. It has been a dead end with her husband, as he has only been willing to go a counselor a few times, but not follow through with instructions from the counselor between sessions.
He does not and has not communicated with my friend, thus in their times of trouble, the wedge becomes greater. He recently - secretly - made an appt for them to see another counselor (a pshyciatrist). When my friend meet him at the office that afternoon, the staff asked her to fill out paper work and submit her insurance information - she looked at her husband and asked what was going on and he just coldly answered - "you need this, and if you don't keep this appointment it is over".
She kept the appointment and to her surprise the psychiatrist told HIM he was not handling their 'problems' as he should, and if he would communicate they would not have even had to make that appointment.
How do you honor your marriage when you are being mentally and emotionally attached? He talks to his mother about their problems, and relies on his mother so much, that they took it upon themselves to decide she is an alcoholic, since she likes an occassional glass of wine. He has told her she can not have any alcohol, can not talk to him about her work day when she comes home, can not entertain friends at the house, tells his mom a deep secret that she recently shared with him, and then makes her an appt for a pshyciatrist.
How do you honor THIS marriage?
In my case, being unequally yoked, my submissiveness speaks volumes. Through the ebb and flow of any marriage it is key to KISS(keep it simple sisters. A mans needs are simple: they need fed, they need their kids mothered and they need lovin'. My attitude of gratitude for my man is my focus. God has put it on my heart to make a conscious effort to do the following things:
Thank God (in focused prayer) daily for such a wonderful husband, mentioning specific qualities for which I am grateful.
Look for daily ways to be a blessing to my husband (trying to understand what pleases him, anticiating his needs, etc.)
Keep my mouth shut; refraining from complaining!!!
Take responsibility for my family's health and that of myself;
for my own emotional well being:
stay rested, don't overcommit and then complain, and giving attention to friends with a shared value for their husbands.
Stay focused on making a home for my family and remember that this is my highest calling and responsibility and that it has eternal value. The more I do this, the happier and more content I am.
I love the way you started your prayer -- "Dear Lord, I think we’ll be amazed one day when we get to Heaven and realize how intimately involved You’ve always been in our lives." I wonder how many times we miss seeing His hand in things? What a tender, loving Father we have!
Dear Lysa: It's always a joy to receive a fresh reminder to prioritize our marriages. From the first week of marriage, I experienced emotional/verbal abuse and was physically rejected by my husband. I felt like I had married a total fraud. This was not the man I fell in love with and had dated for quite some time. Through the years, the wounds and anger festered inside of me. As you can guess, once it turned into a bitter root, my body began to fall apart as well. We had gone to many counseling sessions, but he was unable to see that he needed to change as well. 2 years ago, I received some awesome prayer and healing for the unresolved anger, hurt and bitterness. Boy did it make a huge difference to forgive! However my body began to shut down and it pretty much collapsed. Long story, but through all this sickness, God has brought such healing to our marriage!! My husband has admitted being unwilling to change. He has opened up so much about many things in the past that caused so much of the hurt and anger. We celebrated 25 years of marriage this past spring!! Praise God that HE has helped us keep our commitment to each other and to HIM. Healing continues to come, and we both are so grateful.
You are right, Lysa. Sometimes we do need reminders were our priorities are in life - especially in our marriages. I believe (well it is true for me) we get too comfortable with each other and don't look at the blessing we have. I know that I do need to acknowledge it more - cut some stuff out of my life.
I also believe that our Lord sends us reminders - even through an ordinary thing as circles on the windows.
Thank you so much for sharing this - I needed to read that today.
Blessings to you and yours...
maybe your husband drew the circles.
I am odds as to what to do about my marriage. My husband says "yes, he's a Christian". But, just today said he'd never admit that to anyone right now, because he isn't a good example~and he certainly doesn't want to give people a false picture as to what a "Christian" is supposed to act like/be. That frustrated me to the very core of my being, we have 4 kids and while he said this he acted as if he has NO interest in changing the way he lives! That hurts. Not only do our kids suffer, but our marriage does, too. Because when I want to talk to him about something God told me, or something I did in obedience to God, he plays the devils advocate. There are many other areas needing pruning and growth in my marriage...is there a counselor in the midst of you who would offer 'counselling' (maybe just for me) pro-bono? We need some SERIOUS help or I sense the "d" word coming to our midst; and I don't want that. Thank you for ALL you are doing!!!
I left the comment at 9:23PM~ I'd like to add quite ALOT to that...
The reason: because, I know that there will be plenty of women reading these blogs and they will pray! So, my add-ons....
I don't want to just appear as one of those 'complaining wives'~I truly do not want to be her...but, quite honestly I have exhausted every other possibility...My marriage is not a 'priority'. We got married and very soon after had our first child and then every couple of years had another, and now there are 4. I love my kids with everything in me and would have more if I thought my marriage could survive (and THRIVE) through more. But right now, I just want my husband and I to see eye to eye on a few things and not have a battle about every LITLE thing that comes our way. We disagree in SO MANY areas. No one can say we didn't date long enough...we dated for 3 years before getting married and spent as much time together as our work allowed us. But we didn't talk about things that matter to us now. Like parenting skills, the 50/50 housework-I do 95% of it and NO the other 5% doesn't go to my husband! It goes to my kids!!! I am beyond exhausted! But because I love my kids, I keep going. My life is SO with the person who blogged about her friend and the emotionally and mentally abusive husband...that is SO my life! We have not, however, gone to counselling because the last time I asked my husband about going to counselling he said "Our problem is not MY problem, it's YOUR problem, so you can figure out how to fix it on your own!" OUCH! Anybody else feel the prickling pain from that one?
dear 9:32 pm - In talking with my friend on a daily basis and seeing the stress and anguish she goes through with a husband - as she says has already "checked out" - I also see the stages she has been going through from hurt and sadness to anger and frustration - where she getting closer to the point of making a decision for her marriage and herself - that would be beneficial, rather than destructive. If it means they separate to work through this, or stay in the same home (like roommates), only she knows.
She called me the other day and told me that she knew God was with her through this, and I believe He is as well. Of course she does not want to leave an 18 year marriage, but for the sake of the rest of her life happy and sane - what do you do with a partner that does not have feeling or emotion for thr marriage. I believe there comes a time when you have to make the decision to take care of yourself, especially when you have someone bringing you down - and you have other people relying on you.
She recently found a book that my husband and I gave her, that we had used when we went through our premarital counseling 8 years ago. It is called "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman. It is a MUST read - and easy reading. Maybe you and your husband can read it (separate or together) and see if it brings anything to light with your situation. Even though at this point the book as not made any change with my friends husband - he is reading it now - he has said it is a good book. But as far as he is concerned - he does not have a problem, so to read it is a surprise. My hope is that after he finishes the book, he might feel a need to be more receptive and make more efforts in his marriage.
Good luck with your situation and hope the book can help.
God Bless,
Shar
1Tim 3:11, just reminded me of what I have not been to my husband for the 5 years we have been married. While it has been a difficult marriage, I still hang in there. I guess he is too. We have had some great times recently, but we still suffer with the stuff that make me want to throw in the towel. I try to be deliberate in loving my husband the way he needs to be loved, but sometimes I just put my foot in my mouth. I really don't understand some of the things that he says he needs. I will continue to tray. I have talked so much to others that I the trust factor has been torn, but I think it is getting better. Will I ever understand what the matter is in loving my husband the way he wants to be loved and what about me sometimes?
Well I appreciate today's devotion. However, I'm a 30 yr old mom of four and married for 11 years now. Everyday for the past month or two I've been directed by the Holy Spirit to Love my husband more. To be honest with you, I don't even know where to begin. Our marriage was just restored after a 4 year separation about 1 year ago. I still feel alot of unforgiveness and actually making it a point to show him more love seems really heavy and I'm not sure if I really believe it's going to make a difference.I'm feeling like my plate is sooo full and I really need help handling all of my priorities. I know I'm gonna fall if God doesn't hold me up. I NEED PRAYER AND GOD'S HELP. HAVE MERCY ON ME LORD!
My husband and I have been through struggles similar to many of those described here. We have found the books POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE and POWER OF A PRAYING HUSBAND, both by Stormie O'Martian, to be very helpful. Please give them a try if you haven't yet. May our loving Father touch and heal all of our marriages.
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