I Have a Headache
By Luann Prater

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:3 (NIV)

A study done by Dr. Lew Losoncy revealed why women listen to advice from their hairstylists more readily than from their shrinks – because hairstylists have license to touch them. We all long for closeness, for someone we trust to reach out and touch us.

In the 1980s I owned a busy hair salon with six stylists. On late nights and Saturdays the place would be swarming with people anxious to tell someone about their day. We would hear stories that could curl your hair without a perm!

Our shop had both male and female clients, so we often heard both sides of the story. Unfortunately, we witnessed the decline and destruction of many marriages. Many times all three involved in love triangles were our customers; the feeling unappreciated wife; the husband wondering what happened to his princess; and the other woman looking for solace in someone else’s prince charming.

Divorce claims about half of all marriages, even in our churches. The number one thing couples fight about is finances, followed closely by sex. Yes, I said the 3-letter word. When we fall in love, our passion burns for our spouse. But over time, children, bills and routine can get in the way of true intimacy with our mate. That intimacy is essential for a couple, and if it is not found at home, Satan often takes the opportunity to show us other places to find it.

Wives in our salon admitted that they used sex as a tool or as a weapon in their marriages. Husbands would lament to us that the wind had to be blowing in just the right direction before their wives were “in the mood.” We saw lonely women, longing to have a man in their lives, making it their mission to find out and provide what pleased these unhappy, married men. An affair might start from a single deep conversation, or maybe a tender touch, or a gentle hug that lingered.

In Genesis 2:24 God tells us, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” When we make the commitment to become one, we no longer have sole ownership of our bodies. In 1 Corinthians 7:4 it says, “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”

God tells us this for a reason. He longs for us to enjoy our spouse through physical intimacy. When we put stipulations on intimacy, or neglect this area of our marriage, we prime ourselves for trouble. Closeness with our spouse is essential for a healthy, happy marriage – and physical intimacy is a large part of that.

If your marriage or martial intimacy is on the rocks, God can help you restore it. If He can calm the waves and raise the dead, He can bring life back to a loveless or sexless marriage.

Dear Lord, give me the desire to love my husband sexually and the ability to enjoy him. Teach us both how to be more loving and intimate with one another. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
The Man You’ve Always Wanted is the One You Already Have by Paula Friedrichsen

Do You Know Him?

Confessions of an Adulterous Woman: Lies that Got me There, Truths that Brought Me Back by Lydell Hetrick Holtz

Visit Luann Prater’s blog

Application Steps:
Begin to pray intentionally for your mate each day. Ask God to shine his light on your soul and reveal the things in you that cause strife in your marriage. Ask for forgiveness, and for intimacy to be restored between you.

Ask if your husband if he is willing to pray out loud together for your marriage.

Write love notes to your spouse and mean them.

Seek counseling if need be.

What did I love about my husband when we met?

When will I make time for him today?

How can I show him that I love him?

Power Verses:
1 Corinthians 13:4-5, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (NIV)

Ephesians 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (NIV)
1 Corinthians 13:6-8, “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (NIV)

© 2008 by Luann Prater. All rights reserved.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

couldnt help but notice there were no comments. just wanted to leave one to let it be known that the truth hurts and is sometimes hard to digest. thank you for reminding me of a lifetime commitment that i made long before children, homeschooling, and all that comes with just plain everyday life. we also make the same excuses in our realtionship with Jesus. we are too tired, too busy, etc. it is not a "fix it and forget it" kind of thing. it is a choice we have to make each day. it is better to give than receive. we have to make and take time for what is important. our children need to see us intentionally spending time in the Word and spending time with our spouse. they will follow in our footsteps. your post is difficult to swallow because we realize the part of the blame belongs to us.
you may think there is no hope if you are in a marriage like that, but there is. you have to "love them like Jesus". choose to honor your promise, to your spouse and to God. seek forgiveness. pray for healing. dont "do it for the children", do it because it is the right thing to do. if there is another person, do they in some way remind you of your spouse (or how they used to be)? looks, hobbies, beliefs, etc.? keep the original, and force your heart to let go of the other person. it is possible, all things are with God. your marriage can be healed and can even go way beyond what you ever imagined IF you honor your commitment. most importantly, stay in His Word. lean on Him, not what the world says. God Bless, your sister in Christ Jesus

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