The Sacred Us
Amy Carroll

“…teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live… (and) to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2: 3-5 (NIV)

She didn’t even know that I was watching her. Friends of mine had told me that a woman at our church named Deborah had decided to never speak negatively about her husband. Although I truly loved my husband and thought he was wonderful, he wasn’t perfect. I wondered what’s the real harm in complaining about him some to friends and coworkers who have plenty to say about their husbands?

Just hearing about Deborah’s commitment challenged my heart. I began to watch her and her husband for signs of a difference. I also listened to her carefully to see if she really stuck to it. She did, and the fruits of her faithfulness were obvious. Deborah and John had been married far longer than I had, and also had three beautiful children, but they acted like they were still on their honeymoon. Their devotion was untarnished by the mistrust and bitterness caused by a critical heart and complaining lips.

I haven’t done it perfectly, but I now catch myself when I start to “vent” or complain about my husband. I think about how terrible I would feel if I walked into a room and heard him speaking negatively about me. Women seem to struggle much more in this area, but I think it’s a place where God is calling us to greater self-control.

I’ve seen lots of fruit in my marriage, too. When I speak well of my husband, I tend to think well of him too. He has so many virtues—why should I focus on his few little imperfections? Praising my husband to my friends actually grows my love for him, and that’s always a good thing. I also don’t ever have to worry about what I’ve said that might be repeated to him.

I have come to believe strongly in something I call “The Sacred Us.” We have a bond that is stronger than any bond I have with another person. There are things that only the two of us share. Although I LOVE to talk, I don’t need to tell everybody everything.

If there are problems between the two of us, I can always pour out my heart to God, and scripture encourages us to do just that. I also have cultivated relationships with several godly, truth-telling women who love my husband as much as they love me. They will listen, offer godly counsel and tell me in a skinny minute if I’m the one who’s wrong. This type of women are the only ones to share problems with when we need someone with whom we can pray and problem-solve.

Let’s you and I resolve to be the “Deborah” amongst our friends. Without even knowing it, she changed many of the marriages in our church for the better. I desire to be that godly example so that the bond between my husband and I is strengthened day by day but also so that the world would see a difference and that God would be glorified.

Dear Lord, please help me to control my tongue. I need your help to praise my husband instead of criticizing or complaining. In times of crises or conflict, remind me to turn to you first. Bring godly women into my life that will join with me in this endeavor so that we can encourage each other. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue by Deborah Smith Pegues

Do you know Him?

Application Steps:

Pay attention to the topics in talks with your friends. How often does the conversation turn to criticism of husbands? Stop yourself when you begin to join in!

Cultivate friendships with other women who are committed to positively speaking of their husbands and hold each other gently and lovingly accountable.

How do I want my husband to speak of me?

Do I hold myself to that same standard?

Power Verses:
Philippians 2:14, “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe…” (NIV)

Psalm 141:3, “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (NIV)

James 1: 26, “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” (NIV)

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Blogger Unknown said...

O how I needed this today. I cried all the way to work because I found out my husband mislead me in something and I am very upset. I will keep quiet and pray for God to help me through this and help me to find ways to mend my trust in him. Please say a little prayer for me too. Thank you.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was perfect for today. A good friend and I were discussing the same kind of situation last night and she never says anything negative about her husband and they have been married for years and their relationship seems so fresh. I want a fresh loving romantic relationship with my husband that glorifies God. I wil today commit to Sacred Us and go to God when I need to vent. Thank you so much, and many blessings!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amy, I have to totally agree with you. If we always speak well of our husband, the relationship changes - big time. I know what it has changed my marriage, very much. Thank you so much for sharing.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a new reader to Proverbs 31 Ministries and I have been extremely blessed by the devotionals. When I read this one, I said, "Boy that sounds like me." Today's devotional will be one that I'll draw on for years to come. God Bless You!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

A sister in Christ forward this devotion to me today and I must admit that I was convicted on this one. But I thank God for showing me on what I have to work on. Thank you and God Bless

Blogger Amy said...

I'm so glad that this topic spoke to so many women today. I have every verse in Proverbs that addresses my words high-lighted. That's because one of my main struggles is my mouth!! James 1:26 says, "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." That is such a motivator for me. Yes, I want the best marriage that I can have, but my heart beats to glorify the Lord. Honoring our husbands is one way that we can glorify Him and shine like stars in a dark world. Go wives, go!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this word of encouragement and inspiration. I have struggled with this in an attempt to not speak negatively about my husband. I know how degrading it sounds toward the husband, as my own mother and mother-in-law both seem to think that I am their sounding board, (and they don't mind doing it right in front of them!) My husband especially notices his mom's negative words about his dad and it only fuels anger and resentment. I appreciate Proverbs 31 Ministries commitment to supporting and encouraging all women. May God continue to bless you.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I could use this reminder every day. Thx!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have already gone one step in this direction. A while ago I stopped complaining about my husband to friends and relatives. "Husband-bashing," I call it. The revelation to me in this devotion is to actually praise him behind his back -- wow! My husband has a lot of issues, let's call them, but I can find things to praise him for, I know. That will work on my heart. Thanks.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This arrow struck the bulls eye.
I am so guilty. I am new
to Proverbs 31, and how
amazing that this is the firt
devotion that I would access.
This is proof that God knows
our hearts, and our needs.
My prayer today is that God will
truly help me in this area of my life. God bless everyone here today.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you very much for this devotion!! I find myself being critacal of my husband to my teenage daughter all the time, what makes it so bad,is the fact that he is her step-dad; so there is already some resentment there anyway. She is also doing what I do - Which is baaad. I pray to God for my tongue, and hers, to be controlled. Please keep me & my family in your prayers

Thanks again!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, my name is Condie Gaddy today i have been married a week and four days,me and my husband are best friends we discuss everything and we spend most of our time together everyday,I wanted to know that since we're married now do we have to change how we hang out together is there such a thing as to much time together?I love being with him,talking,laughing,just doing us.we worship together,study the word together,everything that brings us closer to God we do together,also my new husband is a minister,now that makes me the wife of a minister,it does not bother me I just need to know if we're doing the right thing by doing it together all day every day,he is futher in the word than I am but he shows me something new everyday in the bible we even have little memory cards all over so that i can remember passages in the bible.I love my husband, he is my beat friend,I pray that how we are getting along is ok,because peoplpe say we can spend to much time and then we will be tired of each other,but I say this>what the Lord has put together no one can put us under!an I believe that with all my heart and we pray to God on all that we do,so is this going to work out?I say yes can I get some comments from women who have been married for some years(35/40) Thank you,and God Bless you and your ministry.
Mrs.Condie Gaddy

My dearest friend (who is a guy,and yes my husband knows what we talk about ) and I have an agreement. I don't complain to him about my husband and he doesn't complain to me about anyone. If either of us does that we put each other one notice about it. We keep each other in check. So to see this today was just another afformation I'm on the right track.I'm very picky about having female friends because of this, which makes me have very few.
I wish more women would act in this manor.

Blogger MMatt_12 said...

This is so beautiful. Yes my husband & I have our differences now. We are finding each other again, as one. Through gods love & our love & commitment to each other I know we will be one again. I have learnt to embrace the power of prayer whole heartedly & with all the love in me. To have an uniterupted conversation with god.
Pray for me ladies....

Anonymous Anonymous said...

first time visiting your site. great scripture a real eye opener. this touched me deaply and i plan to follow the rest of you

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This truly touched me. I am married to an unbeliever and some many times I find myself just talking negatively about him.From now on, I will bring my frustrations to the Lord, and trust He will use me to gain his soul. Thank you so much for this eye opener!

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